{"id":174,"date":"2009-06-05T17:03:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-05T17:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/omeoflittlefaith\/2009\/06\/random-phrases-from-the-pocket-guides-1.html"},"modified":"2009-06-05T17:03:00","modified_gmt":"2009-06-05T17:03:00","slug":"random-phrases-from-the-pocket-guides-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/omeoflittlefaith\/2009\/06\/random-phrases-from-the-pocket-guides-1.html","title":{"rendered":"Random Phrases from the Pocket Guides (1)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s June, which means<\/span> only two months-ish before the next three books in my Pocket Guide <\/span>series<\/a> release. I’ve been wondering how to continue to tease them to keep you interested until that date, and had an idea. What if I took a random chapter from one of the books, and then listed a bunch of random phrases which occur in that chapter?<\/p>\n

I’m fairly biased, but I think it would be fun.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>So just now I combed through the first chapter of Pocket Guide to the Afterlife<\/span><\/a>. This chapter is called “The Cosmic Lexicon: A Glossary of the Hereafter,” and it contains some seriously weird phrases. I was kinda surprised. I had forgotten about some of this stuff. (Then again, I wrote most of it more than a year ago.)<\/p>\n

Here are a few of my favorite random phrases, lifted entirely out of context. To find out what they mean or what they’re referring to…well, you’ll have to read the book. Pre-order yours now at Amazon<\/a>.<\/p>\n

22 Random Phrases from Pocket Guide to the Afterlife<\/span> (Chapter 1):<\/span><\/p>\n

a throne of human carcasses<\/p>\n

become familiar with the \u201cgnashing of teeth\u201d<\/p>\n

ghoulish Gene Simmons-like death masks<\/p>\n

incinerating the soft parts of a dead body<\/p>\n

shape-shifting cannibalistic rakshasas<\/p>\n

<\/span>hunting lodges filled with stuffed-and-mounted elk heads<\/p>\n

\u201cEternal Flame,\u201d a tormenting mid-80s song by the Bangles<\/p>\n

famously incorrupt body of Saint Catherine of Bologna<\/p>\n

even good karma results in, like, the worst vacation ever<\/p>\n

having molten lead poured down your throat<\/p>\n

72 beautiful, virginal, sexual companions<\/p>\n

nothing more than brain-generated hallucinations<\/p>\n

shine a flashlight in his face and start yelling \u201cThe light! The light!\u201d<\/p>\n

inside a circle made of strips of squirrel flesh<\/p>\n

Craig shanked his Frisbee throw<\/p>\n

already booked on the smoky train<\/p>\n

no matter how good you are at the Zarrow Shuffle<\/p>\n

devoured by large jungle cats<\/p>\n

cat-like reflexes, passion for tuna<\/p>\n

incinerated Kevin with a blast of sulfuric breath<\/p>\n

let me introduce you to my lovely female companion, Death<\/p>\n

die around any wicked Voodoo sorcerers<\/p>\n

————<\/p>\n

I think I’ll do this again. There are a lot more chapters to draw from…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s June, which means only two months-ish before the next three books in my Pocket Guide series release. I’ve been wondering how to continue to tease them to keep you interested until that date, and had an idea. What if I took a random chapter from one of the books, and then listed a bunch…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,46,44,37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists","category-pocket-guide-to-the-afterlife","category-pocket-guides","category-random"],"yoast_head":"\nRandom Phrases from the Pocket Guides (1) - O Me of Little Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/omeoflittlefaith\/2009\/06\/random-phrases-from-the-pocket-guides-1.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Random Phrases from the Pocket Guides (1) - O Me of Little Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It’s June, which means only two months-ish before the next three books in my Pocket Guide series release. 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