{"id":3055,"date":"2016-09-06T18:13:22","date_gmt":"2016-09-06T18:13:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/?p=3055"},"modified":"2016-09-06T18:13:22","modified_gmt":"2016-09-06T18:13:22","slug":"weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html","title":{"rendered":"Your Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!)"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a moment, your Weekly Astrology Forecast, containing useful and enlightening guidance that will help you manage the week ahead. But first, a word from our sponsor.<\/p>\n

***ADVERTISEMENT***<\/strong><\/p>\n

You may have heard recently that The International Union for Conservation of Nature has declared that the Giant Panda is no longer an endangered species.<\/strong> If you’re anything like me… or rather, if you’re anything like Pluto in Capricorn… you’ve probably thought “how can I make a buck off of this?” Well, wonder no more, Dear Friends! I have a fantastic money-making opportunity for you! Get in on the ground floor of The Business Opportunity Of The Future!<\/p>\n

UNCLE MATTHEW’S HOUSE OF PANDA MEAT!<\/strong><\/em>
\n Franchises now available — call for details!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

(formerly Lowland Gorilla Burgers Inc.)<\/p>\n

\"beliefnet-astrology-matthew-currie-tasty-panda\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Pandas are the protein dish of the future! A rich and delicious flavor like beef (but with more character) and as exciting as bison (but juicier)!<\/p>\n

ORGANIC<\/em><\/p>\n

All our pandas are raised on an all-natural, antibiotic-free diet of their favorite food: bamboo, raised without pesticides! Bamboo grows quickly and cheaply, cutting the cost of overhead!<\/p>\n

DELICIOUS<\/em><\/p>\n

The panda’s naturally sedentary lifestyle makes them plumper than any other meat animal normally would be, which leads to fat marbling that you’re unlikely to find short of Kobe beef!<\/p>\n

FREE RANGE<\/em><\/p>\n

All of our playful and adorably fuzzy pandas are raised cage-free, and are able to frolic to their heart’s content and grow to their full potential in idyllic surroundings until they reach the perfect size, and then…<\/p>\n

PALEO DIET COMPATIBLE<\/em><\/p>\n

…we don’t use a pneumatic gun like other slaughterhouses. We spear-hunt each and every panda, just like Nature intended! (Ask about our Panda-Spearing Vacation Packages! Imagine your child’s delight — or your own — at bringing down a bear with a spear, like a caveman!)<\/em><\/p>\n

Whether you love steaks, burgers, ribs, chops, or just the rich taste of a steady income stream based on one of the world’s most beloved creatures, Uncle Matthew’s House Of Panda Meat<\/em> has something for you!<\/p>\n

PROFIT — IT TASTES LIKE PANDA!<\/em><\/p>\n

FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITIES NOW AVAILABLE<\/strong><\/em>
\n CALL 1-555-EAT-PANDA FOR DETAILS!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

And now, your Weekly Astrology Forecast:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mars is in Sagittarius, ruled by an unaspected Jupiter in the last degrees of Virgo (where it is debilitated) until Saturday. Combined with Mercury Retrograde, this is a powerful opportunity for miscommunication. Beware the urge to over-react to a tasteless joke… and beware the urge to tell one.<\/em><\/p>\n

Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a moment, your Weekly Astrology Forecast, containing useful and enlightening guidance that will help you manage the week ahead. But first, a word from our sponsor. ***ADVERTISEMENT*** You may have heard recently that The International Union for Conservation of Nature has declared that the Giant Panda is no longer an endangered species. If you’re…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":560,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[128,131],"tags":[2,15,160],"class_list":["post-3055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-astrology","category-astrology-forecast","tag-astrology","tag-astrology-forecast","tag-dear-lord-forgive-me"],"yoast_head":"\nYour Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!) - Oh My Stars<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Your Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!) - Oh My Stars\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In a moment, your Weekly Astrology Forecast, containing useful and enlightening guidance that will help you manage the week ahead. But first, a word from our sponsor. ***ADVERTISEMENT*** You may have heard recently that The International Union for Conservation of Nature has declared that the Giant Panda is no longer an endangered species. If you’re…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Oh My Stars\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-09-06T18:13:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/files\/2016\/09\/beliefnet-astrology-matthew-currie-tasty-panda-300x172.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Matthew Currie\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Your Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!) - Oh My Stars","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Your Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!) - Oh My Stars","og_description":"In a moment, your Weekly Astrology Forecast, containing useful and enlightening guidance that will help you manage the week ahead. But first, a word from our sponsor. ***ADVERTISEMENT*** You may have heard recently that The International Union for Conservation of Nature has declared that the Giant Panda is no longer an endangered species. If you’re…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html","og_site_name":"Oh My Stars","article_published_time":"2016-09-06T18:13:22+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/files\/2016\/09\/beliefnet-astrology-matthew-currie-tasty-panda-300x172.jpg"}],"author":"Matthew Currie","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html","name":"Your Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!) - Oh My Stars","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/files\/2016\/09\/beliefnet-astrology-matthew-currie-tasty-panda-300x172.jpg","datePublished":"2016-09-06T18:13:22+00:00","dateModified":"2016-09-06T18:13:22+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/#\/schema\/person\/cebe19ae04b194abe0b936ca1ddda6be"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/files\/2016\/09\/beliefnet-astrology-matthew-currie-tasty-panda-300x172.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/files\/2016\/09\/beliefnet-astrology-matthew-currie-tasty-panda-300x172.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/2016\/09\/weekly-astrology-forecast-plus-tasty-panda-meat.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Your Weekly Astrology Forecast (Plus Tasty Panda Meat!)"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/","name":"Oh My Stars","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Matthew Currie","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/#\/schema\/person\/cebe19ae04b194abe0b936ca1ddda6be","name":"Matthew Currie","description":"Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 20 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio and podcasts. He is the author of \"Conquer The Universe With Astrology,\" (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail. Matthew likes hearing from you. He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this. Like everyone else, he is on Twitter: @matthewcurrie and on Facebook at www.facebook.com\/theastrologer","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/author\/mcurrie"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3055","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/560"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3055"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3055\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3058,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3055\/revisions\/3058"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ohmystars\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}