{"id":444,"date":"2018-02-20T12:00:59","date_gmt":"2018-02-20T12:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/?p=444"},"modified":"2018-02-20T12:00:59","modified_gmt":"2018-02-20T12:00:59","slug":"treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html","title":{"rendered":"Treat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"unsplash-logoGabby
unsplash-logo<\/span>Gabby Orcutt<\/span><\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We have a commitment issue in our marriages today. Too often we’re conditioned to approach marriage like a cell phone contract.\u00a0You agree to pay a certain amount for goods and services, and the cell phone provider asks for a two-year commitment, which you happily sign because you’re still in the honeymoon of\u00a0your relationship. But when a newer phone comes out, or when another cell phone provider offers a better deal, or when you simply get bored and want to move on, you figure out a way to wiggle out of your contract, paying a fee if necessary. Contracts are made to be broken.<\/p>\n

Too often we approach marriage the same way: as a contract. Each side commits to provide for each other, love each other and serve each other. As long as both sides hold up their end of the contract, life is good. But when one spouse feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick, when the other spouse isn’t holding up their end of the contract,\u00a0you start looking for a way out. Even if the divorce gets messy because there are kids involved, if that’s the fee you have to pay to break the contract, you do it.<\/p>\n

The problem with this approach is that it fundamentally mistakes the nature of marriage. Marriage is not a contract, it’s a covenant<\/strong>\u00a0(Malachi 2:14); and those are two completely different things. Here’s a quick look at the difference between the two:<\/p>\n

A contract is based on mutual distrust.
\n<\/span>A covenant is based on mutual commitment.<\/span><\/p>\n

A contract protects rights and shirks responsibility.
\n<\/span>A covenant surrenders rights and assumes responsibility.<\/span><\/p>\n

A contract has personal conveniences in mind.
\n<\/span>A covenant has the interest of the other in mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, here’s the twist: because the idea of a covenant is foreign to many of us, God gives us another picture of what a covenant looks like, and this one hits a lot closer to home. At the Last Supper, here’s what Jesus told his disciples,\u00a0\u201cThis cup is the new covenant<\/em>\u00a0in my blood, which is poured out for you\u201d (Luke 22:20). Salvation is a covenant like marriage is a covenant. Think about it this way: do we really want Jesus to treat salvation like a contract? How would that conversation go?<\/span><\/p>\n

“Hey John, we need to talk. I know you asked me into your heart when you were a kid, but these last couple of years haven’t been going so well for you. You’re not reading the Bible, you’re not in church, all those addictions you promised to give up are still hanging around. On top of all that, you’re kind of a jerk. Sorry buddy, I’m going to break my contract of salvation with you, it’s just not worth it for me anymore. Good luck with the whole heaven thing.”<\/em><\/p>\n

We don’t want Jesus to treat his relationship with us like a contract. Our assurance of salvation is because salvation is not a contract, it’s a covenant. In the same way, marriage is by design a covenant. That’s why God takes such a strong stand for marriage. Treat your commitment to your spouse the same way you want Jesus to treat his commitment to you.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We have a commitment issue in our marriages today. Too often we’re conditioned to approach marriage like a cell phone contract.\u00a0You agree to pay a certain amount for goods and services, and the cell phone provider asks for a two-year commitment, which you happily sign because you’re still in the honeymoon of\u00a0your relationship. But when…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":607,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[241,239,238,65,99,240,135],"class_list":["post-444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-next-steps","tag-commitment","tag-contract","tag-covenant","tag-jesus","tag-marriage","tag-salvation","tag-wedding"],"yoast_head":"\nTreat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You - Next Steps<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When we treat our commitment to a marriage the same way we treat our commitment to a cell phone contract, we fundamentally mistake what a marriage is.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Treat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You - Next Steps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When we treat our commitment to a marriage the same way we treat our commitment to a cell phone contract, we fundamentally mistake what a marriage is.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next Steps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"facebook.com\/drjoshdaffern\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-02-20T12:00:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2018\/02\/gabby-orcutt-78650-unsplash-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Josh Daffern\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@joshdaffern\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Treat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You - Next Steps","description":"When we treat our commitment to a marriage the same way we treat our commitment to a cell phone contract, we fundamentally mistake what a marriage is.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Treat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You - Next Steps","og_description":"When we treat our commitment to a marriage the same way we treat our commitment to a cell phone contract, we fundamentally mistake what a marriage is.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html","og_site_name":"Next Steps","article_author":"facebook.com\/drjoshdaffern","article_published_time":"2018-02-20T12:00:59+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2018\/02\/gabby-orcutt-78650-unsplash-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Josh Daffern","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@joshdaffern","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html","name":"Treat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You - Next Steps","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2018\/02\/gabby-orcutt-78650-unsplash-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2018-02-20T12:00:59+00:00","dateModified":"2018-02-20T12:00:59+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#\/schema\/person\/8ac2e15479ad6a320d2082837203cb7c"},"description":"When we treat our commitment to a marriage the same way we treat our commitment to a cell phone contract, we fundamentally mistake what a marriage is.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2018\/02\/gabby-orcutt-78650-unsplash-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2018\/02\/gabby-orcutt-78650-unsplash-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/treat-commitment-spouse-way-want-jesus-treat-commitment.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Treat Your Commitment To Your Spouse the Same Way You Want Jesus to Treat His Commitment to You"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/","name":"Next Steps","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Josh Daffern","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#\/schema\/person\/8ac2e15479ad6a320d2082837203cb7c","name":"Josh Daffern","description":"Born and raised in California, Josh graduated college from California Baptist University and spent two years as a missionary in Africa before coming back to America and finding the love of his life (Robin). Josh graduated from New Orleans Seminary with a Masters of Divinity and a Doctor of Ministry. Josh has been involved in full-time ministry for over twenty years. He enjoys hiking, beach volleyball, reading, playing anything competitive, and rough-housing with his kids. Josh, his gorgeous wife Robin, his outrageously handsome boys Zeke, Shepherd and Lincoln and his princess Elle, live in northern Virginia. Josh also blogs on Patheos as New Wineskins: an Apologist for the Modern Church and you can find links to all his content on joshdaffern.com. Enjoy the blog!","sameAs":["http:\/\/joshdaffern.com","facebook.com\/drjoshdaffern","https:\/\/x.com\/joshdaffern"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/author\/jdaffern"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/607"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":447,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions\/447"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}