{"id":439,"date":"2018-02-12T13:28:32","date_gmt":"2018-02-12T13:28:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/?p=439"},"modified":"2018-02-12T13:28:32","modified_gmt":"2018-02-12T13:28:32","slug":"2-myths-love-destroying-marriages-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/2-myths-love-destroying-marriages-today.html","title":{"rendered":"2 Myths About Love That Are Destroying Marriages Today"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"unsplash-logoClem
unsplash-logo<\/span>Clem Onojeghuo<\/span><\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Marriages are struggling today but I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone. Much of our failure in marriage comes from believing myths about what love truly is. When a couple meets and falls in love, the energy, the chemistry, the passion is real and palpable. Over time things begin to crowd in like careers and kids. The emotion can fade or disappear altogether, leading to the fateful words, “I just don’t love you anymore.” But even that statement is built on a myth of what love truly is.<\/p>\n

Myth #1: Love is an emotion.\u00a0<\/strong>If you simply type in the word “love” in Google<\/a>, you’ll get the world’s definition, “an intense feeling of deep affection.<\/em>” In the eyes of the world, love is something that you feel. Love is an emotion. The problem with emotions is that they are unpredictable and sometimes uncontrollable. If you equate love with the feelings associated with passion or romance then you’ll constantly be searching for your next emotional fix. Colossians 3:14<\/a> tells us that love is a choice. It’s the most emotional choice you’ll ever experience in this world, but at it’s core love is not an emotion. It’s a choice.<\/p>\n

Myth #2: Love is something that happens to you.<\/strong> We buy into this myth constantly when we use the phrase “fall in love.” That phrase of falling in love is passive, meaning it’s something out of our control, like we were walking along one day and failed to see the giant pit of love in front of us. We fell into it and had no control. The problem with this myth of love is that if you can’t control when you fall into love you can’t control when you fall out of love. Go back to Colossians 3:14 when Paul tells Christians to “put on love” as a virtue. He’s telling them to make a choice, to be intentional to show love. Love is not passive, love is not something that happens to you. Love is a choice.<\/p>\n

So when you tell your spouse, “I just don’t love you anymore,”\u00a0what you’re really saying is “I am making a choice, and I am choosing not to show you love anymore.” If that sounds harsh, it’s because it is, and these myths about love are destroying too many marriages.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Marriages are struggling today but I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone. Much of our failure in marriage comes from believing myths about what love truly is. When a couple meets and falls in love, the energy, the chemistry, the passion is real and palpable. Over time things begin to crowd in like careers…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":607,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[237,61,99],"class_list":["post-439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-next-steps","tag-divorce","tag-love","tag-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\n2 Myths About Love That Are Destroying Marriages Today - Next Steps<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When the love is gone from your marriage and divorce seems like the only option, be sure you're not falling for the myth of what love actually is.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2018\/02\/2-myths-love-destroying-marriages-today.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"2 Myths About Love That Are Destroying Marriages Today - 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Josh Daffern","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#\/schema\/person\/8ac2e15479ad6a320d2082837203cb7c","name":"Josh Daffern","description":"Born and raised in California, Josh graduated college from California Baptist University and spent two years as a missionary in Africa before coming back to America and finding the love of his life (Robin). Josh graduated from New Orleans Seminary with a Masters of Divinity and a Doctor of Ministry. Josh has been involved in full-time ministry for over twenty years. He enjoys hiking, beach volleyball, reading, playing anything competitive, and rough-housing with his kids. Josh, his gorgeous wife Robin, his outrageously handsome boys Zeke, Shepherd and Lincoln and his princess Elle, live in northern Virginia. Josh also blogs on Patheos as New Wineskins: an Apologist for the Modern Church and you can find links to all his content on joshdaffern.com. 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