{"id":221,"date":"2017-03-20T10:36:58","date_gmt":"2017-03-20T10:36:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/?p=221"},"modified":"2017-03-20T10:36:58","modified_gmt":"2017-03-20T10:36:58","slug":"3-steps-true-forgiveness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html","title":{"rendered":"3 Steps to True Forgiveness"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"unsplash.com\"
unsplash.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

33\u00a0<\/span>When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified Jesus\u00a0there, along with the criminals\u2014one on his right, the other on his left.<\/span>\u00a0<\/em>34\u00a0<\/span>Jesus said,\u00a0\u201cFather,forgive them<\/strong>, for they do not know what they are doing.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.<\/em> Luke 23:33-34<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

If you want to learn to truly forgive like Jesus, here are three essential steps you need to take:<\/p>\n

1). Pray for them. <\/b>If you want to start where Jesus started, you need to start with prayer. In the hours before Jesus was arrested, we find him praying in the Garden of Gethsemane.\u00a0Jesus wasn\u2019t just praying to kill time before Judas showed up, Jesus was praying to prepare himself for what was about to happen.\u00a0In fact, Jesus taught this. Look what he taught earlier in his life:<\/p>\n

28\u00a0Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.<\/em> Luke 6:28<\/p>\n

He says it again in Matthew 5:<\/p>\n

43\u00a0\u201cYou have heard that it was said, \u2018Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.\u2019 44\u00a0But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.<\/em> Matthew 5:43-44<\/p>\n

If you want to start down the path of true forgiveness, it always starts with prayer. Now, praying for them doesn\u2019t just mean praying judgement on them. If you truly want to forgive someone, your prayers can\u2019t always be: give them warts and really bad dandruff.<\/p>\n

You need to begin to pray for their souls, pray for their redemption, pray for God to move in their lives. That\u2019s the first step. Pray for them.<\/p>\n

2). Focus on how much God has forgiven you.<\/b> When Jesus asks God to forgive them because they don\u2019t know what they\u2019re doing, Jesus has perspective. Perspective is a powerful thing and can give you the power you need to forgive someone.<\/p>\n

If a one year-old could talk coherently, they would most likely be incredibly upset with their parents for taking to the doctor and getting shots. Think about it from their perspective. Here they are, a helpless baby. Their \u2018supposedly\u2019 loving parents take them into a cold, sterile room and allow a random stranger to stab them and puncture them with sharp objects and inject alien substances into their already frail bodies. Seriously? How is that love?<\/p>\n

As parents, that\u2019s love because vaccinations save them from a more horrific disease later on. It\u2019s all about perspective.<\/p>\n

When we struggle to forgive, many times its because our perspective is too small. We\u2019re focused on that one act of betrayal and the hurt that goes with it. We focus on it until it consumes our world and begins to blot out the sun.<\/p>\n

When we focus on how much God has forgiven us, we gain perspective. We remind ourselves just how many times we\u2019ve hurt others and how God continually forgives us. That\u2019s the whole point behind the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18.<\/p>\n

3). Choose to put the poison down. <\/b>If its still difficult to forgive someone because of the hurt they caused you, then think of forgiveness in purely selfish terms. Forgiveness isn\u2019t you condoning their actions, in fact forgiveness doesn\u2019t have to be about them at all. Make forgiveness about you. Don\u2019t just forgive because they deserve it, forgive because you need it.<\/p>\n

When you choose not to forgive, when you choose to hold onto unforgiveness, that unforgiveness turns into bitterness, and that bitterness is a poison that will destroy you and everything you love in life. So think of forgiveness simply as you choosing to put the poison down.<\/p>\n

I love this quote from author Anne Lamott, \u201cBitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s some of you right now. You\u2019re mad and angry at people that aren\u2019t even here. Maybe they\u2019re out of state, maybe you haven\u2019t talked to them in years, maybe they\u2019re already dead. But you\u2019re still holding onto that anger and bitterness. Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.<\/p>\n

The sad reality is that the person you\u2019re bitter at probably couldn\u2019t care less what you think, that\u2019s why they hurt you in the first place. But that anger and bitterness has to spill somewhere, so you\u2019re immediate family, your spouse and children, have to suffer the effects of the poison you\u2019re spewing out everywhere because of unforgiveness.<\/p>\n

Choose to put the poison down. That’s what true forgiveness looks like.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

33\u00a0When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified Jesus\u00a0there, along with the criminals\u2014one on his right, the other on his left.\u00a034\u00a0Jesus said,\u00a0\u201cFather,forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.\u201d\u00a0And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Luke 23:33-34 If you want to learn to truly forgive like Jesus,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":607,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[114,64,65],"class_list":["post-221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-next-steps","tag-forgive","tag-forgiveness","tag-jesus"],"yoast_head":"\n3 Steps to True Forgiveness - Next Steps<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you want to experience the power of true forgiveness that Jesus displayed in his life, you need to take these three essential steps.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 Steps to True Forgiveness - Next Steps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you want to experience the power of true forgiveness that Jesus displayed in his life, you need to take these three essential steps.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Next Steps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"facebook.com\/drjoshdaffern\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-03-20T10:36:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2017\/03\/ben-white-194220-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Josh Daffern\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@joshdaffern\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"3 Steps to True Forgiveness - Next Steps","description":"If you want to experience the power of true forgiveness that Jesus displayed in his life, you need to take these three essential steps.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"3 Steps to True Forgiveness - Next Steps","og_description":"If you want to experience the power of true forgiveness that Jesus displayed in his life, you need to take these three essential steps.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html","og_site_name":"Next Steps","article_author":"facebook.com\/drjoshdaffern","article_published_time":"2017-03-20T10:36:58+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2017\/03\/ben-white-194220-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Josh Daffern","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@joshdaffern","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html","name":"3 Steps to True Forgiveness - Next Steps","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2017\/03\/ben-white-194220-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2017-03-20T10:36:58+00:00","dateModified":"2017-03-20T10:36:58+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#\/schema\/person\/8ac2e15479ad6a320d2082837203cb7c"},"description":"If you want to experience the power of true forgiveness that Jesus displayed in his life, you need to take these three essential steps.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2017\/03\/ben-white-194220-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/files\/2017\/03\/ben-white-194220-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/2017\/03\/3-steps-true-forgiveness.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"3 Steps to True Forgiveness"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/","name":"Next Steps","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Josh Daffern","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/#\/schema\/person\/8ac2e15479ad6a320d2082837203cb7c","name":"Josh Daffern","description":"Born and raised in California, Josh graduated college from California Baptist University and spent two years as a missionary in Africa before coming back to America and finding the love of his life (Robin). Josh graduated from New Orleans Seminary with a Masters of Divinity and a Doctor of Ministry. Josh has been involved in full-time ministry for over twenty years. He enjoys hiking, beach volleyball, reading, playing anything competitive, and rough-housing with his kids. Josh, his gorgeous wife Robin, his outrageously handsome boys Zeke, Shepherd and Lincoln and his princess Elle, live in northern Virginia. Josh also blogs on Patheos as New Wineskins: an Apologist for the Modern Church and you can find links to all his content on joshdaffern.com. Enjoy the blog!","sameAs":["http:\/\/joshdaffern.com","facebook.com\/drjoshdaffern","https:\/\/x.com\/joshdaffern"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/author\/jdaffern"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/607"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=221"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":223,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221\/revisions\/223"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/nextsteps\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}