{"id":3977,"date":"2015-05-18T09:44:48","date_gmt":"2015-05-18T13:44:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/?p=3977"},"modified":"2015-05-18T09:44:48","modified_gmt":"2015-05-18T13:44:48","slug":"alone-time-requires-skill-courage-and-planning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/05\/alone-time-requires-skill-courage-and-planning.html","title":{"rendered":"Alone Time Requires Skill, Courage, and Planning"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"13222923304_6af1e8dc93_z\"<\/a>
Photo Credit Rachel Jaoquim<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I read an interesting piece on spending time alone recently by Cassandra Bodzak<\/a>. In a culture dominated by extrovert values, being alone might seem like alien territory and mostly to be avoided. Introverts crave it, but everyone needs it.<\/p>\n

Meditation gives us a chance to be alone with ourselves for at least a little while and this is, perhaps, why meditation is growing in popularity–it is tapping into our huge unmet need for time alone.<\/p>\n

To be alone is one thing, to be comfortable in that aloneness is another. We tend to laud the connection we have with others and sometimes forget that even the closest connections require space.<\/p>\n

When a child develops in a secure attachment relationship, the security of connection also involves time alone exploring the outer world and attending to one’s inner world. The better the attachment, the more capacity for being alone that develops.<\/p>\n

Do you get enough time alone with yourself in welcome solitude? Chances are the answer to this question is, “no.”<\/p>\n

How can you bring more alone time into your days and life? It starts with recognizing the need and then arranging your life to\u00a0make it so. Again, having a daily meditation practice builds solitude into the very fabric of your day.<\/p>\n

Once you’ve recognized the need and made the arrangements, you may still need to grant self-permission to enjoy this time. It may feel selfish to withdraw from others in this way. You may have to set limits on others to get the space you need.<\/p>\n

Now that you are alone with yourself you are not in the clear. Being alone and enjoying it requires solitude skills. Are yours honed? Are \u00a0you feeling disoriented by being disconnected from others and reaching for your phone to provide a bearing into the next moment?<\/p>\n

Sitting quietly alone is not always easy. For the same reason, meditation is not easy. The mind does not want to sit still and be quiet. It wants to do something–anything–other than sitting and breathing. People and information provide boundless distraction from the existential reality of this moment.<\/p>\n

The invitation is to look within. Not necessarily deep within as the meditation image often suggests but just looking within without the usual distractions. We can find plenty right below the surface once the busyness has cleared.<\/p>\n

Now we have something to work with. While this is an act performed in solitude it is still a relational act–we are attuning to ourselves. We are cultivating a relationship with ourselves and becoming more intimate with the energy of our life in this moment (and all the moments to come).<\/p>\n

This intimacy is based on open, clear, and non interfering perception. Whatever arises in our experience, we can greet it with curiosity, acceptance, and\u00a0willingness to learn from it.<\/p>\n

Being alone takes courage. Can you brave it today?<\/p>\n

You can learn more about building solitude into your life in my book, The Awakened Introvert<\/em>. Available now<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I read an interesting piece on spending time alone recently by Cassandra Bodzak. In a culture dominated by extrovert values, being alone might seem like alien territory and mostly to be avoided. Introverts crave it, but everyone needs it. Meditation gives us a chance to be alone with ourselves for at least a little while…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":268,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[732,962,8,963],"tags":[995,996,600,951],"class_list":["post-3977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-introverts","category-introverts-and-introversion","category-mindful-living","category-solitude-in-relationship","tag-alone-time","tag-being-alone-with-yourself","tag-quiet","tag-solitude"],"yoast_head":"\nAlone Time Requires Skill, Courage, and Planning - Mindfulness Matters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/05\/alone-time-requires-skill-courage-and-planning.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Alone Time Requires Skill, Courage, and Planning - Mindfulness Matters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I read an interesting piece on spending time alone recently by Cassandra Bodzak. 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Dr. Kozak's ability to translate ancient healing traditions into pragmatic applications suitable for modern lifestyles through the use of metaphors have made him a strong voice in healthcare and business. Beginning with a journey to India in the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s where he took the Bodhisattva vows from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Arnie Dr. Kozak began his lifelong practice in mindfulness meditation. Intent on finding a way to bring the practical healing attributes of mindfulness he began incorporating these techniques in his private practice. In 2002 Dr. Kozak created Exquisite Mind in Burlington, Vermont as a vehicle that could expand his wisdom to larger audiences beyond individual psychotherapy to professionals and corporations, health care providers, public groups and, most recently with Exquisite Mind Golf, amateur and professional golfers. His award-winning new book, Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants: 108 Metaphors for Mindfulness (Wisdom Publications, 2009) is a thoughtful, funny, and inspiring translation of mindfulness practice through the inventive use of metaphor applicable to our daily lives. In addition to his work with Exquisite Mind, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist\u00e2\u20ac\u201dDoctorate has been a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Vermont and is a Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Vermont College of Medicine. He has studied and practiced clinical psychology, meditation, and yoga for more than 25 years. He has studied with several meditation masters, including S. N. Goenka, Larry Rosenberg, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. After receiving his bachelors degree with honors from Tufts University, he was awarded a Presidential Fellowship to get his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University at Buffalo. He completed his training as a Psychological Fellow at the Harvard Medical School. Prior to founding the Exquisite Mind in 2002, Arnie worked ten years in the private sector for the PKC Corporation consulting on mental health content for this revolutionary software company.","sameAs":["http:\/\/exquisitemind.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/author\/akozak"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/268"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3977"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3977\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3985,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3977\/revisions\/3985"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}