{"id":3944,"date":"2015-04-28T15:07:12","date_gmt":"2015-04-28T19:07:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/?p=3944"},"modified":"2015-04-28T15:07:12","modified_gmt":"2015-04-28T19:07:12","slug":"love-the-inside-of-your-own-head-and-be-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/love-the-inside-of-your-own-head-and-be-free.html","title":{"rendered":"Love the Inside of Your Own Head and Be Free"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"81lp54gAdKL._SL1500_\"<\/a>I recently read Abigail Thomas’s new book, What Comes Next and How to Like It<\/em>. It’s a poetic reflection on a lifelong friendship and life itself. You can read it, as I did, on the span of an airplane ride.<\/p>\n

After the death of her husband, Thomas has chosen to live a life without romantic companionship–a relative life of solitude. Her consideration of this decision can give introverts a real sense of permission for the choice to be alone.<\/p>\n

We often idealize what it’s like to have someone else in our space overlooking the mundane realities of what it’s actually like. The value of having someone doesn’t get questioned because the entire culture seems to be built on being coupled.<\/p>\n

She does, of course, have her dogs and that contributes a lot. It’s not a life of isolation. I know this from my own experience. The long solitary hours and days of writing are accompanied by the dogs. Thomas reflects:<\/p>\n

Sometimes I wonder if I might be missing something with only dogs for companionship, but then I think about mornings. First there would be the discovery that there is no milk for someone who takes it in his coffee. Then the likelihood of conversation. I want to listen to the mourning doves. I like to sit on the sofa with the dogs, stroking Carolina\u2019s silky chest, and Rosie\u2019s satin flank. Harry Sits on my feet, standing guard. Suppose another person were here? What if he had opinions. What if he used \u201cdeconstruction\u201d with a straight face?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Like Pascal, she knows the value of being able sit in her room quiet and alone. The key to being able to “simply enjoying being alive in this room” is to be at peace with what is going on between your ears. She goes on to say:<\/p>\n

Lot\u2019s of people in my somewhat leaky boat are on the lookout for a human companion. Not me. I have learned to love the inside of my own head. There isn\u2019t much I\u2019d rather say than think.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

“I have learned to love the inside of my own head” could be the start to an introvert manifesto. Of course, the best way to come to love your inner headspace is to practice mindfulness and is the major theme of my book, The Awakened Introvert: Practical Mindfulness Skills for Maximizing Your Strengths and Thriving in a Loud and Crazy World<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently read Abigail Thomas’s new book, What Comes Next and How to Like It. It’s a poetic reflection on a lifelong friendship and life itself. You can read it, as I did, on the span of an airplane ride. After the death of her husband, Thomas has chosen to live a life without romantic…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":268,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,8,9,14],"tags":[982,848,951,984,983],"class_list":["post-3944","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-shelf","category-mindful-living","category-mindfulnesss","category-recommended","tag-abigail-thomas","tag-pascal","tag-solitude","tag-the-awakened-introvert","tag-what-comes-next-and-how-to-like-it"],"yoast_head":"\nLove the Inside of Your Own Head and Be Free - Mindfulness Matters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Love the Inside of Your Own Head and Be Free - Mindfulness Matters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I recently read Abigail Thomas’s new book, What Comes Next and How to Like It. 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Dr. Kozak's ability to translate ancient healing traditions into pragmatic applications suitable for modern lifestyles through the use of metaphors have made him a strong voice in healthcare and business. Beginning with a journey to India in the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s where he took the Bodhisattva vows from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Arnie Dr. Kozak began his lifelong practice in mindfulness meditation. Intent on finding a way to bring the practical healing attributes of mindfulness he began incorporating these techniques in his private practice. In 2002 Dr. Kozak created Exquisite Mind in Burlington, Vermont as a vehicle that could expand his wisdom to larger audiences beyond individual psychotherapy to professionals and corporations, health care providers, public groups and, most recently with Exquisite Mind Golf, amateur and professional golfers. His award-winning new book, Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants: 108 Metaphors for Mindfulness (Wisdom Publications, 2009) is a thoughtful, funny, and inspiring translation of mindfulness practice through the inventive use of metaphor applicable to our daily lives. In addition to his work with Exquisite Mind, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist\u00e2\u20ac\u201dDoctorate has been a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Vermont and is a Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Vermont College of Medicine. He has studied and practiced clinical psychology, meditation, and yoga for more than 25 years. He has studied with several meditation masters, including S. N. Goenka, Larry Rosenberg, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. After receiving his bachelors degree with honors from Tufts University, he was awarded a Presidential Fellowship to get his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University at Buffalo. He completed his training as a Psychological Fellow at the Harvard Medical School. Prior to founding the Exquisite Mind in 2002, Arnie worked ten years in the private sector for the PKC Corporation consulting on mental health content for this revolutionary software company.","sameAs":["http:\/\/exquisitemind.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/author\/akozak"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3944","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/268"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3944"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3944\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3950,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3944\/revisions\/3950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}