{"id":3893,"date":"2015-04-17T17:50:36","date_gmt":"2015-04-17T21:50:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/?p=3893"},"modified":"2015-04-17T17:50:36","modified_gmt":"2015-04-17T21:50:36","slug":"how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure id=\"attachment_3901\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-3901\" style=\"width: 450px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/snowpeak\/17170627501\/in\/explore-2015-04-16\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-3901\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/96\/2015\/04\/17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z\" width=\"450\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-3901\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo Credit: John Fowler<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Solitude is necessary for my existence just as water is. Without it, I wither and become listless in my desiccated state. I am not, however, a hermit. I am in a committed relationship, married in fact, and must negotiate my needs for solitude within this relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Unlike <a href=\"http:\/\/harpers.org\/archive\/2015\/04\/going-it-alone-2\/\">Fenton Johnson in his recent Harper&#8217;s article<\/a>, I feel that we can attain hydrating solitude within the confines of a committed relationship. This feat requires cooperation. If your partner also needs solitude to water themselves, that is a helpful start. But we are not all married to other introverts. Asking for time to oneself is an easy sell to an introvert partner and a much harder one to an extroverted one who may not get, intuitively, the <em>ask<\/em> for time alone. Here are some steps to consider:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Ask<\/li>\n<li>Explain why it is necessary (feel free to use my thirst metaphor)<\/li>\n<li>Commit to taking the time<\/li>\n<li>Maximize the soul-nurturing quality of that time (meditation can accomplish this; so, too, can creative endeavors)<\/li>\n<li>Be fully present during the times when you are with your partner<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Seeking solitude is a self-care habit as assuredly as drinking water. We can certainly forget to drink half our body weight in ounces of water each day and survive. Likewise, you can ignore your solitude needs and survive, but thriving may be out of the question. Over time, we will just become weary, disconnected, and life may feel colorless. We may become irritable. And we may take refuge in the low hanging fruit of an ersatz solitude &#8212; the television. Mindfulness practice is better.<\/p>\n<p>You can find more about relationships and solitude in the <a href=\"http:\/\/exquisitemind.com\/the-awakened-introvert.html\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Awakened Introvert:<\/em>\u00a0Order your copy now<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Solitude is necessary for my existence just as water is. Without it, I wither and become listless in my desiccated state. I am not, however, a hermit. I am in a committed relationship, married in fact, and must negotiate my needs for solitude within this relationship. Unlike Fenton Johnson in his recent Harper&#8217;s article, I&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":268,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[732,964,8,9,1],"tags":[965,966,951],"class_list":["post-3893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-introverts","category-meditation","category-mindful-living","category-mindfulnesss","category-the-laboratory","tag-committed-relationship","tag-meditation-for-solitude","tag-solitude"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship - Mindfulness Matters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship - Mindfulness Matters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Solitude is necessary for my existence just as water is. Without it, I wither and become listless in my desiccated state. I am not, however, a hermit. I am in a committed relationship, married in fact, and must negotiate my needs for solitude within this relationship. Unlike Fenton Johnson in his recent Harper&#8217;s article, I&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Mindfulness Matters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-04-17T21:50:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/files\/2015\/04\/17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dr. Arnie Kozak\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship - Mindfulness Matters","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship - Mindfulness Matters","og_description":"Solitude is necessary for my existence just as water is. Without it, I wither and become listless in my desiccated state. I am not, however, a hermit. I am in a committed relationship, married in fact, and must negotiate my needs for solitude within this relationship. Unlike Fenton Johnson in his recent Harper&#8217;s article, I&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html","og_site_name":"Mindfulness Matters","article_published_time":"2015-04-17T21:50:36+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/files\/2015\/04\/17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Dr. Arnie Kozak","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html","name":"How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship - Mindfulness Matters","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/files\/2015\/04\/17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2015-04-17T21:50:36+00:00","dateModified":"2015-04-17T21:50:36+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/#\/schema\/person\/5f92cf2ae15fbe04e74ca47527ac68d8"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/files\/2015\/04\/17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/files\/2015\/04\/17170627501_74e0e46bf2_z-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2015\/04\/how-to-create-solitude-in-the-context-of-relationship.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to Create Solitude in the Context of Relationship"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/","name":"Mindfulness Matters","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Arnie Kozak","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/#\/schema\/person\/5f92cf2ae15fbe04e74ca47527ac68d8","name":"Dr. Arnie Kozak","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/6ab\/6abd6f3205265768510a13d66ac2aff7x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/6ab\/6abd6f3205265768510a13d66ac2aff7x96.jpg","caption":"Dr. Arnie Kozak"},"description":"Recognized as an innovator in the field of mindfulness-based psychology, Dr. Arnie Kozak is northern New England's leading expert in the field. Dr. Kozak's ability to translate ancient healing traditions into pragmatic applications suitable for modern lifestyles through the use of metaphors have made him a strong voice in healthcare and business. Beginning with a journey to India in the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s where he took the Bodhisattva vows from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Arnie Dr. Kozak began his lifelong practice in mindfulness meditation. Intent on finding a way to bring the practical healing attributes of mindfulness he began incorporating these techniques in his private practice. In 2002 Dr. Kozak created Exquisite Mind in Burlington, Vermont as a vehicle that could expand his wisdom to larger audiences beyond individual psychotherapy to professionals and corporations, health care providers, public groups and, most recently with Exquisite Mind Golf, amateur and professional golfers. His award-winning new book, Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants: 108 Metaphors for Mindfulness (Wisdom Publications, 2009) is a thoughtful, funny, and inspiring translation of mindfulness practice through the inventive use of metaphor applicable to our daily lives. In addition to his work with Exquisite Mind, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist\u00e2\u20ac\u201dDoctorate has been a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Vermont and is a Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Vermont College of Medicine. He has studied and practiced clinical psychology, meditation, and yoga for more than 25 years. He has studied with several meditation masters, including S. N. Goenka, Larry Rosenberg, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. After receiving his bachelors degree with honors from Tufts University, he was awarded a Presidential Fellowship to get his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University at Buffalo. He completed his training as a Psychological Fellow at the Harvard Medical School. Prior to founding the Exquisite Mind in 2002, Arnie worked ten years in the private sector for the PKC Corporation consulting on mental health content for this revolutionary software company.","sameAs":["http:\/\/exquisitemind.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/author\/akozak"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3893","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/268"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3893"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3893\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3904,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3893\/revisions\/3904"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3893"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3893"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3893"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}