{"id":3171,"date":"2013-08-27T15:14:21","date_gmt":"2013-08-27T19:14:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/mindfulnessmatters\/?p=3171"},"modified":"2013-08-27T15:14:21","modified_gmt":"2013-08-27T19:14:21","slug":"perfectionism-and-hypocrisy-two-obstacles-to-living-an-awakened-and-happy-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2013\/08\/perfectionism-and-hypocrisy-two-obstacles-to-living-an-awakened-and-happy-life.html","title":{"rendered":"Perfectionism and Hypocrisy: Two Obstacles to Living an Awakened and Happy Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Buddha-and-me\"<\/a>
Photo Credit: Susan Lirakis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When it comes to spiritual development we tend to be perfectionists and also hypocrites. I will address perfectionism in this post and hypocrisy in another.<\/p>\n

I’ve read a lot of books on Buddhism and mindfulness over the past thirty years. Most of them inadvertently exploit our perfectionistic tendencies. We just don’t want some liberation, we want perfect liberation. And many of these books promise such.<\/p>\n

There is a basic confusion between a monastic and lay path. The Buddha was a monastic and a renunciant. He relinquished his family to pursue a path of discovery. He attained nirvana and he taught a path for everyone to attain it as well.<\/p>\n

We are confused by nirvana. Nirvana sounds sexy, transcendent, and would certainly be proof that we are worthy spiritual seekers. It is the holy grail of Buddhist practitioners. I will talk more about nirvana in a moment. We think we want this but in reality we want something else. Unless you are a renunciant monk, attainment of an enduring nirvana is not a realistic goal.<\/p>\n

Our confused longing for nirvana is, in part, based on misunderstanding what it is. Nirvana means cessation or blowing out. When the fires of greed, hatred, and delusion are no longer stoked with more fuel, that is craving and grasping, the fire goes out. Nirvana is what is when all this other stuff ceases. It is not some state of mystical transformation. It is the simply the removal of what gets in the way (simple in concept but not simple in practice).<\/p>\n

Living without craving and grasping is possible and a worthwhile pursuit. Here, again, I think it is better to think of a relative reduction of craving and grasping rather than their elimination. Paradoxically, the very goal to get rid of desire inserts new desire into the process, thus keeping us from the goal.<\/p>\n

If you are a monk devoting your life to the path, it is reasonable to work towards the goal of nirvana, but for those of us with jobs, families, and bodies, it is not a reasonable goal. What we want is a relative reduction in desire to reduce but not eliminate the stresses, dissatisfactions, miseries, and sufferings of life.<\/p>\n

We need to take the middle path in our efforts to embrace the Buddha’s middle path.<\/p>\n

Striving for perfection is a set-up for failure. What we want to accomplish is a shift in the suffering: wisdom ratio. We investigate our attachments not with an eye to eliminate but to become more fluid, responsive, and free in our relationships to people, things, and experiences. Changing that ratio is a monumental task and requires a constant vigilance. Any movement in the direction of wisdom will make the world a better place.<\/p>\n

Don’t buy the promise of the happiness that comes without attachments. We will continue to be attached to our loved ones and we will continue to pursue sense pleasures. The difference will be that we are not owned by these relationships or pursuits. We won’t base our entire identity upon them. We won’t make our self-worth contingent upon them.<\/p>\n

We will live in the world in a relatively liberated way and this is a huge accomplishment.<\/p>\n

Be mindful how perfectionism may be playing into your meditations, studies of the dharma, or anything else that you do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When it comes to spiritual development we tend to be perfectionists and also hypocrites. I will address perfectionism in this post and hypocrisy in another. I’ve read a lot of books on Buddhism and mindfulness over the past thirty years. Most of them inadvertently exploit our perfectionistic tendencies. 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Dr. Kozak's ability to translate ancient healing traditions into pragmatic applications suitable for modern lifestyles through the use of metaphors have made him a strong voice in healthcare and business. Beginning with a journey to India in the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s where he took the Bodhisattva vows from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Arnie Dr. Kozak began his lifelong practice in mindfulness meditation. Intent on finding a way to bring the practical healing attributes of mindfulness he began incorporating these techniques in his private practice. In 2002 Dr. Kozak created Exquisite Mind in Burlington, Vermont as a vehicle that could expand his wisdom to larger audiences beyond individual psychotherapy to professionals and corporations, health care providers, public groups and, most recently with Exquisite Mind Golf, amateur and professional golfers. His award-winning new book, Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants: 108 Metaphors for Mindfulness (Wisdom Publications, 2009) is a thoughtful, funny, and inspiring translation of mindfulness practice through the inventive use of metaphor applicable to our daily lives. In addition to his work with Exquisite Mind, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist\u00e2\u20ac\u201dDoctorate has been a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Vermont and is a Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Vermont College of Medicine. He has studied and practiced clinical psychology, meditation, and yoga for more than 25 years. He has studied with several meditation masters, including S. N. Goenka, Larry Rosenberg, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. After receiving his bachelors degree with honors from Tufts University, he was awarded a Presidential Fellowship to get his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University at Buffalo. He completed his training as a Psychological Fellow at the Harvard Medical School. Prior to founding the Exquisite Mind in 2002, Arnie worked ten years in the private sector for the PKC Corporation consulting on mental health content for this revolutionary software company.","sameAs":["http:\/\/exquisitemind.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/author\/akozak"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/268"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3171"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3171\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3183,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3171\/revisions\/3183"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}