{"id":3101,"date":"2013-08-01T14:29:34","date_gmt":"2013-08-01T18:29:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/mindfulnessmatters\/?p=3101"},"modified":"2013-08-01T14:29:34","modified_gmt":"2013-08-01T18:29:34","slug":"contemplating-how-regret-and-perfectionism-keep-us-stuck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2013\/08\/contemplating-how-regret-and-perfectionism-keep-us-stuck.html","title":{"rendered":"Contemplating How Regret and Perfectionism Keep Us Stuck"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"834F8DF60A7A4128A473642C13A7AC05.ashx\"<\/a>I’ve been thinking a lot about regret, stuckness, and perfectionism leading up to my Kripalu workshop that starts on Sunday. Regret is a variant of stuckness. We are locked into the past, replaying a loop of a past event, usually where we have done something we perceive as wrong, shameful, or, well, regrettable. Perfectionism is another variation of being stuck. Here, we are trying to control \u00a0the future by making it just so. The pressure to be perfect can actually lead to procrastination, a particularly vexing form of stuckness.<\/p>\n

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news first. We are bound by rules, stories, and agendas that we are unaware of. These have been conditioned over a lifetime and do not always correspond to reality. As Jonathan Gottschall says in his book, The Storytelling Animal<\/em><\/a>, these stories are more “truthy” than true. The good news is that we can revised these stories. We can detect their presence through mindfulness and meditation and liberate ourselves from them through methods such as Story Art<\/a>. It takes a lot of practice, though, to disabuse ourselves of this very old and very entrenched habit of believing our stories.<\/p>\n

If we could somehow drop all the storytelling activity and just dwell in the moment we would know what the Buddha called Nirvana. Of course, we can’t drop it for more than a moment, perhaps, but the more we practice the more of these moments will occur.<\/p>\n

If you missed it, I wrote a piece of perfectionism called “Perfectly Imperfect”<\/a> for Beliefnet and this is currently featured on the Beliefnet homepage. I was also featured in an article on Getting Unstuck<\/a> for the Thrive Kripalu blog site.<\/p>\n

Not sure if I will be posting when I am at Kripalu, so I’ll look forward to seeing you there or when I return.<\/p>\n

Peace,<\/p>\n

Arnie.<\/p>\n

Register here:\u00a0http:\/\/kripalu.org\/program\/view\/LRS-131\/mindfulness_a8211z_liberating_regret_stuckness<\/a><\/p>\n

CE Credits
\nThis program is eligible for
\n23.5 credits for Social Workers (SW), $20 additional charge
\n23.5 credits for Certified Counselors (NBCC), $20 additional charge<\/p>\n

–Beliefnet piece on perfectionism:http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/Wellness\/Galleries\/Perfectly-Imperfect-10-Strategies-for-Overcoming-Perfectionism.aspx<\/a>
\n–Article I was quoted on getting unstuck:http:\/\/kripalu.org\/blog\/thrive\/2013\/07\/27\/how-to-get-unstuck-and-get-back-to-your-practice\/<\/a>
\n–Arnie on Mindfulness videos:\u00a0https:\/\/vimeo.com\/album\/2472758<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve been thinking a lot about regret, stuckness, and perfectionism leading up to my Kripalu workshop that starts on Sunday. Regret is a variant of stuckness. We are locked into the past, replaying a loop of a past event, usually where we have done something we perceive as wrong, shameful, or, well, regrettable. 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Dr. Kozak's ability to translate ancient healing traditions into pragmatic applications suitable for modern lifestyles through the use of metaphors have made him a strong voice in healthcare and business. Beginning with a journey to India in the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s where he took the Bodhisattva vows from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Arnie Dr. Kozak began his lifelong practice in mindfulness meditation. Intent on finding a way to bring the practical healing attributes of mindfulness he began incorporating these techniques in his private practice. In 2002 Dr. Kozak created Exquisite Mind in Burlington, Vermont as a vehicle that could expand his wisdom to larger audiences beyond individual psychotherapy to professionals and corporations, health care providers, public groups and, most recently with Exquisite Mind Golf, amateur and professional golfers. His award-winning new book, Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants: 108 Metaphors for Mindfulness (Wisdom Publications, 2009) is a thoughtful, funny, and inspiring translation of mindfulness practice through the inventive use of metaphor applicable to our daily lives. In addition to his work with Exquisite Mind, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist\u00e2\u20ac\u201dDoctorate has been a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Vermont and is a Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Vermont College of Medicine. He has studied and practiced clinical psychology, meditation, and yoga for more than 25 years. He has studied with several meditation masters, including S. N. Goenka, Larry Rosenberg, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. After receiving his bachelors degree with honors from Tufts University, he was awarded a Presidential Fellowship to get his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University at Buffalo. He completed his training as a Psychological Fellow at the Harvard Medical School. Prior to founding the Exquisite Mind in 2002, Arnie worked ten years in the private sector for the PKC Corporation consulting on mental health content for this revolutionary software company.","sameAs":["http:\/\/exquisitemind.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/author\/akozak"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/268"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3101"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3101\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3106,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3101\/revisions\/3106"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}