{"id":1375,"date":"2011-06-05T14:43:59","date_gmt":"2011-06-05T18:43:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/mindfulnessmatters\/?p=1375"},"modified":"2011-06-05T14:43:59","modified_gmt":"2011-06-05T18:43:59","slug":"a-quick-note-on-grief-and-this-moment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/2011\/06\/a-quick-note-on-grief-and-this-moment.html","title":{"rendered":"A Quick Note on Grief and This Moment"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In a recent comment, one of Mindfulness Matter’s readers shared her questions in the wake of the loss of a loved one. She wondered whether mindfulness was really as simple as it is sometimes portrayed. She also wondered how to handle the grief in a mindful way.<\/p>\n

What I typically say, and did in a recent pos<\/a>t, is that mindfulness IS simple, yet not necessarily easy. That\u2019s an important distinction. In fact, it may be quite hard to be mindful, but what mindfulness is or is not is not complicated.<\/p>\n

What is this moment? The psychological present is about three seconds long and that could be considered \u201cthis moment.\u201d Anything that is happening within those three seconds is part of the landscape of now. Of course, this now occurs in the context of some activity \u2014 what is happening now? Driving, walking, daydreaming, meditating, are all activities that can happen now; working, talking, playing, too, whatever is going on. The activity sets the vicinity of this moment.<\/p>\n

As I just mentioned, whatever is happening now is part of now. Mindfulness is not about excluding some experiences to privilege others. So, of course, the experience of grief would be included in this moment. The question of mindfulness revolves around the question of awareness. If you are aware that you are thinking of your loved one, then you are being mindful of a memory, image, feeling related to your loved one. If you are swept away by that memory, image, and feelings and lose touch with your sense of awareness then you are not being mindful in that particular instant. When you recognize where your attention is at then you\u2019ve once again come to mindfulness.<\/p>\n

Here you have a choice about where you are attention goes. Mindfulness is not about orchestrating what is happening now, rather, it is opening to what is occurring now \u2014 approaching it with interest, even if it might be uncomfortable, scary, or painful. This moment can be dull, poignant, or exciting. The practice of mindfulness does not seek to push anything away or pull anything towards. It is about allowing these experiences to come into our field of awareness and to touch them, get close to them, as much as we can. So, the invitation is to be open to whatever unfolds in the grief space of loss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a recent comment, one of Mindfulness Matter’s readers shared her questions in the wake of the loss of a loved one. She wondered whether mindfulness was really as simple as it is sometimes portrayed. She also wondered how to handle the grief in a mindful way. 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Dr. Kozak's ability to translate ancient healing traditions into pragmatic applications suitable for modern lifestyles through the use of metaphors have made him a strong voice in healthcare and business. Beginning with a journey to India in the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s where he took the Bodhisattva vows from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Arnie Dr. Kozak began his lifelong practice in mindfulness meditation. Intent on finding a way to bring the practical healing attributes of mindfulness he began incorporating these techniques in his private practice. In 2002 Dr. Kozak created Exquisite Mind in Burlington, Vermont as a vehicle that could expand his wisdom to larger audiences beyond individual psychotherapy to professionals and corporations, health care providers, public groups and, most recently with Exquisite Mind Golf, amateur and professional golfers. His award-winning new book, Wild Chickens and Petty Tyrants: 108 Metaphors for Mindfulness (Wisdom Publications, 2009) is a thoughtful, funny, and inspiring translation of mindfulness practice through the inventive use of metaphor applicable to our daily lives. In addition to his work with Exquisite Mind, Arnie Kozak, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist\u00e2\u20ac\u201dDoctorate has been a Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Vermont and is a Clinical Instructor in Psychiatry and Medicine, University of Vermont College of Medicine. He has studied and practiced clinical psychology, meditation, and yoga for more than 25 years. He has studied with several meditation masters, including S. N. Goenka, Larry Rosenberg, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. After receiving his bachelors degree with honors from Tufts University, he was awarded a Presidential Fellowship to get his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University at Buffalo. He completed his training as a Psychological Fellow at the Harvard Medical School. Prior to founding the Exquisite Mind in 2002, Arnie worked ten years in the private sector for the PKC Corporation consulting on mental health content for this revolutionary software company.","sameAs":["http:\/\/exquisitemind.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/author\/akozak"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/268"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1375"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1380,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375\/revisions\/1380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1375"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1375"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/mindfulnessmatters\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1375"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}