{"id":715,"date":"2009-03-26T04:01:50","date_gmt":"2009-03-26T04:01:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/markdroberts\/2009\/03\/and-a-paula-abdul-too.html"},"modified":"2009-03-26T04:01:50","modified_gmt":"2009-03-26T04:01:50","slug":"and-a-paula-abdul-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2009\/03\/and-a-paula-abdul-too.html","title":{"rendered":". . . and a Paula Abdul too!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday I suggested that we need a “Simon Cowell” in our lives, somebody who risks telling us the hard truth we probably don’t want to hear. Though I’m not advocating the kind of rudeness in which Simon dabbles at times as a judge of American Idol<\/em>, I do think sometimes we need to hear the blunt truth, even when it hurts.
\nSeveral of those who posted comments yesterday agreed with me and added their own insights. But I had to chuckle over a sage comment by Bill Goff<\/a>: “I think most of [us] coiuld use a Paula Abdul (for encouragement) as well as a Simon Cowell for reality.” Yes, indeed! Thanks, Bill, for this suggestion. We do need people in our lives who build us up with encouragement.
\nIf you’re not an American Idol<\/em> fan, you may not know that Paula Abdul, the dancer-singer, is as famous for her attempts to be postive as Simon Cowell is for his efforts at blunt negativity. Almost no matter what, Paula looks for something positive to say about a contestant. Sometimes it’s only, “I’m so proud of you for being yourself!” What she doesn’t say is that this person’s “self” is a really lousy singer. (Photo: The judges, from the left: Randy, Kara, Paula, and Simon).
\nWe can learn several things about encouragement from Paula. For one thing, her example reminds us how much people need encouragement. Sometimes you have to work at saying something positive, but it’s almost always well worth the effort. However, Paula is so positive so much of the time that she can lose credibility. She reminds me of parents who are endlessly praising their children, so much so that their praise loses its power.
\nSo, we do need Simon Cowells in our lives, people who tell us hard truths we need to hear. And we also need Paula Abduls, people who encourage us by paying attention to that which is special and valuable in us.
\nHaving said this, I would add one other bit of unsolicited advice. For the most part, you and I need to be more like Paula and less like Simon. If we style ourselves as the blunt tough-truth-tellers, we’ll probably do as much damage as good. In time, people won’t be inclined to listen to us. If you’re going to be a Simon in somebody’s life, you need to earn this right. And you earn this right, in part, by being Paula, by being complimentary and positive most of the time.
\nI think, for example, of a person from Irvine Presbyterian Church whom I’ll call “Michael.” Michael was one of the most complimentary members of the church . . . and one of the most critical. During my sixteen years as pastor, he probably offered a word of complaint or criticism fifty times. But I always listened to Michael, not only because he was someone whose opinion I respected, but also because he brought genuine words of praise probably five hundred times. Truly. I’ll bet his ration of criticism to praise was something like 1 to 10. Thus he earned my trust, such that I was able to hear the criticism.
\nSo, don’t rush out today and try to be everybody’s Simon. Start with Paula, and do your Simon routine sparingly, when you intend to help and not hurt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday I suggested that we need a “Simon Cowell” in our lives, somebody who risks telling us the hard truth we probably don’t want to hear. Though I’m not advocating the kind of rudeness in which Simon dabbles at times as a judge of American Idol, I do think sometimes we need to hear the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-715","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts"],"yoast_head":"\n. . . and a Paula Abdul too! - Mark D. 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Roberts","description":"Mark D. Roberts: Thoughtfully Christian Reflections on Jesus, the Church, and the World","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/1ff094a57b7e41f534434b1723df3d73","name":"Mark D. Roberts","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","caption":"Mark D. Roberts"},"description":"The Rev. Dr. Mark D. Roberts is a pastor, author, retreat leader, speaker, and blogger. Since October 2007 he has been the Senior Director and Scholar-in-Residence for Laity Lodge, a multifaceted ministry in the Hill Country of Texas. Before coming to Laity Lodge, he was for sixteen years the Senior Pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church in Irvine, California (a city in Orange County about forty miles south of Los Angeles). Before his time at Irvine Pres, Mark served on the staff of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood as Associate Pastor of Education. (Thanks to Janel Pahl for taking the photo to the right.) Mark studied at Harvard University, receiving a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in the Study of Religion, and a Ph.D. in New Testament and Christian Origins. He has taught classes in New Testament for Fuller Theological Seminary and San Francisco Theological Seminary. Mark has written several books, including No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer (WaterBrook, 2005), Dare to Be True (WaterBrook, 2003), Jesus Revealed (WaterBrook, 2002), After \"I Believe\" (Baker, 2002), and Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther (Word, 1993). His most recent book is Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (Crossway, 2007). He is currently working on a commentary on Ephesians that will be published by Zondervan in 2014. Mark writes a devotional for The High Calling of Our Daily Work, a website associated with Laity Lodge. His \"Daily Reflections\" can be viewed online or sent as a daily email. If you wish to receive this email, just visit TheHighCalling.org and sign up. Mark serves on the editorial board of Worship Leader magazine, where he publishes articles and reviews, including his regular column \"Lyrical Poetry.\" Additionally, he has published dozens of articles in leading magazines and journals. He often speaks for churches and other Christian groups, and has been interviewed on over seventy-five radio programs nationwide. Mark is married to Linda, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Spiritual Director, and a retreat speaker. They have two children, Nathan and Kara.For Publicity Photos and Bio Statements for Mark, please check here. Mark's Dossier Professional History: Senior Director and Scholar-in Residence, Laity Lodge, October 2007 to present. Senior Pastor Irvine Presbyterian Church, June 1991 to September 2007 Adjunct Assistant Professor Fuller Theological Seminary, 1994 to 2007. Courses: New Testament Theology and Exegesis. Adjunct Instructor San Francisco Theological Seminary, 1995 to 2001. Courses: New Testament Greek and Exegesis Associate Pastor of Education First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, 1987-1991 Teaching Fellow Harvard University, 1980-1983 Education: Ph.D. in the Study of Religion. Harvard University, 1992. Area: New Testament and Christian Origins M.A. in the Study of Religion Harvard University, 1984. A.B. magna cum laude in Philosophy Harvard University, 1979. Phi Beta Kappa; Danforth Fellowship Books: Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Crossway, 2007 No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer. WaterBrook, 2005 Dare to Be True: Living in the Freedom of Complete Honesty. WaterBrook, 2003. Jesus Revealed: Know Him Better to Love Him Better. WaterBrook, 2002. After \"I Believe\": Experiencing Authentic Christian Living. Baker, 2002. Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther in the Communicator's Commentary Series. Word, 1993. Contacting Mark: You can reach Mark at: E-mail: mark@markdroberts.com mroberts@laitylodge.org Phone: Laity Lodge: (830) 792-1216 Address: Laity Lodge 719 Earl Garrett Kerrville, TX 78028","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/author\/mroberts"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/715","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=715"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/715\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=715"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=715"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=715"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}