{"id":439,"date":"2008-05-13T01:01:07","date_gmt":"2008-05-13T01:01:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/markdroberts\/2008\/05\/blog-tour-trading-places-by-drs-les-and-leslie-parrott.html"},"modified":"2008-05-13T01:01:07","modified_gmt":"2008-05-13T01:01:07","slug":"blog-tour-trading-places-by-drs-les-and-leslie-parrott","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2008\/05\/blog-tour-trading-places-by-drs-les-and-leslie-parrott.html","title":{"rendered":"Blog Tour: Trading Places by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>I’m the seventh stop in a book blog tour for Trading Places: The Best Move You’ll Ever Make in Your Marriage<\/em><\/a> by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. If you’re interested, you can find the other stops here<\/a>.
\nHere’s the Parrotts official bio:<\/p>\n

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of www.RealRelationships.com<\/a><\/em> and the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their bestselling books include Love Talk<\/em>, Your Time Starved Marriage<\/em>, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts<\/em>. Their work has been featured in the New York Times<\/em> and USA Today<\/em> and they have appeared on CNN<\/em>, Good Morning America<\/em>, and Oprah<\/em>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

They are well known for their excellent work on marriages, as scholars and especially as people committed to helping others. Trading Places<\/em> falls into the later category.
\nSo, with no further ado, here are my question for the Parrotts and their answer:
\nQuestion from Mark for Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott<\/strong>
\nLes and Leslie:
\nFirst, thanks for stopping by my blog on your blog tour. It’s a pleasure to have you here.
\nSecond, thanks for your consistently excellent efforts to strengthen marriages. Your books, conferences, and other resources have helped literally millions of spouses to have healthier and happier marriages.
\nThird, thanks for writing Trading Places<\/em>. This is a fine book: focused, readable, engaging, relevant. In reading Trading Places<\/em> as a part of my preparation for your blog tour, I was challenged personally as a husband. (I say this as a dyed-in-the-wool Analyzer who has to work hard at the feeling part of empathy.)
\nOkay, now my question: You make a solid case for the importance of empathy in marriage. I’m convinced. So, why do you think so many marriages lack empathy? If it’s so important, and if the fruits of empathy are so delightful, why do husbands and wives struggle with this stuff?<\/em>
\nThanks for taking time to respond to this question.
\nAnswer from Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott<\/strong>
\nWe\u2019re glad we\u2019ve convinced you to practice more empathy!\u00a0 That\u2019s terrific.\u00a0 And we\u2019re so glad you like the book.\u00a0 You\u2019ve posed a good question.
\nWe\u2019ve often felt that if we could give a couple about to be married anything in the world, we\u2019d give them a box of empathy.\u00a0 Can you imagine who nice it would be if this quality would be that simple to instill?\u00a0 Of course, it\u2019s not that easy.\u00a0 And that\u2019s precisely why empathy, or \u201ctrading places,\u201d is lacking in so many marriage \u2013 it takes intentional effort.
\nMany of us think we\u2019re already empathizing with our spouse.\u00a0 We think we accurately understand his or her circumstances.\u00a0 We believe that we have feelings that are in tune with his or her emotional world.\u00a0 But truth be told, we\u2019re often missing the mark.\u00a0 We make assumptions about our spouse\u2019s circumstances and experiences that are simply not accurate.\u00a0 So, even if we are well intended when it comes to empathy, we too often miss the mark because we lack the skills.\u00a0 Of course, that\u2019s why we wrote the book \u2026 to hand off these skills in a way that you can put into practice.
\nBut there\u2019s another reason that so many couples don\u2019t take advantage of empathy in their relationship \u2013 and it\u2019s a selfish one.\u00a0 We mistakenly believe that if we empathize, if we try to see the world from our partner\u2019s perspective, that we will be setting out own needs aside.\u00a0 We erroneously believe that our own needs will not get met.\u00a0 But nothing is farther from the truth.\u00a0 Empathy, in fact, is the quickest way to get your own needs met.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because once your partner senses your empathic investment in him or her, the act is contageous.\u00a0 He or she is soon beginning to empathize with you.\u00a0 Empathy begets empathy.\u00a0 And that\u2019s precisely why we believe that \u201ctrading places\u201d is the most rewarding skill you\u2019ll ever practice in your marriage.<\/em>
\nResponse from Mark<\/strong>
\nThanks, Les and Leslie, for this thoughtful and helpful response.
\nSpeaking as a husband and a pastor, you answer hits the spot. It’s easy for folks, including me, to assume that we’re empathizing with our spouse, when in fact we are not giving the “intentional effort” required. I know I can simply take it for granted that I’m in touch with my wife’s feelings, when in fact I’m simply wrapped up in myself.
\nOne of the things I appreciate about Trading Places<\/em> is its focus. Often books on marriage offer too much advice for me to take in and act upon. I can feel overwhelmed. Trading Places<\/em>, by focusing on empathy, encourages me to grow in this crucial characteristic of marriage, without feeling like I have to get it all right.
\nFinal Word for My Readers<\/strong>
\nIf you’re married, Trading Places<\/em><\/a> will help you have a better marriage now. If you’re on the way to marriage, buy Trading Places<\/em><\/a> and get a head start on empathy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m the seventh stop in a book blog tour for Trading Places: The Best Move You’ll Ever Make in Your Marriage by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. If you’re interested, you can find the other stops here. Here’s the Parrotts official bio: Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of www.RealRelationships.com and the Center for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-holy-week-easter"],"yoast_head":"\nBlog Tour: Trading Places by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott - Mark D. 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Les and Leslie Parrott"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/","name":"Mark D. Roberts","description":"Mark D. Roberts: Thoughtfully Christian Reflections on Jesus, the Church, and the World","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/1ff094a57b7e41f534434b1723df3d73","name":"Mark D. Roberts","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","caption":"Mark D. Roberts"},"description":"The Rev. Dr. Mark D. Roberts is a pastor, author, retreat leader, speaker, and blogger. Since October 2007 he has been the Senior Director and Scholar-in-Residence for Laity Lodge, a multifaceted ministry in the Hill Country of Texas. Before coming to Laity Lodge, he was for sixteen years the Senior Pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church in Irvine, California (a city in Orange County about forty miles south of Los Angeles). Before his time at Irvine Pres, Mark served on the staff of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood as Associate Pastor of Education. (Thanks to Janel Pahl for taking the photo to the right.) Mark studied at Harvard University, receiving a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in the Study of Religion, and a Ph.D. in New Testament and Christian Origins. He has taught classes in New Testament for Fuller Theological Seminary and San Francisco Theological Seminary. Mark has written several books, including No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer (WaterBrook, 2005), Dare to Be True (WaterBrook, 2003), Jesus Revealed (WaterBrook, 2002), After \"I Believe\" (Baker, 2002), and Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther (Word, 1993). His most recent book is Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (Crossway, 2007). He is currently working on a commentary on Ephesians that will be published by Zondervan in 2014. Mark writes a devotional for The High Calling of Our Daily Work, a website associated with Laity Lodge. His \"Daily Reflections\" can be viewed online or sent as a daily email. If you wish to receive this email, just visit TheHighCalling.org and sign up. Mark serves on the editorial board of Worship Leader magazine, where he publishes articles and reviews, including his regular column \"Lyrical Poetry.\" Additionally, he has published dozens of articles in leading magazines and journals. He often speaks for churches and other Christian groups, and has been interviewed on over seventy-five radio programs nationwide. Mark is married to Linda, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Spiritual Director, and a retreat speaker. They have two children, Nathan and Kara.For Publicity Photos and Bio Statements for Mark, please check here. Mark's Dossier Professional History: Senior Director and Scholar-in Residence, Laity Lodge, October 2007 to present. Senior Pastor Irvine Presbyterian Church, June 1991 to September 2007 Adjunct Assistant Professor Fuller Theological Seminary, 1994 to 2007. Courses: New Testament Theology and Exegesis. Adjunct Instructor San Francisco Theological Seminary, 1995 to 2001. Courses: New Testament Greek and Exegesis Associate Pastor of Education First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, 1987-1991 Teaching Fellow Harvard University, 1980-1983 Education: Ph.D. in the Study of Religion. Harvard University, 1992. Area: New Testament and Christian Origins M.A. in the Study of Religion Harvard University, 1984. A.B. magna cum laude in Philosophy Harvard University, 1979. Phi Beta Kappa; Danforth Fellowship Books: Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Crossway, 2007 No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer. WaterBrook, 2005 Dare to Be True: Living in the Freedom of Complete Honesty. WaterBrook, 2003. Jesus Revealed: Know Him Better to Love Him Better. WaterBrook, 2002. After \"I Believe\": Experiencing Authentic Christian Living. Baker, 2002. Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther in the Communicator's Commentary Series. Word, 1993. Contacting Mark: You can reach Mark at: E-mail: mark@markdroberts.com mroberts@laitylodge.org Phone: Laity Lodge: (830) 792-1216 Address: Laity Lodge 719 Earl Garrett Kerrville, TX 78028","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/author\/mroberts"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=439"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/439\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}