{"id":314,"date":"2008-01-04T01:01:23","date_gmt":"2008-01-04T01:01:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/markdroberts\/2008\/01\/what-is-helping-me-to-let-go-section-a.html"},"modified":"2008-01-04T01:01:23","modified_gmt":"2008-01-04T01:01:23","slug":"what-is-helping-me-to-let-go-section-a","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2008\/01\/what-is-helping-me-to-let-go-section-a.html","title":{"rendered":"What is Helping Me to Let Go (Section A)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Part 2 of series: Letting Go of a Church
\n<\/em>Permalink for this post<\/a> \/ Permalink for this series<\/a>
\nIn my last post I talked about my current struggle to let go of Irvine Presbyterian Church, where I served as pastor for sixteen years until three months ago. By “let go” I don’t mean I have to sever my personal friendships with church members, or that I need to stop caring for the church. But I do need to step completely back from my pastoral relationship with the church so that the congregation and I can grow in apprpropriate ways. Moreover, I need to limit my face-to-face involvement with the church for a season so we can all move on emotionally.
\nI have lots of help as I seek to do what’s best both for Irvine Pres and for me and my family. There are several things in my life to help me do the right thing. I will note these below. My point in doing so is not only to explain my own situation, but also to offer help to other pastors and churches. I have seen so many relationships between churches and former pastors become destructive, and I’d like very much to help this not occur. So, here are some of the things that help me stay on the right course as a former<\/em> pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church.
\n1. My Conviction that the Church and I Need to Move On<\/strong>
\nI believe that the sort of transition I’m writing about is important, and that pastors need to let go of churches when they leave. This conviction helps to govern my behavior, especially when my feelings might lead me astray.
\n2. My Observations of What Happens When a Pastor is Too Involved with a Former Church<\/strong>
\nThese observations strengthen my conviction in #1. I elaborated upon this in my last post. In every situation I’ve been able to watch closely, the involvement of a former pastor in a church soon after the pastor’s departure leads to trouble.
\n3. My Personal Support System<\/strong>
\nI have several people in my life who help me do what’s right, including my wife, my close friends, several fellow pastors, and friends who are also leaders at Irvine Presbyterian Church.
\n4. Physical Distance Between the Church and Me<\/strong>
\nFor most of the past three months, I’ve lived 1300 miles away from Irvine Presbyterian Church. When one lives in Boerne, Texas, there isn’t too much opportunity to drop in. Surely this has helped me let go. (Photo: A view of Boerne in the summer)
\nI’ve thought about how much more difficult it must be for a pastor who leaves a church, perhaps through retirement, without moving away. In some cases of which I am aware, the pastor’s family continues to be active in the pastor’s former church, understandably so. But this almost inevitably leads to problems, even when the former pastor and family try to be supportive of the new leadership.
\nI’m grateful that, for the most part, physical distance helps me to let go of my pastoral role at Irvine Pres. Yet we mustn’t forget that technology shrinks distance. If I wanted to meddle, I could easily do so by phone, by e-mail, or even by blog. I could put up a seemingly innocent post on “Why Such-and Such is a Bad Idea,” knowing full well that Such-and-Such was being considered by the leaders of Irvine Pres. Yet this is something I will not do. Wouldn’t be prudent.
\n5. I Love My New Job and Have Plenty to Do<\/strong>
\nI mentioned yesterday that I love my new job as Senior Director and Scholar-in-Residence at Laity Lodge.<\/a> I have wonderful colleagues. The mission of Laity Lodge engages me and excites me. There are big challenges here and big opportunities. And I have more than enough to keep me thoroughly occupied. All of this helps me to let go of Irvine Pres, I’m quite sure. If I was sitting in Texas pining away for my old job, or if I was bored, or if I realized that I had made a mistake in coming here, I expect things would be different. But, thanks be to God, Laity Lodge is a perfect fit for me and I couldn’t be happier. No doubt this helps me let go.
\nTomorrow I’ll suggest some other factors that are helping me to let go of Irvine Presbyterian Church.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Part 2 of series: Letting Go of a Church Permalink for this post \/ Permalink for this series In my last post I talked about my current struggle to let go of Irvine Presbyterian Church, where I served as pastor for sixteen years until three months ago. By “let go” I don’t mean I have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-314","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pastors-and-churches"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat is Helping Me to Let Go (Section A) - Mark D. Roberts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2008\/01\/what-is-helping-me-to-let-go-section-a.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What is Helping Me to Let Go (Section A) - Mark D. Roberts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Part 2 of series: Letting Go of a Church Permalink for this post \/ Permalink for this series In my last post I talked about my current struggle to let go of Irvine Presbyterian Church, where I served as pastor for sixteen years until three months ago. 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Roberts","description":"Mark D. Roberts: Thoughtfully Christian Reflections on Jesus, the Church, and the World","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/1ff094a57b7e41f534434b1723df3d73","name":"Mark D. Roberts","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","caption":"Mark D. Roberts"},"description":"The Rev. Dr. Mark D. Roberts is a pastor, author, retreat leader, speaker, and blogger. Since October 2007 he has been the Senior Director and Scholar-in-Residence for Laity Lodge, a multifaceted ministry in the Hill Country of Texas. Before coming to Laity Lodge, he was for sixteen years the Senior Pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church in Irvine, California (a city in Orange County about forty miles south of Los Angeles). Before his time at Irvine Pres, Mark served on the staff of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood as Associate Pastor of Education. (Thanks to Janel Pahl for taking the photo to the right.) Mark studied at Harvard University, receiving a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in the Study of Religion, and a Ph.D. in New Testament and Christian Origins. He has taught classes in New Testament for Fuller Theological Seminary and San Francisco Theological Seminary. Mark has written several books, including No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer (WaterBrook, 2005), Dare to Be True (WaterBrook, 2003), Jesus Revealed (WaterBrook, 2002), After \"I Believe\" (Baker, 2002), and Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther (Word, 1993). His most recent book is Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (Crossway, 2007). He is currently working on a commentary on Ephesians that will be published by Zondervan in 2014. Mark writes a devotional for The High Calling of Our Daily Work, a website associated with Laity Lodge. His \"Daily Reflections\" can be viewed online or sent as a daily email. If you wish to receive this email, just visit TheHighCalling.org and sign up. Mark serves on the editorial board of Worship Leader magazine, where he publishes articles and reviews, including his regular column \"Lyrical Poetry.\" Additionally, he has published dozens of articles in leading magazines and journals. He often speaks for churches and other Christian groups, and has been interviewed on over seventy-five radio programs nationwide. Mark is married to Linda, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Spiritual Director, and a retreat speaker. They have two children, Nathan and Kara.For Publicity Photos and Bio Statements for Mark, please check here. Mark's Dossier Professional History: Senior Director and Scholar-in Residence, Laity Lodge, October 2007 to present. Senior Pastor Irvine Presbyterian Church, June 1991 to September 2007 Adjunct Assistant Professor Fuller Theological Seminary, 1994 to 2007. Courses: New Testament Theology and Exegesis. Adjunct Instructor San Francisco Theological Seminary, 1995 to 2001. Courses: New Testament Greek and Exegesis Associate Pastor of Education First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, 1987-1991 Teaching Fellow Harvard University, 1980-1983 Education: Ph.D. in the Study of Religion. Harvard University, 1992. Area: New Testament and Christian Origins M.A. in the Study of Religion Harvard University, 1984. A.B. magna cum laude in Philosophy Harvard University, 1979. Phi Beta Kappa; Danforth Fellowship Books: Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Crossway, 2007 No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer. WaterBrook, 2005 Dare to Be True: Living in the Freedom of Complete Honesty. WaterBrook, 2003. Jesus Revealed: Know Him Better to Love Him Better. WaterBrook, 2002. After \"I Believe\": Experiencing Authentic Christian Living. Baker, 2002. Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther in the Communicator's Commentary Series. Word, 1993. Contacting Mark: You can reach Mark at: E-mail: mark@markdroberts.com mroberts@laitylodge.org Phone: Laity Lodge: (830) 792-1216 Address: Laity Lodge 719 Earl Garrett Kerrville, TX 78028","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/author\/mroberts"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=314"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=314"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=314"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=314"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}