{"id":179,"date":"2007-09-27T03:01:40","date_gmt":"2007-09-27T03:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/markdroberts\/2007\/09\/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-pastor.html"},"modified":"2007-09-27T03:01:40","modified_gmt":"2007-09-27T03:01:40","slug":"the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-pastor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2007\/09\/the-hardest-thing-about-being-a-pastor.html","title":{"rendered":"The Hardest Thing About Being a Pastor"},"content":{"rendered":"

Part 10 of series: Grace in the Rearview Mirror: A Pastoral Retrospective<\/em>
\nPermalink for this post<\/a> \/ Permalink for this series<\/a>
\nIn yesterday’s post I explained several things I found difficult about being a parish pastor: the difficulty of certain decisions, the heaviness of people’s burdens, the painfulness of receiving criticism, and the implications of personnel decisions. For me, these were indeed troublesome. But the hardest thing about being a pastor, in my experience, is dealing with people’s expectations.
\nPeople in churches expect many things of their pastors. They expect us:<\/p>\n

\u2022 To be good oral communicators and to have truthful theology.
\n\u2022 To be caring counselors, good listeners and people of prayer who can help folks get through hard times and grow in their faith.
\n\u2022 To be present in personal emergencies, like unexpected hospitalizations or deaths in a family.
\n\u2022 To guide then through the intricacies of planning and performing weddings and memorial services.
\n\u2022 To be visionary leaders who can help churches both remain strong and grow in their ministries.
\n\u2022 To be wise and attentive managers of staff (if that’s in our job descriptions).
\n\u2022 To be decent writers, at least for the church newsletter and for other pastoral communications within the church.
\n\u2022 To be able to respond intelligently to a myriad of personal and theological questions.
\n\u2022 To be readily available to the congregation.
\n\u2022 To represent the church well in the community.
\n\u2022 To live exemplary moral lives.
\n\u2022 To be prayerful both in public and in private.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I’ll stop here, though you could certainly add to my list.
\nLet me say clearly that I think many of these expectations are quite fair. I think almost all pastors should be good at preaching or teaching, and should be caring people who set a good example in the way they live and who are indeed people of prayer. So I’m not complaining about the fact that people have expectations for pastors.
\nAlso, you may have noticed that I said the hardest part of pastoring is “dealing with<\/em> people’s expectations.” This is the responsibility of the pastor. The fact that I sometimes had a hard time dealing with the expectations people had for me isn’t necessarily their fault at all. It often had to do with my own insecurity, need to please, and lack of clarity about my own calling.
\nBut I think it’s certainly true that it isn’t quite fair to expect pastors to be good at all of the things on my list. For example, people who are visionary leaders tend not to be great managers because different skill sets are needed for the different tasks. Strong managers often have to be tough with people, which is not a trait easily found among tenderhearted types who are good pastoral counselors. Or, if a pastor is going to be an effective preacher\/teacher, this requires time for study. Devoting such time means that the pastor cannot be available to the congregation in the way some folks would like.
\nI found the diverse expectations of people difficult because it was absolutely impossible for me to fulfill such diverse expectations, and that meant I had to live with a measure of unhappiness with me. This was not easy for me. But some good things came out of it.
\nFor one thing, I was continually forced to evaluate myself and my work. Was I doing the most important things? Was I shaping my priorities according to God’s truth, and not according to people’s wishes?
\nToward the end of my tenure at Irvine Presbyterian Church, I began to ask my board of elders for help with my “diverse expectations” problem. How I wish I had done this years earlier! They were willing to help me, and so a conversation began. That discussion wasn’t an easy one because, as you might imagine, the elders themselves had differing views on how I should spend my time. Some wanted me to focus on teaching and preaching. Others preferred that I spend more time in personal counseling and discipleship. Others thought my priorities should be in the area of personnel and program management. Nevertheless, I’m glad we began this conversation, even though it ended up not being relevant to my particular ministry. It is the beginning of a crucial conversation about the job description of the pastor who will replace me.
\nBy far the best thing about the hardest part of being a pastor was the fact that, when I felt overwhelmed by people’s expectations, I was forced to turn to the Lord, to seek God’s wisdom and guidance, as well as His comfort. I had to remember who my one true Boss was, and whom I most sought to please. Knowing God’s pleasure in my pastoral efforts gave the strength to do what I believed to be most important, even if in doing so I wasn’t winning any popularity contests.
\nOf course what I’ve just said about living to please God isn’t simply for pastors. All of us will find our true meaning and focus in life when we seek God’s pleasure above all else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Part 10 of series: Grace in the Rearview Mirror: A Pastoral Retrospective Permalink for this post \/ Permalink for this series In yesterday’s post I explained several things I found difficult about being a parish pastor: the difficulty of certain decisions, the heaviness of people’s burdens, the painfulness of receiving criticism, and the implications of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-179","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pastors-and-churches"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Hardest Thing About Being a Pastor - Mark D. 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Roberts","description":"Mark D. Roberts: Thoughtfully Christian Reflections on Jesus, the Church, and the World","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/1ff094a57b7e41f534434b1723df3d73","name":"Mark D. Roberts","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","caption":"Mark D. Roberts"},"description":"The Rev. Dr. Mark D. Roberts is a pastor, author, retreat leader, speaker, and blogger. Since October 2007 he has been the Senior Director and Scholar-in-Residence for Laity Lodge, a multifaceted ministry in the Hill Country of Texas. Before coming to Laity Lodge, he was for sixteen years the Senior Pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church in Irvine, California (a city in Orange County about forty miles south of Los Angeles). Before his time at Irvine Pres, Mark served on the staff of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood as Associate Pastor of Education. (Thanks to Janel Pahl for taking the photo to the right.) Mark studied at Harvard University, receiving a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in the Study of Religion, and a Ph.D. in New Testament and Christian Origins. He has taught classes in New Testament for Fuller Theological Seminary and San Francisco Theological Seminary. Mark has written several books, including No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer (WaterBrook, 2005), Dare to Be True (WaterBrook, 2003), Jesus Revealed (WaterBrook, 2002), After \"I Believe\" (Baker, 2002), and Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther (Word, 1993). His most recent book is Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (Crossway, 2007). He is currently working on a commentary on Ephesians that will be published by Zondervan in 2014. Mark writes a devotional for The High Calling of Our Daily Work, a website associated with Laity Lodge. His \"Daily Reflections\" can be viewed online or sent as a daily email. If you wish to receive this email, just visit TheHighCalling.org and sign up. Mark serves on the editorial board of Worship Leader magazine, where he publishes articles and reviews, including his regular column \"Lyrical Poetry.\" Additionally, he has published dozens of articles in leading magazines and journals. He often speaks for churches and other Christian groups, and has been interviewed on over seventy-five radio programs nationwide. Mark is married to Linda, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Spiritual Director, and a retreat speaker. They have two children, Nathan and Kara.For Publicity Photos and Bio Statements for Mark, please check here. Mark's Dossier Professional History: Senior Director and Scholar-in Residence, Laity Lodge, October 2007 to present. Senior Pastor Irvine Presbyterian Church, June 1991 to September 2007 Adjunct Assistant Professor Fuller Theological Seminary, 1994 to 2007. Courses: New Testament Theology and Exegesis. Adjunct Instructor San Francisco Theological Seminary, 1995 to 2001. Courses: New Testament Greek and Exegesis Associate Pastor of Education First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, 1987-1991 Teaching Fellow Harvard University, 1980-1983 Education: Ph.D. in the Study of Religion. Harvard University, 1992. Area: New Testament and Christian Origins M.A. in the Study of Religion Harvard University, 1984. A.B. magna cum laude in Philosophy Harvard University, 1979. Phi Beta Kappa; Danforth Fellowship Books: Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Crossway, 2007 No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer. WaterBrook, 2005 Dare to Be True: Living in the Freedom of Complete Honesty. WaterBrook, 2003. Jesus Revealed: Know Him Better to Love Him Better. WaterBrook, 2002. After \"I Believe\": Experiencing Authentic Christian Living. Baker, 2002. Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther in the Communicator's Commentary Series. Word, 1993. Contacting Mark: You can reach Mark at: E-mail: mark@markdroberts.com mroberts@laitylodge.org Phone: Laity Lodge: (830) 792-1216 Address: Laity Lodge 719 Earl Garrett Kerrville, TX 78028","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/author\/mroberts"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/179","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=179"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/179\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=179"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=179"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=179"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}