I once was part of a leadership group with renowned CEO Max DePree.
\nSomeone made the comment about how hard we pastors work and someone
\nelse chimed in that pastors work harder than anyone. Max wisely and
\ncalmly chided us, saying that from his experience pastors don’t work
\nharder than any other executive or mid-level manager in most companies
\nhe knows. I wholeheartedly agree. I don’t travel nearly as much as
\nmost of the men my age in my congregation. And while I work hard, I
\nalso get lots of support to balance family and personal time with work
\ntime. (I am even taking a few days off this week to recuperate from
\nHoly Week.)<\/p>\n
\n 1. We work in what Ed Friedman calls “an emotional
\nfield”. That is that our work, by it’s very nature, is work that
\ndemands that we constantly negotiate and monitor our own emotional
\nissues while at the same time navigating the emotions and anxieties of
\nother people and the church system. We not only preach, teach, lead,
\nadministrate, counsel and consult, we do it while also attending to the
\nemotional health of the church system, tending to (mostly unspoken)
\nprojections and expectations of a community that is by nature filled
\nwith confusing boundaries. The church is a “family” and a “business”
\nat the same time. People want us to be both “professional” and
\n“personal”. We get criticized for not knowing everything there is to
\nknow about the mystery of God and not knowing every person’s name in
\nour congregation when we run into them at the grocery store. Our
\ncongregation is both our “customer” and our “client” and our “partners”
\nand our “bosses” all at the same time. Again, we don’t work harder.
\nIt’s just really complex and emotionally really demanding.<\/p>\n
2. Ministers are very prone to confuse our “self” with our
\n“roles”. In our “roles” we are admitted into the holy ground of
\npeople’s personal lives and literally into every setting in the church
\nlife. (And in the church itself: I have a coveted “#1 key” that can
\nopen every door in our church. An apt symbol for the role of a
\npastor.) We are often asked to pray at OTHER people’s family
\ngatherings, we get welcomed into hospital rooms that even family
\nmembers can’t go in. People trust us with family secrets. I can walk
\ninto any meeting, any classroom, any conversation on the patio at our
\nchurch and they will literally stop what they are doing to welcome me
\nand listen to whatever I want to say. But that is because I am the
\n“PASTOR”. (“Tod” can’t do any of that. Because when I try that at home,
\nmy 13 year old daughter says, “Daddy, you’re interrupting!” ) And the
\nrespect and affirmation we get as pastors is heady stuff and often in
\ngreat contrast to the “normal” lives we live outside the pulpit and
\naway from the congregation. As a pastor, when I preach a sermon, people
\nliterally tell me they “LOVE me.” And I think, at that moment, they
\nreally mean it. When God works in people’s lives, they genuinely feel
\nsomething of love toward the messenger. And since most of us who go
\ninto ministry do so as “wounded healers” who are working out their own
\nbrokenness, it is really tempting for ministers to work out their
\npersonal foibles in the church setting and neglect their emotional,
\nrelational and spiritual lives. It is very tempting to believe that
\nbecause others are being saved, sanctified and comforted through you,
\nthat you MUST really be as secure, holy and solid as WISH you were.
\nMost Christian leaders problems come from confusing the “role” that God
\ngives us and equips us to play with the “self” that is always in need
\nof grace, community, and truth to be whole.<\/p>\n
We pastors must indeed bring our real “self” to our roles, but we
\nmust keep clear that we are NOT our roles. We are children of God in
\nneed of discipline by our heavenly father, we are spouses and parents
\nand siblings and friends. We are saints in need of sanctification and
\nsinners in need of forgiveness. We may pray eloquently and preach
\npassionately, but we also snore and swear and have hurt feelings and
\nvery humble foibles and fears. If we only play the role all the time,
\nnot only do our families and relationships suffer, our souls will die,
\ntoo.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
In the famous story, Narcissus is cursed for being cruel to another.
\nThe curse is that he will fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with
\nthe next face he sees. He sees his own face in a reflection in a lake
\nand then can’t take his eyes off of his own reflection, so he sits by
\nthe lake pining in sadness until he dies. We tend to think of
\nnarcissists as ego-maniacs who “love themselves”. But as the best
\npsychology will tell us, narcissism is a wound that comes from not
\ngetting enough love and care for our “real” selves. We narcissists
\n(and pastors are in the same category with actors, politicians and
\nbusiness executives here) are those who have learned to get affirmation
\nfor our “image” that we can’t seem to get for our “selves.” We must
\nnever forget that in the myth, Narcissus, dies of starvation. He can’t
\npull away from attending to the image in the lake to feed his genuinely
\nhungry self.<\/p>\n
Thanks, Tod, for these wise words.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A couple of days ago I posted excerpts from a recent letter of John Piper to his congregation. In this letter, Piper explains in strikingly honest terms that he is taking an eight-month leave of absence from his pastoral duties in order to focus on his marriage and his soul. Today, on his blog, It…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,48],"tags":[97,96,98],"class_list":["post-1079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christian-living","category-church-life","tag-pastor-souls","tag-pastors","tag-tod-bolsinger"],"yoast_head":"\n
Tod Bolsinger Offers Wise Insights on Pastors and Their Souls - Mark D. Roberts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2010\/04\/tod-bolsinger-offers-wise-insights-on-pastors-and-their-souls.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tod Bolsinger Offers Wise Insights on Pastors and Their Souls - Mark D. Roberts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A couple of days ago I posted excerpts from a recent letter of John Piper to his congregation. In this letter, Piper explains in strikingly honest terms that he is taking an eight-month leave of absence from his pastoral duties in order to focus on his marriage and his soul. Today, on his blog, It…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/2010\/04\/tod-bolsinger-offers-wise-insights-on-pastors-and-their-souls.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Mark D. Roberts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-04-09T00:00:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/markdroberts\/files\/import\/photos\/bolsinger-tod-montana-5.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mark D. Roberts\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Tod Bolsinger Offers Wise Insights on Pastors and Their Souls - Mark D. 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Roberts","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/f2d\/f2ddf5f080861f66ea230384f9d1bab2x96.jpg","caption":"Mark D. Roberts"},"description":"The Rev. Dr. Mark D. Roberts is a pastor, author, retreat leader, speaker, and blogger. Since October 2007 he has been the Senior Director and Scholar-in-Residence for Laity Lodge, a multifaceted ministry in the Hill Country of Texas. Before coming to Laity Lodge, he was for sixteen years the Senior Pastor of Irvine Presbyterian Church in Irvine, California (a city in Orange County about forty miles south of Los Angeles). Before his time at Irvine Pres, Mark served on the staff of the First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood as Associate Pastor of Education. (Thanks to Janel Pahl for taking the photo to the right.) Mark studied at Harvard University, receiving a B.A. in Philosophy, an M.A. in the Study of Religion, and a Ph.D. in New Testament and Christian Origins. He has taught classes in New Testament for Fuller Theological Seminary and San Francisco Theological Seminary. Mark has written several books, including No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer (WaterBrook, 2005), Dare to Be True (WaterBrook, 2003), Jesus Revealed (WaterBrook, 2002), After \"I Believe\" (Baker, 2002), and Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther (Word, 1993). His most recent book is Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John (Crossway, 2007). He is currently working on a commentary on Ephesians that will be published by Zondervan in 2014. Mark writes a devotional for The High Calling of Our Daily Work, a website associated with Laity Lodge. His \"Daily Reflections\" can be viewed online or sent as a daily email. If you wish to receive this email, just visit TheHighCalling.org and sign up. Mark serves on the editorial board of Worship Leader magazine, where he publishes articles and reviews, including his regular column \"Lyrical Poetry.\" Additionally, he has published dozens of articles in leading magazines and journals. He often speaks for churches and other Christian groups, and has been interviewed on over seventy-five radio programs nationwide. Mark is married to Linda, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Spiritual Director, and a retreat speaker. They have two children, Nathan and Kara.For Publicity Photos and Bio Statements for Mark, please check here. Mark's Dossier Professional History: Senior Director and Scholar-in Residence, Laity Lodge, October 2007 to present. Senior Pastor Irvine Presbyterian Church, June 1991 to September 2007 Adjunct Assistant Professor Fuller Theological Seminary, 1994 to 2007. Courses: New Testament Theology and Exegesis. Adjunct Instructor San Francisco Theological Seminary, 1995 to 2001. Courses: New Testament Greek and Exegesis Associate Pastor of Education First Presbyterian Church of Hollywood, 1987-1991 Teaching Fellow Harvard University, 1980-1983 Education: Ph.D. in the Study of Religion. Harvard University, 1992. Area: New Testament and Christian Origins M.A. in the Study of Religion Harvard University, 1984. A.B. magna cum laude in Philosophy Harvard University, 1979. Phi Beta Kappa; Danforth Fellowship Books: Can We Trust the Gospels? Investigating the Reliability of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Crossway, 2007 No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer. WaterBrook, 2005 Dare to Be True: Living in the Freedom of Complete Honesty. WaterBrook, 2003. Jesus Revealed: Know Him Better to Love Him Better. WaterBrook, 2002. After \"I Believe\": Experiencing Authentic Christian Living. Baker, 2002. Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther in the Communicator's Commentary Series. Word, 1993. Contacting Mark: You can reach Mark at: E-mail: mark@markdroberts.com mroberts@laitylodge.org Phone: Laity Lodge: (830) 792-1216 Address: Laity Lodge 719 Earl Garrett Kerrville, TX 78028","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/author\/mroberts"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1079"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1079"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1079"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/markdroberts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1079"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"Tod](\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/94\/import\/photos\/bolsinger-tod-montana-5.jpg\")
<\/span><\/p>\n