{"id":829,"date":"2020-03-30T14:59:42","date_gmt":"2020-03-30T14:59:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=829"},"modified":"2020-03-30T14:59:42","modified_gmt":"2020-03-30T14:59:42","slug":"go-ahead-go-to-bed-angry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/03\/go-ahead-go-to-bed-angry.html","title":{"rendered":"Go Ahead\u2026 Go to Bed Angry."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

If you and your\u00a0spouse\u00a0get into an argument, you may feel pressured to resolve your disagreement before bedtime.<\/p>\n

After all, isn\u2019t there a wise old saying about \u201cnever going to bed angry\u201d?<\/p>\n

You might want to heed the\u00a0marriage<\/a>\u00a0experts\u2019 advice, though: if you and your spouse are\u00a0fighting<\/a>, go ahead and go to bed mad. In this blog, I\u2019ll explain why. Read on\u2026<\/p>\n

Why Forcing Reconciliation While Angry May Not Work<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Many of us were raised on wise old sayings, and we may feel the right thing to do, when angry, is to hurry up and resolve the conflict we\u2019re having with our spouse.<\/p>\n

But think about what happens: you have your point of view, and you are digging in on your side. Your spouse has a point of view, and is dug in as well. Meanwhile, you\u2019re watching the clock. It\u2019s getting close to bedtime, and the pressure is on to resolve this conflict before it\u2019s time for shut-eye.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not likely that you will want to resolve the conflict by conceding 100% to your spouse, and unlikely that your spouse is inclined to do so, either, just for the sake of not going to bed angry. At best, you may have a grudging cease-fire, and then toss and turn all night about it.<\/p>\n

Here is what the\u00a0marriage\u00a0experts say: go ahead and go to bed angry. Why?<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re fighting with your spouse, it\u2019s hard to be logical because you are waist-deep in an emotional response: anger. You\u2019ve heard the term \u201chot-headed\u201d in connection with anger? It\u2019s because you are fuming inside, and it makes you slightly irrational. It\u2019s difficult to reconcile with your spouse and resolve an issue if you\u2019re feeling this way.<\/p>\n

A major physiological response you are experiencing is known as flooding, in which your strong\u00a0emotions<\/a>\u00a0send a surge through your system, almost like a shot of adrenaline. Your nervous system becomes engaged to prepare for a feeling of being threatened: your breathing becomes more shallow and faster, and your heartbeat quickens, as well.<\/p>\n

One of the best ways to reverse this physiological response is to take a break and calm down\u2026 and what could be a better way to take a break than to go to sleep?<\/p>\n

Here are 3 tips for managing your conflict the next day\u2026<\/p>\n

3 Ways to Manage Conflict and Anger<\/strong><\/h2>\n

So you went to bed, angry and exhausted, and now that a new day is dawning, what should you do?<\/p>\n

Here are three ways to manage the conflict:<\/p>\n

Tip #1: Assess Your Feelings<\/strong><\/h3>\n

So, you\u2019ve both slept on the problem and have awakened more relaxed\u2014or at least too groggy to fight. Do you find that your perspective has changed?<\/p>\n

Without the heat of in-the-moment anger, you may look at the problem or issue a little differently once you\u2019ve had that opportunity to cool off. Assess where you stand today.<\/p>\n

Tip #2: Broach the Topic Calmly<\/strong><\/h3>\n

No one wants to wake up in the morning, roll out of bed and begin arguing. Since the morning presents a fresh start, find a different way to calmly bring up the conflict. Keep your tone neutral, and watch the words you choose<\/a>: don\u2019t use a neutral tone but select ammo-ready words that will set your spouse off.<\/p>\n

Tip #3: Aim for Diplomacy<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Now that you are both calmer, look for a way to meet in the middle. Tell your spouse, \u201cI would like to resolve this so that we both feel satisfied. What do you say?\u201d<\/p>\n

Your spouse should be feeling much calmer after having slept on things, as well, and may be more than willing to cooperate to find a mutually satisfactory solution to whatever the issue is. If nothing else, aim for a truce.<\/p>\n

My best to you as you resolve conflict in your marriage.<\/p>\n

Do you and your spouse try to resolve fights before going to bed angry?<\/em><\/p>\n

Have you ever gauged your physiological response in the midst of a heated argument with your spouse? What does it feel like inside?<\/em><\/p>\n

How often do you and your spouse take a diplomatic approach to resolving conflict?<\/em><\/p>\n

Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you and your\u00a0spouse\u00a0get into an argument, you may feel pressured to resolve your disagreement before bedtime. After all, isn\u2019t there a wise old saying about \u201cnever going to bed angry\u201d? You might want to heed the\u00a0marriage\u00a0experts\u2019 advice, though: if you and your spouse are\u00a0fighting, go ahead and go to bed mad. In this blog,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61],"tags":[94,97,100,103,70,106,109,112,115,118],"class_list":["post-829","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationship-advice","tag-angry","tag-argument","tag-conflict","tag-disagreement","tag-eliminate-the-anger","tag-emotional-response","tag-fighting","tag-marriage-advice","tag-marriage-experts","tag-spouse-fighting"],"yoast_head":"\nGo Ahead\u2026 Go to Bed Angry. - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/03\/go-ahead-go-to-bed-angry.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Go Ahead\u2026 Go to Bed Angry. - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you and your\u00a0spouse\u00a0get into an argument, you may feel pressured to resolve your disagreement before bedtime. 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After all, isn\u2019t there a wise old saying about \u201cnever going to bed angry\u201d? You might want to heed the\u00a0marriage\u00a0experts\u2019 advice, though: if you and your spouse are\u00a0fighting, go ahead and go to bed mad. 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However I\u2019ve found the key to solving those problems and I\u2019m sharing it all here, so you don\u2019t have to go through years of trial and error like me. What is lifestyle development? Lifestyle development deals with every area of your life whether it\u2019s being relationships, finances, health or personal growth. The blog\u2019s aim is to help you create the amazing lifestyle that you want. Through my blog you will be able to follow my experiences and lessons. Articles and videos aimed to educate and motivate you into taking the necessary steps in getting the life you deserve. 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