{"id":811,"date":"2020-03-02T16:34:03","date_gmt":"2020-03-02T16:34:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=811"},"modified":"2020-03-02T16:34:03","modified_gmt":"2020-03-02T16:34:03","slug":"cheating-for-the-good-of-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/03\/cheating-for-the-good-of-your-marriage.html","title":{"rendered":"Cheating: For the Good of Your Marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you really want to shake up your marriage and get it on the right track\u2014it\u2019s time to have an affair.<\/p>\n

Gasp, sputter\u2026\u00a0what<\/em>?<\/p>\n

In this blog, I\u2019ll explain what I mean, so don\u2019t panic\u2026 In addition, I\u2019ll give you 3 tips for rebuilding your marriage, from the ground up if necessary. Please keep reading\u2026<\/p>\n

Go Ahead\u2014Cheat<\/h2>\n

\"\"I hope you\u2019re still with me. Let me explain who I\u2019m advocating you have an affair with: your own spouse.<\/p>\n

A book recently came out espousing cheating on your spouse\u00a0with\u00a0your spouse. Most people do the double-take\u2026 what does that\u00a0mean<\/em>?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s what you\u2019ve been encouraged to do in previous blogs: have fun with your spouse.<\/p>\n

When people marry, it\u2019s only too easy for life to get in the way of having fun with our spouse. Hey, you\u2019ve already snagged each other\u2026 you can leave the dating world behind, right?<\/p>\n

But if you don\u2019t treat each other with the same sense of wonder, interest and sharing that you did during your dating period\u2014you are putting your marriage in jeopardy.<\/p>\n

Maybe your marriage is already in jeopardy. Either your spouse has had an affair, or you have had one\u2014or both of you have been tempted. Affairs may be a way to get some spark back for people, but it\u2019s a character flaw to do it in such a way. How does an affair with someone outside your marriage improve things\u00a0inside\u00a0<\/em>your marriage?<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t. In fact, it can mean the death knell for your bond.<\/p>\n

Neglect can erode your marriage, whether either partner decides to\u00a0cheat<\/a>\u00a0or not. You could say your wedding vows, and then let everything slide and end up in\u00a0divorce<\/a>\u00a0court just as easily as a spouse cheating and putting you there. And after an affair, it\u2019s impossible\u2014once you\u2019ve worked on your own self-healing\u2014to rebuild the marriage if at some point you don\u2019t put effort into that actual \u201cbuilding\u201d of the relationship.<\/p>\n

And building a relationship is fun\u2014if you make it so.<\/p>\n

So if you\u2019re feeling bored in your marriage, or it feels like it\u2019s all work and no play\u2026 read on.<\/p>\n

All Work and No Play Makes a Sad Marriage<\/strong><\/h2>\n

There are many couples who are overloaded with \u201cTo Do\u201d lists: they maintain busy professional lives, keep up their home, run their errands, sit on hold for customer support, raise children, help parents who are aging and ailing, volunteer time to needy causes\u2026<\/p>\n

And what often gets shunted to not just the backburner\u2014but behind the stove\u2014is their marriage.<\/p>\n

Being married is more than just being able to show a piece of paper showing that it\u2019s legally binding. A marriage is a commitment to yourself and your spouse to keep the union thriving. A simple analogy: if a plant doesn\u2019t receive sunlight, water, or nutrients from the soil, for how long can it thrive?<\/p>\n

Here are 3 tips to help your marriage thrive through having an affair<\/a> with your own spouse:<\/p>\n

Tip #1: Take a cue from your past<\/h3>\n

Think back to your dating-your-spouse days\u2026<\/p>\n

    \n
  • What drew you to your partner?<\/li>\n
  • What types of things did you used to do together as a couple?<\/li>\n
  • Did you dream of doing certain things together, such as travel, or try a new sport together?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Write down what you can remember.<\/p>\n

    Tip #2: Assess where you are today<\/h3>\n

    Think about how your life has changed since you married:<\/p>\n

      \n
    • What additional responsibilities do you have now that you didn\u2019t have then?<\/li>\n
    • When is the last time you sat and had a relaxed conversation with your spouse?<\/li>\n
    • Where did you go on your last outing as a couple\u2014and when was that?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      You may notice, when you write down your answers to these questions, that life has definitely gotten in the way. Either you were more carefree while you were dating because you were younger and didn\u2019t have very many responsibilities, or you prioritized your dating time.<\/p>\n

      Tip #3: Grab your spouse and go<\/h3>\n

      It\u2019s time to plan an outing. Don\u2019t let anything become an issue: if you want something bad enough, you can make it happen.<\/p>\n

      If money is an issue, then plan an outing that doesn\u2019t cost. Many communities post free music and other art events. Movie theaters have reduced pricing at certain times. Or, plan to make an exotic meal together.<\/p>\n

      Or, plan some time with your spouse as if you were carrying on an affair: wear your finest, meet in a dark, corner booth in an out of the way restaurant, make out in the car. Consider it role-playing, fantasy, whatever\u2014it\u2019s okay because it\u2019s within the confines of your marriage, where it belongs.<\/p>\n

      The idea here it to light a spark of excitement back in your marriage by planning something with your spouse that you can both look forward to and have a good time doing it. Dating your spouse can give you that feel-good flush you\u2019ll remember from those early days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      If you really want to shake up your marriage and get it on the right track\u2014it\u2019s time to have an affair. Gasp, sputter\u2026\u00a0what? In this blog, I\u2019ll explain what I mean, so don\u2019t panic\u2026 In addition, I\u2019ll give you 3 tips for rebuilding your marriage, from the ground up if necessary. Please keep reading\u2026 Go…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":817,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61],"tags":[16,73,76,91,82,85],"class_list":["post-811","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","tag-communication","tag-emotions","tag-fall-in-love","tag-rebuilding-romance","tag-save-your-marriage","tag-surviving-an-affair"],"yoast_head":"\nCheating: For the Good of Your Marriage? - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/03\/cheating-for-the-good-of-your-marriage.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Cheating: For the Good of Your Marriage? - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you really want to shake up your marriage and get it on the right track\u2014it\u2019s time to have an affair. Gasp, sputter\u2026\u00a0what? In this blog, I\u2019ll explain what I mean, so don\u2019t panic\u2026 In addition, I\u2019ll give you 3 tips for rebuilding your marriage, from the ground up if necessary. Please keep reading\u2026 Go…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/03\/cheating-for-the-good-of-your-marriage.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-03-02T16:34:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/411\/2020\/03\/man-4144071_1920.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"768\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"510\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Alex Wise\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Cheating: For the Good of Your Marriage? - Make Your Relationship Work","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/03\/cheating-for-the-good-of-your-marriage.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Cheating: For the Good of Your Marriage? - Make Your Relationship Work","og_description":"If you really want to shake up your marriage and get it on the right track\u2014it\u2019s time to have an affair. Gasp, sputter\u2026\u00a0what? In this blog, I\u2019ll explain what I mean, so don\u2019t panic\u2026 In addition, I\u2019ll give you 3 tips for rebuilding your marriage, from the ground up if necessary. 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