{"id":652,"date":"2019-10-31T13:05:00","date_gmt":"2019-10-31T13:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=652"},"modified":"2019-10-31T13:05:00","modified_gmt":"2019-10-31T13:05:00","slug":"guidelines-creating-code-transparency-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/10\/guidelines-creating-code-transparency-marriage.html","title":{"rendered":"Guidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"adult-architecture-buildings-1837732\"The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don\u2019t know how to find a way to trust your partner again.<\/p>\n

But if you don\u2019t\u2014you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. You\u2019re in a stalemate: you don\u2019t trust your spouse, and your spouse doesn\u2019t know how to make you believe what they\u2019re saying, and you keep waiting to know<\/em> that your spouse is being honest with you.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s where your attempts to save your marriage may be faltering: what you\u2019re focusing on. Read on to learn the basic guidelines for rebuilding trust\u2014by establishing a Code of Transparency.<\/p>\n

Marriage Communication Built on Actions<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re waiting to \u201cknow\u201d that your spouse is being honest, you\u2019re relying on a feeling. Right now, your emotions are in a tailspin, so you don\u2019t know if those feelings are an accurate gauge or not. Also, waiting to \u201cknow\u201d isn\u2019t effective if no specific actions are being taken to help rebuild the trust.<\/p>\n

It is impossible to have an intimate, trusting marriage when your spouse lies to you. If the lies don\u2019t stop, your marriage won\u2019t survive.<\/p>\n

Lying is a betrayal, and it is also one person\u2019s way to avoid deeper, more meaningful communication. You, as the victim, have no doubt built a wall to protect yourself from more lying on the part of your spouse.<\/p>\n

This makes for an unhealthy marriage, which requires open communication and each spouse sharing freely with one another to characterize it as \u201chealthy.\u201d In trying to save your marriage<\/a>, you know it\u2019s in an unhealthy state\u2014but you also may struggle in turning it around again because of where you\u2019re focusing your attention: for some gut feeling to tell you that honesty has returned without any specific actions to back it up.<\/p>\n

There are actions that both you and your spouse can take to rebuild this foundation of trust in your marriage. This can be done through development of a Code of Transparency.<\/p>\n

Creating a Code of Transparency in Your Marriage<\/h2>\n

Transparency is more comprehensive than honesty. It can demonstrate<\/em> honesty. The most important thing the cheater can do to rebuild trust is to be consistently transparent about their actions and activities. It must be an obvious change from prior behavior.<\/p>\n

As the victim of the affair, you won\u2019t \u201cknow\u201d if your spouse is still lying to you or not, or if their efforts of transparency are just for show. But if both you and your spouse work at it, you have a much better chance of rebuilding trust between you if you consistently practice a Code of Transparency. If you\u2019ve been cheated on and have shut down communication<\/a>, this is a method for getting past the wall you\u2019ve built. Both spouses, by practicing transparency, are making steps toward the middle ground\u2014where you have the ability to repair your marriage.<\/p>\n

Here are steps to help you and your spouse create the Code of Transparency in your marriage and build a framework for it to work:<\/p>\n

Step 1: Establish the Code of Transparency<\/strong><\/p>\n

The hallmark of a transparent relationship is an open and free exchange of information. This means you want to share information with your spouse about you, your activities, what you do during your daily life, and what your plans are for the future. Information is offered before it is asked for, and doing so in a way that doesn\u2019t make it seem as though you are being forced to do so.<\/p>\n

Your first step is to make it a code between you to freely offer up information.<\/p>\n

Step 2: Practice the Code of Transparency<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say you have made a plan at work to stop out for happy hour. According to the Code of Transparency, you will call your spouse and give a full account of your plans without overdoing it. If your spouse has further questions, such as who will be attending, you should be willing to share whatever is asked for. The motto should be, \u201cNothing to hide.\u201d<\/p>\n

Step 3: Know what the Code of Transparency Isn\u2019t<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Most adults don\u2019t like to ask permission for what they do. And, most spouses don\u2019t want to \u201cparent\u201d their spouse. Understand that a code of transparency does not mean either spouse has to play, \u201cMother, may I?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Code of Transparency is a matter of respect. You\u2019re married, and what you do or don\u2019t do affects your spouse. Maybe he had a nice dinner planned for you. Maybe she needed to run out to the store and was counting on you being home for the kids. By sharing your plans, you show respect for your spouse in that you understand they have a life, too.<\/p>\n

By following these basic guidelines for establishing a Code of Transparency, your lines of communication will be unencumbered by attempts to hide or manipulate information. You\u2019re just stating facts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don\u2019t know how to find a way to trust your partner again. But if you don\u2019t\u2014you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. You\u2019re in a stalemate: you don\u2019t trust your spouse, and your spouse…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nGuidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/10\/guidelines-creating-code-transparency-marriage.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Guidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don\u2019t know how to find a way to trust your partner again. But if you don\u2019t\u2014you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. You\u2019re in a stalemate: you don\u2019t trust your spouse, and your spouse…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/10\/guidelines-creating-code-transparency-marriage.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-10-31T13:05:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/10\/adult-architecture-buildings-1837732-225x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Alex Wise\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Guidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage - Make Your Relationship Work","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/10\/guidelines-creating-code-transparency-marriage.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Guidelines for Creating a Code of Transparency in your Marriage - Make Your Relationship Work","og_description":"The trust you had in your spouse has been ruptured. You want to save your marriage, yet, you don\u2019t know how to find a way to trust your partner again. But if you don\u2019t\u2014you realize that will mean the end of your marriage. 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I\u2019m Alex. I\u2019m just a normal guy like any other guy. But what makes me different, is what makes you want to keep your eye out for my blog. I\u2019ve been studying social dynamics and personal development for the last 15 years. I\u2019ve helped men in meeting women. I\u2019ve helped men reaching their goals in life and I\u2019ve helped myself develop the lifestyle that I want. You can learn all that and draw from my experience through my blog. Why should you read this blog? The goal is simply giving you the tools and knowledge in how you can change your life and create the lifestyle that you want. Do you want to improve your dating life? Do you have goals you don\u2019t know how to reach? Do you feel that your life is boring and feel stuck? I will share my years of experience and knowledge in exactly those areas. Areas in the past which I had trouble with too. However I\u2019ve found the key to solving those problems and I\u2019m sharing it all here, so you don\u2019t have to go through years of trial and error like me. What is lifestyle development? Lifestyle development deals with every area of your life whether it\u2019s being relationships, finances, health or personal growth. The blog\u2019s aim is to help you create the amazing lifestyle that you want. Through my blog you will be able to follow my experiences and lessons. Articles and videos aimed to educate and motivate you into taking the necessary steps in getting the life you deserve. 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