{"id":488,"date":"2019-06-13T11:57:17","date_gmt":"2019-06-13T11:57:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=488"},"modified":"2019-06-13T11:58:42","modified_gmt":"2019-06-13T11:58:42","slug":"apologize-like-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/06\/apologize-like-man.html","title":{"rendered":"Apologize Like a Man"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"toa-heftiba-616931-unsplash\"<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the thing about apologizing like a man \u2013 you can\u2019t actually apologize like a man, you have to apologize like a\u00a0woman.<\/p>\n

The way men and women view apologizing is totally different, and the way men view it is, frankly, pretty antiquated.\u00a0Writes Sam Margulies on\u00a0Psychology<\/em>\u00a0blog<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss of face. Scholars of gender communication have observed that for men, verbal communication is tied up with their concern for the way their status is perceived by others. Men are more conscious of the impact of what they say on how others perceive their power position or lack of power. So for a man to acknowledge that he has done something wrong often means that he feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology.<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That makes sense, right fellas?\u00a0Another, less wordy way to say it is that men are too proud to apologize.\u00a0But as soon as you realize that you\u2019re not losing face, but rather, you\u2019re establishing yourself as a confident and socially graceful man, apologizing like a\u00a0man<\/span>\u00a0woman, makes it a whole lot easier to apologize like a man.<\/p>\n

Acknowledge the wrongful act<\/h3>\n

You have to actually say to her, \u201cI was wrong,\u201d before you do anything else.\u00a0You can\u2019t dance around it or say that you didn\u2019t know something was wrong so you can\u2019t take responsibility.\u00a0Say you were wrong, and move on.\u00a0She will.\u00a0Remember, this is how women heal relationships, not how they jockey for power.<\/p>\n

Acknowledge you hurt her feelings<\/h3>\n

At this point, you\u2019re connecting yourself to the wrongful act.\u00a0Something bad happened, it hurt her feelings, and it was your fault. You\u2019re the\u00a0jerk. The thing to avoid is saying, \u201cSorry you\u2019re feelings were hurt,\u201d as opposed to the active, \u201cSorry I hurt your feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n

Express remorse<\/h3>\n

Now, you\u2019re doing the actual apologizing.\u00a0You need, here, to say something more about how the event made you feel.\u00a0You already said you\u2019re sorry you hurt her feelings, but so what?\u00a0Tell her how it makes you feel to know you hurt her (hint: you feel terrible).<\/p>\n

Vow to not repeat offend<\/h3>\n

Now that we\u2019ve established that something bad happened and it made everybody involved feel bad, make a vow to not ever repeat said actions.\u00a0This should be a fairly intuitive act, but you might want to take a page from the office playbook and decide on specific \u2018next steps.\u2019\u00a0Say something you\u2019re specifically going to do, and ask something specific from her to avoid the situation in the future.<\/p>\n

Make amends<\/h3>\n

This one is easy because it\u2019s mostly on her.\u00a0Just ask: \u201cWhat do you want me to do to make this up to you.\u201d\u00a0Either she\u2019ll say nothing, or she\u2019ll say something relatively trivial.\u00a0If you\u2019ve been fair and understanding up to this point (you have if you\u2019ve been following our advice), then so shall she be.<\/p>\n

Seek forgiveness<\/h3>\n

The event has been acknowledged, penance has been paid, and now it\u2019s time to move on.\u00a0Here, ask her to straight-up for forgiveness.\u00a0If\/when she acknowledges that she formally forgives you, you should both feel noticeable relief, and you\u2019ll be able to more forward amicably (probably to make-up sex).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s the thing about apologizing like a man \u2013 you can\u2019t actually apologize like a man, you have to apologize like a\u00a0woman. The way men and women view apologizing is totally different, and the way men view it is, frankly, pretty antiquated.\u00a0Writes Sam Margulies on\u00a0Psychology\u00a0blog: Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nApologize Like a Man - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Apologize Like a Man - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here\u2019s the thing about apologizing like a man \u2013 you can\u2019t actually apologize like a man, you have to apologize like a\u00a0woman. The way men and women view apologizing is totally different, and the way men view it is, frankly, pretty antiquated.\u00a0Writes Sam Margulies on\u00a0Psychology\u00a0blog: Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/06\/apologize-like-man.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-06-13T11:57:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-06-13T11:58:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/06\/toa-heftiba-616931-unsplash-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Alex Wise\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Apologize Like a Man - Make Your Relationship Work","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Apologize Like a Man - Make Your Relationship Work","og_description":"Here\u2019s the thing about apologizing like a man \u2013 you can\u2019t actually apologize like a man, you have to apologize like a\u00a0woman. 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I\u2019m Alex. I\u2019m just a normal guy like any other guy. But what makes me different, is what makes you want to keep your eye out for my blog. I\u2019ve been studying social dynamics and personal development for the last 15 years. I\u2019ve helped men in meeting women. I\u2019ve helped men reaching their goals in life and I\u2019ve helped myself develop the lifestyle that I want. You can learn all that and draw from my experience through my blog. Why should you read this blog? The goal is simply giving you the tools and knowledge in how you can change your life and create the lifestyle that you want. Do you want to improve your dating life? Do you have goals you don\u2019t know how to reach? Do you feel that your life is boring and feel stuck? I will share my years of experience and knowledge in exactly those areas. Areas in the past which I had trouble with too. However I\u2019ve found the key to solving those problems and I\u2019m sharing it all here, so you don\u2019t have to go through years of trial and error like me. What is lifestyle development? Lifestyle development deals with every area of your life whether it\u2019s being relationships, finances, health or personal growth. The blog\u2019s aim is to help you create the amazing lifestyle that you want. Through my blog you will be able to follow my experiences and lessons. Articles and videos aimed to educate and motivate you into taking the necessary steps in getting the life you deserve. I am also a freelance editor and writer for Loveawake.com dating site.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/author\/awise"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/620"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=488"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":492,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/488\/revisions\/492"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}