{"id":459,"date":"2019-05-27T17:11:28","date_gmt":"2019-05-27T17:11:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=459"},"modified":"2019-05-27T17:13:59","modified_gmt":"2019-05-27T17:13:59","slug":"thought-really-want-date","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html","title":{"rendered":"Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-460 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/411\/2019\/05\/blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555\" width=\"548\" height=\"365\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Do you know what you\u2019re looking for in a partner? This question is just as important for the seasoned dater as it is for the newest single among us. Sure, maybe at this point you want a broad range of search options. Maybe you think it doesn\u2019t matter if he\u2019s a Plumber\u2019s assistant, even though you\u2019ve got a law degree. It\u2019s all about your desired goals and outcomes.<\/p>\n<h4>Ouch.<\/h4>\n<p>That sounds so\u2026. business like. And it is. This is serious business. Don\u2019t start looking for a man or a woman if you don\u2019t know what you want. Why? Because you\u2019ll be sitting in your car waiting for him outside of a Long John Silver\u2019s thinking to yourself, \u201cWhat the hell am I doing here?\u201d I promise.<\/p>\n<h4>Dear Diva, Do I Really Need To Have An Image Of My Next Date Or Future Partner?<\/h4>\n<p>Every person who uses online dating or other means to find date has a goal in mind, conscious or unconscious. It may not be completely formed but you have an idea of what you want.<\/p>\n<p>Vague-I want to go out to dinner and a movie occasionally.<\/p>\n<p>Specific &#8211; I want a man, 6\u20192\u2033 tall, with dyed black hair who will help me with yard work.<\/p>\n<p>More specific-I just want to get laid Saturday night.<\/p>\n<p>When you know what you want you can begin to narrow the search. And, you can start to figure out what likes and dislikes, work experience, physical capabilities, etc\u2026to look for. Me? I don\u2019t want to have an intimate relationship with a man who dyes his hair; but, I might let him help me with the weeding.<\/p>\n<p>For example: If you want a man who enjoys yard work maybe you should start frequenting local garden centers, horticultural events, flower shows or walking trails.\u00a0 There\u2019s no point in contacting the guy who states on his profile that he hates doing yard work because of his severe allergies. Right?<\/p>\n<p>Since I typically prefer well-prepared, gourmet meals I should never have agreed to a date with a man whose idea of good food is Long John Silver\u2019s!<\/p>\n<p>These may be slightly exaggerated examples. But, my point is that you should start to craft an image of the person you see yourself dating. It can be a useful exercise in clarifying what kind of partner you want and assessing the things that really matter to you in a relationship.<\/p>\n<h3>Does It Matter If-<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>He hates eating out and you want to explore new restaurants?<\/li>\n<li>He\/She can\u2019t stand being around children? You have grandchildren you adore.<\/li>\n<li>You date someone who thinks it\u2019s OK to cheat on his or her partner as long as no one knows?<\/li>\n<li>Your date is significantly shorter than you?<\/li>\n<li>Your date is from a foreign country?<\/li>\n<li>You live and breathe Nascar but your date thinks it\u2019s a Redneck Thing?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>How Will You Know If You Haven\u2019t Taken The Time To Do A Little Thinking About What Matters To You?<\/p>\n<p>This isn\u2019t rocket science. Get out a sheet of paper, now, and start writing. A column for What I Want and one called DealBreakers- and start making your lists. It\u2019s only an exercise. I bet that you\u2019ll find the very act of thinking about this will give you a little insight into your dating preferences.<\/p>\n<h3>Now What?<\/h3>\n<p>If you\u2019re using one of the online dating sites to look for a date\/partner you can use your list in a couple of ways. You can modify your searches to exclude certain factors. For example, if smoking is a dealbreaker for you then check the box that eliminates smokers.\u00a0<strong>Oh, wait,<\/strong>\u00a0you think you can help him stop if he\u2019s good looking enough? Ha! (this is a whole different topic to be visited soon).<\/p>\n<h3>Honor Your Dreams And Wishes.<\/h3>\n<p>As you read through profiles tune in to the qualities you want in your ideal partner. If you\u2019ve decided you want to find a friend for dining out and movies, you can see what kinds of food preferences he has. \u201cAll-American burger and fries\u201d or \u201cLove ethnic food\u201d? You can begin to narrow down the list of guys you find interesting based on your stated preferences.<\/p>\n<p>By no means am I telling you to ignore the successful doctor with a great physique and 10 photos of his house, his boat and his gorgeous dogs\u2013if you want to give it a shot. It may not matter that he\u2019s been divorced twice, smokes and only eats artificially colored hot dogs.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>Choices, Baby. Choices.<\/strong><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you know what you\u2019re looking for in a partner? This question is just as important for the seasoned dater as it is for the newest single among us. Sure, maybe at this point you want a broad range of search options. Maybe you think it doesn\u2019t matter if he\u2019s a Plumber\u2019s assistant, even though&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-459","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date? - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date? - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you know what you\u2019re looking for in a partner? This question is just as important for the seasoned dater as it is for the newest single among us. Sure, maybe at this point you want a broad range of search options. Maybe you think it doesn\u2019t matter if he\u2019s a Plumber\u2019s assistant, even though&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-05-27T17:11:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-05-27T17:13:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/05\/blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Alex Wise\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date? - Make Your Relationship Work","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date? - Make Your Relationship Work","og_description":"Do you know what you\u2019re looking for in a partner? This question is just as important for the seasoned dater as it is for the newest single among us. Sure, maybe at this point you want a broad range of search options. Maybe you think it doesn\u2019t matter if he\u2019s a Plumber\u2019s assistant, even though&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html","og_site_name":"Make Your Relationship Work","article_published_time":"2019-05-27T17:11:28+00:00","article_modified_time":"2019-05-27T17:13:59+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/05\/blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Alex Wise","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html","name":"Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date? - Make Your Relationship Work","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/05\/blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2019-05-27T17:11:28+00:00","dateModified":"2019-05-27T17:13:59+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/#\/schema\/person\/bb1a6f316ea30c450e6f03a651e64888"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/05\/blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/files\/2019\/05\/blur-businesswoman-caucasian-941555-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/thought-really-want-date.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Have You Thought About Who You Really Want To Date?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/","name":"Make Your Relationship Work","description":"Relationship Improvement, Lifestyle Development, Personal Growth","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/#\/schema\/person\/bb1a6f316ea30c450e6f03a651e64888","name":"Alex Wise","description":"Welcome to my blog. I\u2019m Alex. I\u2019m just a normal guy like any other guy. But what makes me different, is what makes you want to keep your eye out for my blog. I\u2019ve been studying social dynamics and personal development for the last 15 years. I\u2019ve helped men in meeting women. I\u2019ve helped men reaching their goals in life and I\u2019ve helped myself develop the lifestyle that I want. You can learn all that and draw from my experience through my blog. Why should you read this blog? The goal is simply giving you the tools and knowledge in how you can change your life and create the lifestyle that you want. Do you want to improve your dating life? Do you have goals you don\u2019t know how to reach? Do you feel that your life is boring and feel stuck? I will share my years of experience and knowledge in exactly those areas. Areas in the past which I had trouble with too. However I\u2019ve found the key to solving those problems and I\u2019m sharing it all here, so you don\u2019t have to go through years of trial and error like me. What is lifestyle development? Lifestyle development deals with every area of your life whether it\u2019s being relationships, finances, health or personal growth. The blog\u2019s aim is to help you create the amazing lifestyle that you want. Through my blog you will be able to follow my experiences and lessons. Articles and videos aimed to educate and motivate you into taking the necessary steps in getting the life you deserve. I am also a freelance editor and writer for Loveawake.com dating site.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/author\/awise"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/459","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/620"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=459"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/459\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":463,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/459\/revisions\/463"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=459"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=459"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=459"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}