{"id":450,"date":"2019-05-17T12:03:58","date_gmt":"2019-05-17T12:03:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=450"},"modified":"2019-05-17T12:03:58","modified_gmt":"2019-05-17T12:03:58","slug":"stalk-dirty-let-youve-followed-online","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2019\/05\/stalk-dirty-let-youve-followed-online.html","title":{"rendered":"Stalk Dirty to Me: When to Let on That You\u2019ve Followed Her Online"},"content":{"rendered":"

With everyone plugged in to Facebook and Buzz, blogging and Tweeting and updating their BBM statuses, it\u2019s pretty difficult to avoid finding out what your crush is up to. But there\u2019s a fine line between curious and creepy. So \u2026\u00a0how should you reveal your stalking to members of the opposite sex?<\/strong><\/p>\n

A lot of people choose to pretend they don\u2019t stalk on Facebook. And maybe they don\u2019t. But pretty much every guy and girl I know stalks the crap out of every guy and girl in their lives, especially someone who they think of banging\/have ever banged\/almost banged\/know they are going to bang soon. And that\u2019s fine. Since we all do it, why not just admit it?<\/p>\n

Because the thing is,\u00a0Facebook and Twitter do the stalking for you these days<\/strong>. Just log in and you\u2019re going to see what someone has been up to. Fine, perhaps you don\u2019t see it on her status (\u201cShannon is GOING TO THE BAR TONIGHT!\u201d) and you avoided seeing it in her photos (a new album called \u201cMY NIGHT AT THE BAR!\u201d) and you missed it on her Wall (five new posts saying, \u201cOMG it was SO GREAT seeing you at the bar last night!\u201d) and sure, maybe you didn\u2019t see her Tweet, \u201cI LOVE GOING To THE BAR!\u201d \u2026 sure, it\u2019s possible. But on Monday when you ask her what she did over the weekend, she\u2019s going to think you\u2019re either not into her, or you\u2019re full of BS.<\/p>\n

But I kind of can\u2019t blame you. If you say, \u201cSo how was the bar this weekend?\u201d and you\u2019re not someone she\u2019s thinking of banging\/have ever banged\/almost banged\/wants to bang soon \u2026 she\u2019s going to think you\u2019re the biggest creeper on the planet.<\/p>\n

Some guidelines for what it\u2019s appropriate to reveal:<\/p>\n

Admit to stalking your friends and your \u201cfriends.\u201d<\/h3>\n
    \n
  • If you are comfortable calling or texting a guy, it\u2019s OK to admit to looking at his tagged photos.<\/li>\n
  • DON\u2019T admit to stalking someone whose phone number you don\u2019t even have. And on that note, DON\u2019T pull phone numbers off of Facebook without permission. Yes, it\u2019s out there, but a simple, \u201cHey, is it cool if I call you this weekend?\u201d \u2014 either in person or via Facebook message \u2014 is pretty much required.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Check yourself.<\/h3>\n

    If you say you saw it on Facebook, but really you saw it on Twitter, she\u2019s going to know you\u2019re stalking her from all angles.<\/p>\n

      \n
    • DO accept that everyone uses Facebook a lot.<\/li>\n
    • DON\u2019T pretend you didn\u2019t glean your information from it. If she says she went to a party dressed as Wonder Woman and you respond, \u201cOh, yeah! I \u2026 think I heard that \u2026 somewhere \u2026\u201d she\u2019s going to wonder why you don\u2019t just fess up.<\/li>\n
    • DO come off as less weird\/creepy by just admitting you are a little bit weird\/creepy. She says: \u201cSo I was walked home by the cops wearing a Wonder Woman costume\u2026\u201d You say: \u201cOhh. Yeah, don\u2019t think this is creepy but I saw pictures of that on Mini-Feed.\u201d Easy-peasy!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Get caught.<\/h3>\n

      Let her catch you stalking her from time to time if you really like her. If she is already into you \u2014 we\u2019re talking third date here \u2014 and she says, \u201cOh I had such a great time at the beach last weekend, I can\u2019t wait to go back,\u201d and you say, \u201cYeah, your pictures made it look like a total blast! Do you go there often?\u201d she\u2019ll be flattered and she\u2019ll blush \u2014 and when girls are flattered and blushing, people get laid. If she\u2019s not into you, she\u2019ll still be pleased that you caught something important to her.<\/p>\n

      Stalk her fan pages<\/h3>\n

      If someone is a fan of, \u201cI hate when people send texts that just say \u2018k\u2019\u201d\u2026 don\u2019t send her a text that just says \u201ck\u201d! Then she\u2019ll just think you don\u2019t care. But DON\u2019T go out of your way to reference obscure things that you read she\u2019s into. Some people just accept everything Facebook suggests or don\u2019t update their hobbies very often.<\/p>\n

      When you\u2019re the stalkee:<\/h3>\n
        \n
      • DO make her feel more comfortable about stalking you by assuming she already has. (Because \u2026 she has.) If you\u2019re chatting with her about your awesome vacation and you just uploaded 300 pics, just say, \u201cDid you see the pictures of us white water rafting?\u201d Then she knows you\u2019re cool with a little creeping.<\/li>\n
      • DON\u2019T retell a story that\u2019s been all over Facebook and Twitter without a disclaimer. \u201cYeah, you may have seen it on Facebook, but I got a new job!\u201d Again, this just assumes that everyone is stalking and says it\u2019s OK. If your whole life is on the internet, then try not to go into major detail over something the other person already probably read about in great detail on your blog.<\/li>\n
      • DO feel OK with not accepting a second date because someone\u2019s been all up on your Mini-Feed with Farmville updates. Yeah, we\u2019re sure finding pumpkins and selling virtual goats is fun, but sometimes stalking leads to judging, and certain updates are deal breakers.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Ultimately, most people log into Facebook and Twitter a lot and stalk without even trying; those people are going to be really flattered when they hear the person they are into was stalking them back. There\u2019s a fine line between good stalking and creepy stalking, but if you can perfect this, your next status update is going to say, \u201cShannon is now In a Relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

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        With everyone plugged in to Facebook and Buzz, blogging and Tweeting and updating their BBM statuses, it\u2019s pretty difficult to avoid finding out what your crush is up to. But there\u2019s a fine line between curious and creepy. So \u2026\u00a0how should you reveal your stalking to members of the opposite sex? 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