{"id":1941,"date":"2021-10-29T15:36:18","date_gmt":"2021-10-29T15:36:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=1941"},"modified":"2021-10-29T15:37:21","modified_gmt":"2021-10-29T15:37:21","slug":"how-to-be-the-center-of-any-group-and-get-more-dates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2021\/10\/how-to-be-the-center-of-any-group-and-get-more-dates.html","title":{"rendered":"How To Be The Center of any Group and Get more Dates"},"content":{"rendered":"

By projecting the right energy, you can make a great impression. Here’s how even the shyest guy can come across as a positive, exciting party animal and get more dates.<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Some men seem to do this naturally \u2013 they\u2019re always smiling, they control the conversation, they spur people into action. These men bring an infectious energy to a group. When they meet women, their positive energy is engaging and exciting. It\u2019s not surprising that they get more dates \u2013 their energy actually acts as a magnet: women come to\u00a0them.\u00a0<\/em>If you\u2019re more of a wallflower than a dynamo, don\u2019t worry: just like the techniques of\u00a0using compliments<\/a>\u00a0and adding value to a conversation, projecting positive energy is an easily learnable skill. How\u2019s how to do it:<\/p>\n

Have Positive Expectations<\/h3>\n

Many men are scared of talking to women \u2013 or just talking with a group of strangers. But if you don\u2019t want to be in the conversation, the other people in the group will pick up on it. If it\u2019s just you and a woman, she\u2019ll pick up on it even faster. At best, she\u2019ll think you\u2019re shy. At worst, she\u2019ll think she\u2019s the problem and become uncomfortable herself. It\u2019s not uncommon for a shy man to feel so uneasy at being in a one-on-one conversation (especially with an attractive woman) that he actually gives the opposite impression \u2013 the woman thinks he\u2019s trying to make a quick exit. It\u2019s essential to go into every conversation with positive expectations. If you believe that it\u2019s going to be fun, it will be.<\/p>\n

Control the Topic and Pace<\/h3>\n

Conversations between strangers can quickly drift off into dead-ends. You need to play two roles \u2013 participant and facilitator \u2013 in order to project positive energy. Talk, but check that no one person is dominating too much and look to see who isn\u2019t getting a turn. If someone\u2019s eyes are glazing over because the current subject bores them, see what you can do to bring them back into the conversation \u2013 if you can\u2019t easily change the subject then at least engage them. If the woman you\u2019re interested in is the one who\u2019s being excluded and you can bring her back in, you\u2019ve just created one of the best openings. You\u2019ll be her hero, if only for a few seconds.<\/p>\n

Build Up, Don\u2019t Shut Down<\/h3>\n

Sometimes a great topic or idea will surface for a second, only to be lost as someone misunderstands, the person suggesting it stumbles (or gets nervous) or someone (maybe even you) inadvertently shuts it down. Letting this happen isn\u2019t the way to project positive energy<\/a> or get dates. This is how a conversation dies:<\/p>\n

Kirsten: This band sucks. I was at this place last night and they had an\u00a0amazing\u00a0<\/em>band.<\/p>\n

You: (Wanting to agree with her) Um\u2026 Yeah, they do suck<\/p>\n

Kirsten: (Awkward silence)<\/p>\n

This is how a conversation builds:<\/p>\n

Kirsten: This band sucks. I was at this place last night and they had an\u00a0amazing\u00a0<\/em>band.<\/p>\n

You: Really? What were they called?<\/p>\n

Never<\/em>\u00a0shut down \u2013 let the conversation flow. This doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t also control the topic \u2013 in the example above, you could have asked Kirsten where the place was, if she went out much or if she was a local.<\/p>\n

Have an Adventure<\/h3>\n

Surprise and spontaneity are always great ways to generate energy. Everyone likes to have an adventure \u2013 it gives them a great story to tell the next day. It also gives the night an \u2018anything can happen\u2019 feel. Go on a mission to make the DJ change the music. Agree to pretend it\u2019s your birthday or that you just got engaged so you get free drinks. Let\u2019s take one more look at that conversation with Kirsten:<\/p>\n

Kirsten: This band sucks. I was at this place last night and they had an\u00a0amazing\u00a0<\/em>band.<\/p>\n

You: Let\u2019s go there.<\/p>\n

Kirsten: What, right now?<\/p>\n

You: Sure, why not?<\/p>\n

Perfect!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By projecting the right energy, you can make a great impression. Here’s how even the shyest guy can come across as a positive, exciting party animal and get more dates. Some men seem to do this naturally \u2013 they\u2019re always smiling, they control the conversation, they spur people into action. These men bring an infectious…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":1950,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[132],"tags":[16,231,234],"class_list":["post-1941","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-self-improvement","tag-communication","tag-conversation","tag-positive-expectations"],"yoast_head":"\nHow To Be The Center of any Group and Get more Dates - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Be The Center of any Group and Get more Dates - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By projecting the right energy, you can make a great impression. Here’s how even the shyest guy can come across as a positive, exciting party animal and get more dates. Some men seem to do this naturally \u2013 they\u2019re always smiling, they control the conversation, they spur people into action. 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