{"id":1367,"date":"2021-01-05T13:26:13","date_gmt":"2021-01-05T13:26:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=1367"},"modified":"2021-01-05T13:26:13","modified_gmt":"2021-01-05T13:26:13","slug":"why-mens-depression-is-still-a-dirty-secret","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2021\/01\/why-mens-depression-is-still-a-dirty-secret.html","title":{"rendered":"Why Men\u2019s Depression Is Still a Dirty Secret"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Men are taught not to be overly emotional. It\u2019s as much in pop culture as it is in community. We are conditioned with words like \u201ctough\u201d and \u201cstrong\u201d and \u201cbrave.\u201d There is a sense that you should be able to handle anything and everything that comes your way.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s also a sense that it\u2019s not always okay to be honest, and it definitely isn\u2019t okay to talk about how you feel.\u00a0Feelings and emotions and vulnerability and words like them feel heavy and gross to most guys. We don\u2019t want to touch them.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t really a conversation about \u201cmental health issues\u201d or \u201cdepression\u201d. It\u2019s just a conversation about pain. How we relate to it. How we react to it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yet, they exist. And some of those feelings and some of those emotions absolutely need to be talked about. They deserve to be talked about.<\/p>\n

But we don\u2019t talk about them. We hide them.\u00a0I think it\u2019s because we feel a sense of shame around them.\u00a0We feel ashamed that we hurt. We feel ashamed that we have questions. We feel ashamed that we aren\u2019t perfect or maybe we\u2019re feeling depressed<\/a>.\u00a0We think we should be tougher or stronger or immune from hurting.<\/p>\n

And so when we do hurt, we decide to hide instead of ask for help.\u00a0We isolate ourselves. We close our lips and close our lives and don\u2019t let people in.\u00a0We lie about how we\u2019re feeling, and we hold back from talking to a friend or seeing a counselor because we believe that it might make us weak, inferior to the next guy.<\/p>\n

A lot of this stuff comes down to opting out of honesty, help and healing in favor of staying comfortable. We\u2019re so afraid of a moment being awkward, weird or too vulnerable that we run away from conversations and people we need.<\/p>\n

Male culture is tricky that way. We\u2019re told to be strong, and we\u2019re taught that most of our strength is derived from never showing weakness.<\/p>\n

And I think that\u2019s an impossibly unhealthy way to live your life.<\/p>\n

Guys have a hard time talking about topics like mental health and suicide. But because we don\u2019t talk about it right now, we\u2019re losing way too many lives to suicide. In fact, according to Heartlandmedical.com<\/a>\u00a0 more than half of suicides worldwide are adult men between age 25 and 45. That\u2019s more than half a million men every single year who are taking their own lives.<\/p>\n

Words like \u201cdepression\u201d and \u201caddiction\u201d and \u201cself-injury\u201d have become labels for issues that are difficult to put a proper dialogue around.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So I think there\u2019s too much at stake not to have a conversation because it might be awkward or uncomfortable.\u00a0Because I think life is worthy of a conversation. I think hope is worthy of a conversation. I think finding help is worthy of a conversation.<\/p>\n

And I think staying alive is something we all should be passionate about. As a writer, I spend a lot of time (most frustrated) tinkering with words. Although words have the opportunity to show love and show humanity and help heal, they can also be dangerous. And I think words can become especially dangerous when they\u2019re acting as labels. On some level, words like \u201cdepression\u201d and \u201caddiction\u201d and \u201cself-injury\u201d have become labels\u00a0for issues and problems that are difficult to put the proper language or dialogue around.<\/p>\n

But when we can look past those labels, and those things that keep us on the outside looking in, we see that this isn\u2019t really a conversation about \u201cmental health issues\u201d or \u201cdepression\u201d. It\u2019s just a conversation about pain. How we relate to our pain. How we react to our pain. How we choose to cope and how we are able to deal with our questions and our struggles.<\/p>\n

I think shame is something we learn. We\u2019re taught when to feel it, then we keep giving our consent to it over and over and over again based upon what we were once taught. I think shame is something that we should stop giving our consent to when it comes to these topics.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think mental health in men<\/a> is something anyone needs to feel weird about. I think it\u2019s okay to be honest. I think it\u2019s okay to ask questions. It\u2019s quite important that we do.<\/p>\n

Because \u00a0when we can take away taboos and we take a look at the truth, we see that suicide and mental health is a prevalent problem and we need to be okay with talking about that.<\/p>\n

And truthfully, I think that there might not be anything more tragic than someone deciding that their life isn\u2019t worth living.<\/p>\n

Because their life is worth living. Their story is worth living.<\/p>\n

Your story is worth living.<\/p>\n

So if you\u2019re reading this today and you know someone dealing with these issues\u2014or maybe you\u2019re dealing with these things yourself\u2014start with being honest. Start with being brave enough to ask for help. Start with freeing yourself of shame and secrets and silence.<\/p>\n

Because shame isn\u2019t just unhealthy and stifling. It also kills. Shame and secrecy and silence<\/a> and stigma all play a huge part in suicide.<\/p>\n

The good news is, we each have the power to help change that.\u00a0We can each speak out and shatter the silence, we can each play a part that could help in saving someone\u2019s life.\u00a0In a world obsessed with catchy pop songs, bad movies and which celebrity is going to twerk next, I think these things are worth talking about.<\/p>\n

I think they are worth mentioning.<\/p>\n

I think they matter.<\/p>\n

And I think if there is anyone who needs to be talking about these things the most right now, it\u2019s us guys.<\/p>\n

Hopefully, this can be a step in that direction.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Men are taught not to be overly emotional. It\u2019s as much in pop culture as it is in community. We are conditioned with words like \u201ctough\u201d and \u201cstrong\u201d and \u201cbrave.\u201d There is a sense that you should be able to handle anything and everything that comes your way. There\u2019s also a sense that it\u2019s not…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":620,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[158],"class_list":["post-1367","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-depression"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Men\u2019s Depression Is Still a Dirty Secret - Make Your Relationship Work<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why Men\u2019s Depression Is Still a Dirty Secret - Make Your Relationship Work\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Men are taught not to be overly emotional. It\u2019s as much in pop culture as it is in community. We are conditioned with words like \u201ctough\u201d and \u201cstrong\u201d and \u201cbrave.\u201d There is a sense that you should be able to handle anything and everything that comes your way. 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However I\u2019ve found the key to solving those problems and I\u2019m sharing it all here, so you don\u2019t have to go through years of trial and error like me. What is lifestyle development? Lifestyle development deals with every area of your life whether it\u2019s being relationships, finances, health or personal growth. The blog\u2019s aim is to help you create the amazing lifestyle that you want. Through my blog you will be able to follow my experiences and lessons. Articles and videos aimed to educate and motivate you into taking the necessary steps in getting the life you deserve. I am also a freelance editor and writer for Loveawake.com dating site.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/author\/awise"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/620"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1367"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1367\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1373,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1367\/revisions\/1373"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1367"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1367"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}