{"id":1278,"date":"2020-12-08T15:36:23","date_gmt":"2020-12-08T15:36:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/?p=1278"},"modified":"2020-12-08T15:36:23","modified_gmt":"2020-12-08T15:36:23","slug":"how-to-break-up-gracefully","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/makeyourrelationshipwork\/2020\/12\/how-to-break-up-gracefully.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Break Up Gracefully"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

I know that I\u2019m supposed to be in the business of teaching men how to meet the right woman, but I get asked how to break up a lot. For me, it\u2019s never been that hard. Like Nike says, just do it. Rip it off like a Band-Aid in one swipe, no matter how much it hurts.<\/p>\n

But hey, I get that it\u2019s harder for some guys than others. One of the things that I teach is that social skills are something men learn, not something they\u2019re born with. In the spirit of teaching you a new social skill or three, here\u2019s a handy guide to ending a relationship with class.<\/p>\n

Some guys think they can just fire off a Facebook message or text and be done with it. You might not much care what you\u2019re soon-to-be ex thinks, but news travels fast, and you don\u2019t want your headline to be \u201cWhat a d-bag!\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Make Sure You Want to Do It<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Redating is rarely ideal. You start out in the hole and have to dig your way out. So before you run off half-cocked and drop someone you\u2019re going to miss for the rest of your life, make sure you\u2019re ready. This sounds like common sense, but you know what they say about how common common sense is.<\/p>\n

Do It Face to Face<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In this world of instant communication, some guys think they can just fire off a Facebook message<\/a> or text and be done with it. But not only will you cause a reaction similar to the young lady in the photo at the top, but you\u2019ll hurt yourself. You might not much care what someone you\u2019re soon to be ex thinks, but news travels fast, and you don\u2019t want your headline to be \u201cWhat a d-bag!\u201d<\/p>\n

Do It In Public, But Not Too Public<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Breaking up in public prevents her from totally flipping out on you, at least in theory. Still, don\u2019t do it around friends, at a party or some place she frequents a lot. Instead, choose some kind of neutral location. Great place to make a break? The park. No kidding.<\/p>\n

Be Honest, But Not Too Honest<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You want to be straightforward with her about why you\u2019re breaking up<\/a> with her. You want to tell her the real reason that you decided to end things. But there\u2019s no need to be cruel in the name of \u201chonesty.\u201d Tell her the most critical, irreconcilable reason the two of you aren\u2019t going to be dating in the future. Leave out the unrelated pet peeves.<\/p>\n

Be Strong and Steadfast<\/strong><\/h2>\n

A lot of guys go back once the waterworks start flowing. Don\u2019t. Remember that women are more emotional creatures than men are, but they\u2019re also quite resilient. Don\u2019t flatter yourself\u2014this isn\u2019t the end of the world for her. She\u2019ll be in shock at first, but she\u2019ll get over it. Don\u2019t let her reaction make you change your mind. And don\u2019t freak out even if she does. You need to maintain composure at all times.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t Say \u201cIt\u2019s Not You, It\u2019s Me\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Just don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Briefly Reassure Her<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Let her know that she meant something to you and that you value the time that the two of you spent together. This is maybe the one place you can lie, a bit. That\u2019s much better than her feeling like total crap and you getting a jerk reputation.<\/p>\n

Just Do It<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re thinking about breaking up with your girlfriend enough to be reading this article, chances are good it\u2019s time. Stop waiting around and get to it. The longer you put it off, the more painful it\u2019s going to be. And nine times out of 10, you\u2019ll leave thinking you should have done it sooner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I know that I\u2019m supposed to be in the business of teaching men how to meet the right woman, but I get asked how to break up a lot. For me, it\u2019s never been that hard. Like Nike says, just do it. 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