{"id":551,"date":"2012-07-05T12:19:22","date_gmt":"2012-07-05T16:19:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/?p=551"},"modified":"2012-08-12T22:45:13","modified_gmt":"2012-08-13T02:45:13","slug":"the-real-world-importance-of-building-a-healthy-communication-space-with-your-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/07\/05\/the-real-world-importance-of-building-a-healthy-communication-space-with-your-child\/","title":{"rendered":"The Real World Importance of Building a Healthy Communication Space with Your Child"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Yesterday there was an article about kids watching Internet Porn (Rude awakening: Teaching our kids the abc\u2019s of XXX<\/a>). The article quoted a UK poll which found that \u201875% of teens said that their parents never discussed Internet Porn with them,\u2019 as well as cited a study from the University of Alberta which \u2018found that 90 percent of boys and 70 percent of girls in Grade 8 had accessed sexually explicit content at least once \u2014 more than a third of the boys said they had seen porn too many times to count.\u2019<\/p>\n

This morning I stumbled upon an article (A Mother, A Son, and a Six-Year Term For Teenage Sex<\/a>) about a new movement afoot in the US by parents to change the \u2018Sex Offender\u2019 laws. Too many boys are being labeled Sex Offenders for life because they have teenage sex with someone they believe they love. From the article I gleaned that there is no national registry, but Texas reports 4519 youth sex offenders, Michigan 1341, and Wisconsin 1687, and that through the work of parents like Francine Baldino, featured in the article, Romeo and Juliet Laws are beginning to pop-up which treat sex between minors differently.<\/p>\n

Put the statistics about kids and internet porn together with teenagers being convicted of statutory rape and it makes me consider becoming a Luddite and keeping Caidin locked in the house until he\u2019s 21. Although I\u2019m sure there would be a host of other problems created by that approach. So I return to one of my core beliefs, creating a healthy communication space with our children is so important in Conscious Parenting. Discussions about the body, about sex, about society, about laws and rules and regulations don\u2019t start when our kids hit puberty. They start early on with our children\u2019s healthy questions about their own bodies and ours and about the world they live in.<\/p>\n

Our answers must be honest and provide insight and information. If we are embarrassed to discuss things or we shut our children down, our children will pick up on that and they won\u2019t return with further questions. There isn\u2019t a question Caidin asks that I won\u2019t answer. Some are not easy, but if he\u2019s hearing it somewhere \u2013 say by chance on television as we are flipping through the channels or a news report comes on (\u2018Mom, what\u2019s rape?\u2019) or not by chance say from a friend who likes to share his swear word of the day (\u2018Mom what does F@#K mean?\u2019) \u2013 I want Caidin coming to ME for answers. I don\u2019t want him trying to figure it out himself, or getting answers from his friends. Plus it gives me an opportunity to instill my values. A conversation is never just about the questioned asked. These questions give us opportunities to talk about values and beliefs as well.<\/p>\n

As Conscious Parents we have to set the stage early for our children to feel not only comfortable but confident in coming to us with their questions; comfortable in that it is O.K. to ask us and confident in that we will give them real information. That doesn\u2019t happen by glossing over things or dismissing the question. That happens by having real conversations. Some questions require a \u2018let me think about how to answer that and we\u2019ll talk about it later.\u2019 But later always comes, it\u2019s not a euphemism for \u2018I don\u2019t want to answer this question, so I\u2019m going to put you off.\u2019<\/p>\n

For many people honest communication about topics that make them squirm is a big challenge and if that’s you, you most likely have how your own parents dealt with these topics to thank. They responded with discomfort and dismissal which creates a sense of shame for having asked the question in the first place. But your child wants answers and they will find them. So consider the alternative to shaking off your own discomfort. Do you want those answers to come from you or from the teenage brother or sister of your child\u2019s friend or worse by googling on the internet?<\/p>\n

And then there are those things we just know nothing about. There are times that I am at a total loss when Caidin asks me about some function of his body. Not having some of the same features, I just don\u2019t have an answer. But instead of simply saying \u2018ask your father.\u2019 I will acknowledge that his question is something I don\u2019t have an answer to because our bodies are different. I might suggest we look it up on line, but I also always suggest that he check in with his dad to make sure that he is equally comfortable speaking with his father. Some of these moments strike me as funny, and Caidin and I do laugh about them. There is nothing wrong with laughing about what we don\u2019t know, or the comedy in a moment.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t wait until your child is a teenager to talk about the things they will encounter in life both personally and socially. Some parents worry that by talking about these things that it is tantamount to condoning them. I don\u2019t see it that way. As I said, I believe by talking about these things it actually gives us an opportunity to instill our values and beliefs through the process of healthy conversation, so I welcome each opportunity.<\/p>\n

In the end what your child needs to know is that you are there, you are listening and that when they come to you, you will help them find the answers they are seeking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a9 2012 Christine Agro<\/p>\n

Remember, join me at\u00a0The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide<\/a>\u00a0for free more insight, guidance and to connect with a growing group of conscious parents.<\/p>\n

Have questions about your child or need support? Christine offers\u00a0private readings<\/a>\u00a0as well as on-line support at\u00a0The Consicous Mom\u2019s Guide<\/a><\/p>\n

Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, naturopath, Master Herbalist, conscious mom and author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously as well as of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Special Moms\u2019 Edition). Christine is founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide , a membership site where she helps support you on your own journey of living life consciously and on your journey of being a Conscious parent. You can also join Christine on\u00a0Facebook<\/a>. To contact Christine, invite her to speak or to schedule an appointment with her please\u00a0email<\/a>\u00a0her<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday there was an article about kids watching Internet Porn (Rude awakening: Teaching our kids the abc\u2019s of XXX). The article quoted a UK poll which found that \u201875% of teens said that their parents never discussed Internet Porn with them,\u2019 as well as cited a study from the University of Alberta which \u2018found that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":495,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,16,3],"tags":[58,9,30,224,223,225,226],"class_list":["post-551","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conscious-parenting-2","category-conversations-with-caidin","category-life-as-a-conscious-mom","tag-beliefnet","tag-christine-agro","tag-communication","tag-internet-porn","tag-sexting","tag-talking-about-sex","tag-teen-sex"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Real World Importance of Building a Healthy Communication Space with Your Child - Life As A Conscious Mom<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/07\/05\/the-real-world-importance-of-building-a-healthy-communication-space-with-your-child\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Real World Importance of Building a Healthy Communication Space with Your Child - Life As A Conscious Mom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yesterday there was an article about kids watching Internet Porn (Rude awakening: Teaching our kids the abc\u2019s of XXX). 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She has been interviewed on radio shows around the world, quoted in health and consumer magazines and e-zines nationwide and she is the founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide website. \u2022 Christine enjoys supporting women in all stages and phases of life. \u2022 Christine sees the power of today\u2019s children and seeks to support them in retaining their inner light. \u2022 She believes in living life passionately and purposefully. \u2022 She believes in the body\u2019s natural ability to heal and supporting that ability. \u2022 She believes children are conscious beings who have an unlimited capacity to understand and learn. \u2022 She believes children should be treated with respect and given the support and guidance to help them understand the world they have chosen to live in. \u2022 She believes all relationships offer us insight into what we want to learn and heal this lifetime. \u2022 She believes we all have the power to live a passionate and purposeful life. 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