{"id":515,"date":"2012-07-02T12:38:39","date_gmt":"2012-07-02T16:38:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/?p=515"},"modified":"2012-07-04T12:20:06","modified_gmt":"2012-07-04T16:20:06","slug":"how-to-teach-your-child-to-tell-the-truth-or-rather-how-to-not-teach-your-child-to-lie-the-4-simple-steps-to-follow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/07\/02\/how-to-teach-your-child-to-tell-the-truth-or-rather-how-to-not-teach-your-child-to-lie-the-4-simple-steps-to-follow\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Teach Your Child to Tell the Truth, or Rather How to Not Teach Your Child to Lie. The 4 Simple Steps to Follow."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Many parents inadvertently teach their children to lie.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the scenario:<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>Parent:\u2018 Did you do this?\u2019
\nChild: \u2018Yes\u2019
\nParent: \u2018Go to your room.\u2019<\/p>\n

Your child learns that by telling the truth they get in trouble.<\/p>\n

The next time:<\/strong>
\nParent: \u2018Did you do this?\u2019
\nChild: \u2018No\u2019
\nParent: \u2018Well, I hope you didn\u2019t.\u2019<\/p>\n

Both my husband and I realized early on that if we wanted Caidin to tell the truth, it was and is important to be conscious of how we reacted to Caidin when he did tell the truth. We had to be sure that we balanced recognition for telling the truth with behavior correction and not to confuse the two.<\/p>\n

This, to me, is one one of the ultimate Conscious Parenting tools because it has an impact on your overall communication space with your child. If they trust you to tell you what’s going on you are setting the ground work for those challenging teenage years.<\/p>\n

How to teach your child to tell the truth<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. When your child does something, you ask them to tell you what happened or to tell you the \u2018truth\u2019.<\/li>\n
  2. When they do, you say \u2018Thank you for telling me the truth, that\u2019s so important.\u2019<\/li>\n
  3. Then you talk to them about what they did, why it is wrong or where they made the wrong decision.<\/li>\n
  4. If an action needs to be taken, then you figure out what that action is.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Here\u2019s a memorable example of this with Caidin.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    When Caidin was in Kindergarten I walked him to and from school every day. It gave us many wonderful opportunities to talk about everything from the day-to-day to the miracles of nature.<\/p>\n

    One day, as we were walking home from school, Caidin reached into his pocket and pulled something out to hold in his hand. His body language and his silence told me something was amiss.<\/p>\n

    I asked him what he had in his hand and he opened it to show me a toy car. Upon seeing it I knew it wasn\u2019t his.<\/p>\n

    I took a breath and I said calmly, \u2018What\u2019s that?\u2019 and he said, \u2018It\u2019s a car.\u2019 \u2018Where did you get it?\u2019 I replied.<\/p>\n

    Caidin went on to tell me that he had taken it from his friend\u2019s cubby.<\/p>\n

    The first thing I did was thank Caidin for telling me the truth.<\/p>\n

    Then I asked him if he knew why he took the toy and if he knew that what he did was wrong.<\/p>\n

    The biggest issue was that he had taken the toy from his BEST friend, so it gave us an opportunity to talk about trust and friendships.<\/p>\n

    I asked him what he thought he should do. His first try was \u2018can I just bring it back tomorrow and put it back in my friend\u2019s cubby?\u2019<\/p>\n

    I thought about it and I said, \u2018that doesn\u2019t feel right to me. You\u2019ll know that you took it, but he won\u2019t and that will always be there in your mind as you move forward. I think you need to give it back to him, tell him what you did and apologize.\u2019<\/p>\n

    He thought about it and said, \u2018OK, but I\u2019m scared. What if he doesn\u2019t like me anymore?\u2019<\/p>\n

    \u2018That\u2019s a possibility, but being honest is important,\u2019 I told Caidin.<\/p>\n

    I then said, \u2018Let me call his Mom and see if they are still at school.\u2019<\/p>\n

    \u2018Can\u2019t I do it tomorrow?\u2019 Caidin said.<\/p>\n

    \u2018You could, but then you\u2019ll have to spend the whole night worrying about tomorrow. Let\u2019s just see if we can address it now,\u2019 I said.<\/p>\n

    Caidin\u2019s friend was still at school, so we walked all the way back and Caidin courageously handed the toy back to his friend and admitted that he had taken it and apologized. On the plus side, his friend didn\u2019t seem to really care, so he just said \u2018oh, ok.\u2019 They hugged and that was it.<\/p>\n

    Well, that was it for that part.<\/p>\n

    We resumed our walk home. I told Caidin I was proud of him for telling the truth to both me and to his friend and for dealing with the situation head-on. As we walked, Caidin stopped and looked at me with tears in his eyes and said \u2018What about my Dad? Are you going to tell him?\u2019<\/p>\n

    I responded with, \u2018well, it\u2019s something I do need to share with him, but don\u2019t you think it would be better if you told him?\u2019 To which Caidin agreed.<\/p>\n

    I prepped my husband ahead of time, letting him know what had already transpired and what actions had been taken. When Chuck got home, Caidin waited until his Dad was sitting in his chair and then he walked up to him, stood in front of his Dad and said \u2018I did something today and I need to tell you.\u2019 He went on to tell his Dad what he had done and how he had dealt with it and in the end, his dad gave him a big hug and thanked him for telling him, asked him what he had learned and that was it.<\/p>\n

    I could see the look of relief and surprise on Caidin\u2019s face, he was certain that he was going to get in trouble.<\/p>\n

    Later that night Caidin asked me, \u2018why didn\u2019t my Dad get mad?\u2019 I said, \u2018well, you told him the truth and you did everything that you could to take responsibility for the situation, including telling your Dad, so there wasn\u2019t much else to say.\u2019<\/p>\n

    Today Caidin pretty much tells us the truth. He has his moments and we address those specifically, because I really don\u2019t like lying. I think it lowers our vibration and makes us less of who we truly are.<\/p>\n

    We continue to positively reinforce the telling of the truth and what we see is that Caidin is more willing to talk to us about things and tell us what is going on in his life.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s important to remember that as parents we are here to teach and guide our children. Punishment tends to teach children to hide the truth. We want to teach our children that they can come to us and talk to us about the mistakes they\u2019ve made. Yes, we need to make sure that actions have consequences, but we need to make sure that those consequences yield a learning lesson that is something other than learning to not share the truth with us.<\/p>\n

    \u00a9 2012 Christine Agro<\/p>\n

    Remember, join me at\u00a0The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide<\/a>\u00a0for more insight, guidance and to connect with a growing group of conscious parents.<\/p>\n

    If you are interested in exploring your own Spiritual Agreements with your child, join me at\u00a0The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide<\/a>\u00a0for a special talk on the topic and you\u2019ll have an opportunity to ask me for insight into one of your agreements with your child during the Q&A.<\/p>\n

    Have questions about your child or need support? Christine offers\u00a0private readings<\/a>\u00a0as well as on-line support at\u00a0The Consicous Mom\u2019s Guide<\/a><\/p>\n

    Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, naturopath, Master Herbalist, conscious mom and author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously as well as of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Special Moms\u2019 Edition). Christine is founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide , a membership site where she helps support you on your own journey of living life consciously and on your journey of being a Conscious parent. You can also join Christine on\u00a0Facebook<\/a>. To contact Christine, invite her to speak or to schedule an appointment with her please\u00a0email<\/a>\u00a0her<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Many parents inadvertently teach their children to lie. Here\u2019s the scenario: Parent:\u2018 Did you do this?\u2019 Child: \u2018Yes\u2019 Parent: \u2018Go to your room.\u2019 Your child learns that by telling the truth they get in trouble. The next time: Parent: \u2018Did you do this?\u2019 Child: \u2018No\u2019 Parent: \u2018Well, I hope you didn\u2019t.\u2019 Both my husband and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":495,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,16,3],"tags":[58,214,215,218,9,5,211,213,212],"class_list":["post-515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conscious-parenting-2","category-conversations-with-caidin","category-life-as-a-conscious-mom","tag-beliefnet","tag-children-and-lying","tag-children-and-the-truth","tag-children-lying","tag-christine-agro","tag-conscious-parenting","tag-lying","tag-teach-your-child-to-tell-the-truth","tag-telling-the-truth"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Teach Your Child to Tell the Truth, or Rather How to Not Teach Your Child to Lie. 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She has been interviewed on radio shows around the world, quoted in health and consumer magazines and e-zines nationwide and she is the founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide website. \u2022 Christine enjoys supporting women in all stages and phases of life. \u2022 Christine sees the power of today\u2019s children and seeks to support them in retaining their inner light. \u2022 She believes in living life passionately and purposefully. \u2022 She believes in the body\u2019s natural ability to heal and supporting that ability. \u2022 She believes children are conscious beings who have an unlimited capacity to understand and learn. \u2022 She believes children should be treated with respect and given the support and guidance to help them understand the world they have chosen to live in. \u2022 She believes all relationships offer us insight into what we want to learn and heal this lifetime. \u2022 She believes we all have the power to live a passionate and purposeful life. 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