{"id":311,"date":"2012-06-07T14:30:35","date_gmt":"2012-06-07T18:30:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/?p=311"},"modified":"2012-08-23T15:58:43","modified_gmt":"2012-08-23T19:58:43","slug":"teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/","title":{"rendered":"Teaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>One of the best parts of my day is when I wait at our gate for Caidin to arrive on the school bus. I look forward to seeing him at the top of the bus steps, smiling and all set to give me a hug. Yesterday, the bus pulled up and instead of ‘smiling Caidin’, there was ‘long-faced Caidin’. His brow was furrowed and there was a combination of anger and sadness written on his face.<\/p>\n

As he stepped off the bus, my eyes were drawn to two red gouges on his arm. I gave him a hug and asked him how his day was. It usually doesn\u2019t take him long to tell me when something\u2019s happened and today was no different. He shared with me that a boy at school had gouged his nails into Caidin\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

Throughout the evening we bounced back and forth between discussing what was going on with this boy and other topics like did Caidin\u2019s new Pok\u00e9mon game come, who was taking him to a birthday party this weekend, and could he stay up to watch \u2018So You Think You Can Dance\u2019.<\/p>\n

My husband was teaching a night class at New York University so he called to check-in with Caidin. I heard Caidin\u2019s end of the conversation, which provided a little more detail about what was going on at school.<\/p>\n

As the night progressed it seemed like Caidin didn\u2019t really want to talk too much about the situation, so I let it be, with a plan to bring it up in the morning as we got ready for school.<\/p>\n

This morning I came with fresh energy and opened the conversation with, \u2018so, do you need any help with the boy at school or do you want to talk about ways you can handle it?\u2019 As parents we oftentimes want to jump in and protect and fix things, giving our advice and telling our kids what they should or need to do.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s not always the best thing to do. I believe we all have lessons to learn in life and we start working on these lessons the day we are born. Caidin has been working on standing-up for himself since he was a year old and each step offers Caidin an opportunity to learn something more about this life lesson.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s now eight and he needs more space to see if he can work this out on his own; either by dealing directly with this boy or by speaking up and asking for help from his teacher. Everything in me wants to march into school and fix it for him, but what will Caidin learn from that? He will learn that he needs someone else to stand up for him and the key is for Caidin to learn to stand-up for himself.<\/p>\n

We talked about what might be making this boy act out in this way. As best I can tell it\u2019s a combination of frustration and jealousy. Caidin apparently captured two coveted legendary Pok\u00e9mon (note to all: Pok\u00e9mon is never <\/em>Pok\u00e9mons). This boy actually made them faint in his own game \u2013 which in Pok\u00e9mon language means they are gone and won\u2019t come back. He will never be able to catch them and he wants them and Caidin has them. The boy keeps asking Caidin to trade him the two legendarys , but Caidin doesn\u2019t want to and has said \u2018no\u2019 a number of times. The more he says \u2018no\u2019 the more mean and aggressive this boy is getting.<\/p>\n

We talked about bullying and we talked about abuse and the different kinds of abuse \u2013 mental, emotional, physical and how none of it should be accepted. We also talked about the difference between understanding what is behind someone\u2019s behavior and accepting it.<\/p>\n

I want Caidin to have the ability to understand what would make someone act the way they do because I believe it helps alleviate the victim dynamic. If Caidin can see that people act the way they do because of their own wounding it changes the dynamic. It doesn\u2019t make it o.k. or excuse the behavior, but it helps Caidin see that he is the trigger not the cause.<\/p>\n

As we drove to school I told Caidin that I would support him in whatever way he wanted and I asked him if he had a plan. He did. He had decided that he was going to do two things: he was going to tell his teacher that he was having this problem but that he was trying to work it out and he was going to tell this boy that he will not trade him his legendary Pok\u00e9mon and also that he doesn\u2019t want the boy to ask him again.<\/p>\n

I thought that was a good strategy.<\/p>\n

I finished the conversation with, \u2018sounds like a good plan, and just know that I am here to help you however you need.\u2019<\/p>\n

So we\u2019ll see how things go. There is a line, it\u2019s an invisible line, but should things cross it, I will be marching into school without a doubt.<\/p>\n

Here are the four things to remember as a conscious parent:<\/p>\n

Life Lessons<\/strong>: Our kids have their own life lesson to learn and the situations they encounter help them to learn these lessons.<\/p>\n

Strategies:<\/strong> We can\u2019t learn their lessons for them, so as much as possible give them tools and vocabulary and strategies to help them as they learn these life lessons.<\/p>\n

Support:<\/strong> Always let them know that you are there to support them in whatever way they need. Help them figure things out but give them the space to solve the problem on their own.<\/p>\n

Step-in:<\/strong> Don\u2019t hesitate to step in. The key is to create a self-sufficient, confident child who at the same time knows they have the support and backing of their parents. How do you know when to step in? Personally, if I hear the same story for a few days and it isn\u2019t getting resolved, I\u2019ll step in. If your child isn\u2019t as much of a talker as mine is, watch your child\u2019s demeanor. If it\u2019s changed \u2013 gone from happy to sullen, social to reclusive, if they themselves are lashing out or acting out, these are all signs that it\u2019s time to step-in.<\/p>\n

Learning to navigate the world is a full time job for our kids. They are figuring out what\u2019s o.k. and what isn\u2019t o.k., how to act, react and what works and what doesn\u2019t work. Every experience they encounter offers an opportunity for them to learn and grow.<\/p>\n

The key here for conscious parents is to provide the support, guidance and insight that will help our kids to do just that: Learn and Grow.<\/p>\n

\u00a9 2012 Christine Agro<\/p>\n

Have questions about your child or need support? Christine offers\u00a0private readings<\/a>\u00a0as well as on-line support at\u00a0The Consicous Mom’s Guide<\/a><\/p>\n

Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, naturopath, Master Herbalist, conscious mom and author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously as well as of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Special Moms\u2019 Edition). Christine is founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide , a membership site where she helps support you on your own journey of living life consciously and on your journey of being a Conscious parent. You can also join Christine on\u00a0Facebook<\/a>. To contact Christine, invite her to speak or to schedule an appointment with her please\u00a0email<\/a>\u00a0her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the best parts of my day is when I wait at our gate for Caidin to arrive on the school bus. I look forward to seeing him at the top of the bus steps, smiling and all set to give me a hug. Yesterday, the bus pulled up and instead of ‘smiling Caidin’,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":495,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[364,11,16,28,3,10,107],"tags":[58,525,9,123,124,125,126],"class_list":["post-311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-back-to-school","category-conscious-parenting-2","category-conversations-with-caidin","category-insight","category-life-as-a-conscious-mom","category-list-day","category-teachable-moments","tag-beliefnet","tag-bullying","tag-christine-agro","tag-dealing-with-bullies","tag-life-lessons","tag-strategies","tag-teaching-your-child-to-stand-up"],"yoast_head":"\nTeaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights - Life As A Conscious Mom<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Teaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights - Life As A Conscious Mom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the best parts of my day is when I wait at our gate for Caidin to arrive on the school bus. I look forward to seeing him at the top of the bus steps, smiling and all set to give me a hug. Yesterday, the bus pulled up and instead of ‘smiling Caidin’,…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Life As A Conscious Mom\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-06-07T18:30:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-08-23T19:58:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/files\/2012\/06\/MP900448474-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Christine Agro, The Conscious Mom\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Teaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights - Life As A Conscious Mom","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Teaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights - Life As A Conscious Mom","og_description":"One of the best parts of my day is when I wait at our gate for Caidin to arrive on the school bus. I look forward to seeing him at the top of the bus steps, smiling and all set to give me a hug. Yesterday, the bus pulled up and instead of ‘smiling Caidin’,…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/","og_site_name":"Life As A Conscious Mom","article_published_time":"2012-06-07T18:30:35+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-08-23T19:58:43+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/files\/2012\/06\/MP900448474-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Christine Agro, The Conscious Mom","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/","name":"Teaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights - Life As A Conscious Mom","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/files\/2012\/06\/MP900448474-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2012-06-07T18:30:35+00:00","dateModified":"2012-08-23T19:58:43+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/#\/schema\/person\/9ab2ad4b6b50dd6754949eada3dd3331"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/files\/2012\/06\/MP900448474-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/files\/2012\/06\/MP900448474-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/06\/07\/teaching-your-child-to-stand-up-for-themselves-4-things-every-conscious-parent-should-know\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Teaching Your Child to Stand Up For Themselves \u2013 4 Conscious Parenting Insights"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/","name":"Life As A Conscious Mom","description":"Parenting, Parenting Advice, Tips For Moms and Lifestyle Advice for Women","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/#\/schema\/person\/9ab2ad4b6b50dd6754949eada3dd3331","name":"Christine Agro, The Conscious Mom","description":"Christine Agro has degrees in Naturopathy and Western Herbs from The School of Natural Medicine and is an internationally recognized Clairvoyant and Spiritual Teacher. Her work focuses on supporting women, families and children in all phases and stages of their lives. She is the author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously and the creator of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Standard and Special Moms' Edtions). Using her unique approach, Christine provides clients with a truly holistic overview of their health, wellness, well-being and their life journey. Praised by grateful women, parents, and celebrity clients across the globe for her intuitive and extraordinary gifts as a healer, she has been hailed as \u201cmagical\u201d, \u201ctransformational\u201d and \u201cinspiring.\u201d Christine has been featured in The New York Times and hailed a gift to moms by RealSavvyMoms.com. She has been interviewed on radio shows around the world, quoted in health and consumer magazines and e-zines nationwide and she is the founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide website. \u2022 Christine enjoys supporting women in all stages and phases of life. \u2022 Christine sees the power of today\u2019s children and seeks to support them in retaining their inner light. \u2022 She believes in living life passionately and purposefully. \u2022 She believes in the body\u2019s natural ability to heal and supporting that ability. \u2022 She believes children are conscious beings who have an unlimited capacity to understand and learn. \u2022 She believes children should be treated with respect and given the support and guidance to help them understand the world they have chosen to live in. \u2022 She believes all relationships offer us insight into what we want to learn and heal this lifetime. \u2022 She believes we all have the power to live a passionate and purposeful life. Using her clairvoyance combined with her background in naturopathic healing, herbs, homeopathy, aromatherapy, nutrition and more Christine offers conscious insight and healing support into areas such as relationships, parenting, pregnancy and spiritual growth. Find out more about Christine Agro, her work and how to schedule a reading at www.christineagro.com and check out The Conscious Mom's Guide at www.theConsciousMomsGuide.net to join a growing group of conscious parents.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.theconsciousmomsguide.net"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/author\/cagro\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/495"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=311"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":322,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311\/revisions\/322"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=311"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=311"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=311"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}