{"id":1187,"date":"2012-11-05T10:03:03","date_gmt":"2012-11-05T15:03:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/?p=1187"},"modified":"2012-11-05T11:44:05","modified_gmt":"2012-11-05T16:44:05","slug":"caidin-says-dont-let-anyone-make-you-feel-smaller","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lifeasaconsciousmom\/2012\/11\/05\/caidin-says-dont-let-anyone-make-you-feel-smaller\/","title":{"rendered":"Caidin says, ‘Don’t let anyone make you feel smaller!’"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Caidin has been having a particularly challenging first half of the school year. Friday was a really hard day for him and he was in tears by the time we left the school. I could tell he\u2019d been holding back the tears until we got outside.<\/p>\n

I gave him a hug, let him cry, which turned to sobbing and then asked him why he was so upset. It was a variation on the same thing \u2013 there are two kids who keep doing things and then blaming it on Caidin. For Caidin this is the worst thing in the world. He\u2019s a somewhat righteous child. He has a strong moral code and if he does something he knows he shouldn\u2019t have done, he will tell me. He actually tells on himself. So the notion that someone would accuse him of doing something that he didn\u2019t do is beyond upsetting for him.<\/p>\n

We seem to have things in hand with his primary teacher; she is aware of what is going on and is paying attention to the dynamics. We\u2019ve had to have the same information shared with the teachers who run the special classes like art and P.E and music.<\/p>\n

I wrote about this last year. He was having a similar problem. There were a few kids who liked to poke at him during class or do things that disturbed him and when Caidin would yell out \u2018stop that,\u2019 or \u2018don\u2019t,\u2019 he would end up in trouble for disrupting the class. (How The Vocal Get In Trouble<\/a>)<\/p>\n

As we drove home on Friday, in addition to the tears, it was clear from our conversation that this had reached a level of intolerability for him. He told me that he talked to one of his friends, who interestingly is similar in nature to Caidin and is having the same type of problems and Caidin has tried to help him, from his own experiences. He said that he asked this boy \u2018why are they so mean to me?\u2019 and this broke my heart. I said to him \u2018do you think they are intentionally mean to you?\u2019 And he said \u2018no, but I wanted to see if maybe I was doing something that would make them act this way toward me.\u2019 Great awareness!<\/p>\n

When I was in fourth grade the boys used to tease me until I cried. It became great sport and they would do it every day. I know what it feels like. So as a mom I try to find a balance between hearing him, supporting him, helping him look for patterns and life lessons and helping him come up with strategies to manage what is going on.<\/p>\n

As parents we want to say \u2018that shouldn\u2019t happen\u2019 but the truth is, it does. It happens in pre-K, it happens in 2nd<\/sup> grade, it happens in high school and it happens in the work place and in our personal relationships as we get older. Figuring out what exactly we are working on, and what we need to do to change our reality, is the life lesson at hand.<\/p>\n

We continued to talk on the entire drive home and into the house. When we got inside I said to Caidin \u2018what do you think you are trying to learn with all of this?\u2019 He responded \u2018Don\u2019t ever let anyone make you smaller.\u2019 Wow, if only had that kind of awareness when I was 8 years old.<\/p>\n

My husband and I talked about the situation once Caidin went to bed and we decided we would ask him if he wanted us to talk to the school about moving him out of the class he was in. When Chuck asked Caidin the next day, his answer was wonderful. He said \u2018why would I leave my class? I have good friends in that class and if I moved to another class, I might have to deal with someone else doing the same thing.\u2019 Points go to Caidin for having such clarity.<\/p>\n

I think one of the most important pieces of information to come out of this for Caidin had to do with why he reacts the way he does. We asked him what makes him get so upset and at first he really didn\u2019t know. We asked if he was afraid to get in trouble and what he thought would happen if he did. Eventually he came to realize that there really wasn\u2019t anything to be afraid of. We would support him and stand by him. The teachers weren\u2019t going to think less of him, the school was going to work with him. I think that one piece in-and-of-itself made him feel much better. It took some unspoken pressure off of him.<\/p>\n

Last night I asked him if he had a strategy and he said \u2018no, I think I\u2019ll just see what happens tomorrow.\u2019<\/p>\n

So today, he happily headed off into school determined to not let anyone make him feel smaller.<\/p>\n

\u00a9 2012 Christine Agro<\/p>\n

Join me at\u00a0The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide<\/a>, a free membership site designed to bring consciousness to every stage and phase of your life and your child\u2019s life.<\/p>\n

Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, naturopath, Master Herbalist, conscious mom and author of 50 Ways to Live Life Consciously as well as of The Conscious Living Wisdom Cards (Special Moms\u2019 Edition). Christine is founder of The Conscious Mom\u2019s Guide , a membership site where she helps support you on your own journey of living life consciously and on your journey of being a Conscious parent. You can also join Christine on\u00a0Facebook<\/a>. To contact Christine, invite her to speak or to schedule an appointment with her please\u00a0email<\/a>\u00a0her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Caidin has been having a particularly challenging first half of the school year. Friday was a really hard day for him and he was in tears by the time we left the school. I could tell he\u2019d been holding back the tears until we got outside. 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