{"id":5886,"date":"2018-08-01T01:00:50","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T05:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/?p=5886"},"modified":"2018-07-16T19:17:33","modified_gmt":"2018-07-16T23:17:33","slug":"be-willing-to-watch-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/2018\/08\/be-willing-to-watch-yourself.html","title":{"rendered":"Be Willing to Watch Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

Question:<\/strong> I have been struggling for years with the fact that I often desperately want people to like me. It is clear that my needy self causes the opposite effect by making me nervous, tense, and artificial. It seems obvious that I need to stop wanting people and be myself, but I cannot think my way out of this one\u2026 do you know a way out?<\/p>\n

Answer:<\/strong> Yes, there is a way out. The next time that you find yourself around others, make it your aim (ahead of time) to want to see yourself in these moments more than you want to feel wanted by those around you. What will this do? It will save your attention for where it belongs, and in this new attention you will \u201ctaste\u201d the truth that to want anything from another person is the same as asking for some kind of pain.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong> So are you saying that self-observation will halt this? I cannot let go once and for all? I have to do this every time I have a conversation with someone? This seems more than I am capable of on a consistent basis. Is there a faster way?<\/p>\n

Answer:<\/strong> If you\u2019re still thinking in terms of \u201cshould or shouldn\u2019t I be watchful of myself,\u201d you\u2019ve yet to realize what is really happening to you in your state of psychic sleep. And we are asleep to ourselves anytime we are not conscious of what it is within us that is in conversation with someone. As you come to see the truth that the unattended mind can\u2019t do anything but defeat itself (and your true interests at the same time), you will not wonder what\u2019s best for you, or when to work at it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: I have been struggling for years with the fact that I often desperately want people to like me. It is clear that my needy self causes the opposite effect by making me nervous, tense, and artificial. 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His ideas cut straight to the heart of our most important personal and social issues - relationships, success, addiction, stress, peace, happiness, freedom - and lead the way to a higher life. Finley is the Founder and Director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit Center for Spiritual Discovery. He is the acclaimed author of \"The Secret of Letting Go\" and more than 45 other books and audio programs that have sold over two million copies in 26 languages worldwide. His work is widely endorsed by doctors, business professionals, celebrities, and religious leaders of all denominations. Through Life of Learning Foundation, Guy has presented over 5,000 unique self-realization seminars to thousands of grateful students throughout North America and Europe over the past 20 years and has been a guest on over 700 television and radio shows, including national appearances on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and NPR. 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