{"id":3756,"date":"2014-12-09T03:00:19","date_gmt":"2014-12-09T08:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/?p=3756"},"modified":"2014-12-09T00:20:33","modified_gmt":"2014-12-09T05:20:33","slug":"trust-and-betrayal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/2014\/12\/trust-and-betrayal.html","title":{"rendered":"Trust and Betrayal"},"content":{"rendered":"

Question:<\/strong> Someone I love has hurt me deeply, betrayed my trust, and now I don\u2019t know how I should feel about this person. Should I forgive and forget, or try to find another who won\u2019t be the same way? Seems I can\u2019t get a hold on what should be happening here! What\u2019s to be done?<\/p>\n

Answer:<\/strong> No one can, nor should he, ever say, “do this, or do that” when it comes to questions of the human heart, and how to deal with what has revealed its vulnerability. How does one remain open and loving when anger and mistrust are trying to seal one off from love itself?<\/p>\n

Seen clearly, as challenging as it may be, the great pain being felt here is not because of what someone else has done, but rather because of what that behavior stirs and serves to reveal in you. We are divided…pure and simple; one “I” wants to forgive, knows that hatred and resentment is never the right thing to do…while another “I” finds forgiveness unreasonable, makes and holds accounts against the offender, and finds full justification in carrying forward an unforgiving attitude. One “I” wants to believe in the “good” in others, while another “I” knows that the “good” in sleeping human beings can disappear in an instant, like the sun behind a series of passing clouds. So, what to do? Don’t look for the “pot of gold” at the end of an imagined rainbow!<\/p>\n

Human relationships are storms waiting to happen because people who think that their worth depends upon what others do or don’t do towards them will always (eventually) find themselves in conflict with the choices these “others” make. But, in these storms, and the “rains” of pain they produce, also exist the seeds of other possibilities.<\/p>\n

In any crisis of confidence with another there is also the possibility of the “seed” of self-reliance breaking through to reach for the sun. In any moment of doubt, despair, or sense of betrayal brought on by the choice of another, there also exists the possibility of realizing that dark states, regardless of their “cause,” don’t prove our innocence or virtue; these dark (self-induced) states show us, at once, two possibilities: we can either succumb to living as a victim of the passing moment, or we can see that the moment making us miserable is born of our unconscious identification with something or someone outside of us. However, this knowledge, these insights do nothing to change the nature of our pain, nor is it intended to; it exists to allow us a new order of choice in the moment of our conflict, by showing us that what we suffer over determines how we suffer, and for how long.<\/p>\n

If we continue to believe that it is what others do that drives us into our dark ways and days, then we will never stop suffering trying to change them, or crying over how conflicted we feel because we’re not sure how we should be thinking towards them. But as we awaken a bit, we can start to be willing to suffer our presently divided “self”…to see that our many sleeping selves, by their inherently varied and un-reconciled existence within us, will always cause us to “love one and despise the other.” And it is this choice…to be what we are without a “reason” (for being that) that makes the difference in whether the bad weather of our relationships produces spring flowers or mud holes. More than this cannot be said about what to do with those people in our lives who have hurt us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Question: Someone I love has hurt me deeply, betrayed my trust, and now I don\u2019t know how I should feel about this person. Should I forgive and forget, or try to find another who won\u2019t be the same way? Seems I can\u2019t get a hold on what should be happening here! What\u2019s to be done?…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":232,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[682,73,130],"tags":[45,151,179,699,288,2113,296,290],"class_list":["post-3756","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hatred-resentment","category-love-relationships","category-pain-2","tag-anger","tag-betrayal","tag-forgiveness","tag-hurt","tag-identification","tag-mistrust","tag-suffering","tag-trust"],"yoast_head":"\nTrust and Betrayal - Letting Go with Guy Finley<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/2014\/12\/trust-and-betrayal.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trust and Betrayal - Letting Go with Guy Finley\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question: Someone I love has hurt me deeply, betrayed my trust, and now I don\u2019t know how I should feel about this person. Should I forgive and forget, or try to find another who won\u2019t be the same way? Seems I can\u2019t get a hold on what should be happening here! 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His ideas cut straight to the heart of our most important personal and social issues - relationships, success, addiction, stress, peace, happiness, freedom - and lead the way to a higher life. Finley is the Founder and Director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit Center for Spiritual Discovery. He is the acclaimed author of \"The Secret of Letting Go\" and more than 45 other books and audio programs that have sold over two million copies in 26 languages worldwide. His work is widely endorsed by doctors, business professionals, celebrities, and religious leaders of all denominations. Through Life of Learning Foundation, Guy has presented over 5,000 unique self-realization seminars to thousands of grateful students throughout North America and Europe over the past 20 years and has been a guest on over 700 television and radio shows, including national appearances on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and NPR. 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For more information about Life of Learning Foundation, Guy Finley, and their life-changing messages, visit guyfinley.org. \"Guy Finley is...one of the leading experts at the forefront of human potential.\" -Nightingale Conant \"Guy Finley has helped millions live fuller, more peaceable lives.\" -Barnes and Noble","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.guyfinley.org","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Guy-Finley-260924340633\/","https:\/\/x.com\/guy_finley"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/author\/gfinley"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3756","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/232"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3756"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3756\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3757,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3756\/revisions\/3757"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3756"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3756"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lettinggo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3756"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}