{"id":91,"date":"2009-07-17T15:53:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-17T15:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html"},"modified":"2009-07-17T15:53:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-17T15:53:00","slug":"compare-thee-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html","title":{"rendered":"Compare Thee Not!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Do you judge yourself by how you compare to others? Many of us do. That’s a set-up for low self-esteem. There will always be someone thinner, or richer, or more musculare or taller, or who attracts more dates, or who seems to have it better than you. I consider myself beyond compare! After all, how can you compare a unique individual, which we all are? Obsessing over comparisons to others can deflate you.<\/p>\n

Comparisons bring out negative qualities and emotions<\/span>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Vanity<\/span> comes into play when comparisons are about your body, clothing, hair, and other appearance related qualities. It pushes you to look better in a private competition with everyone you perceive to have a better visual quality. That\u2019s why we\u2019ve become a society of botox and sucking fat out and sculpting bodies to look like someone else. It\u2019s become more about whose breasts, or chin, or butt or hair do you want? That mentality keeps plastic surgeons in fancy homes since often, the new look doesn\u2019t bring happiness and leads to more comparisons.<\/p>\n

Bitterness<\/span> develops when you see people who have things that you can\u2019t, or think you can\u2019t have. Maybe you can\u2019t afford the Botox or surgery. Or you have traits that can\u2019t be altered. A short guy can\u2019t pay to be taller. A large boned woman can\u2019t become petite. This kind of bitterness creates another trait that can hurt you.<\/p>\n

Jealousy<\/span>. Emotions created when comparisons make you feel inferior are like cancer in your soul. Jealousy makes you angry that you don\u2019t have what others do. It creates dislike for people with qualities you wish you had. And it can lead to feeling another cancerous emotion if you\u2019re not careful.<\/p>\n

Hatred<\/span>. I hear women using hate when they give compliments. \u201cI hate you for having such gorgeous hair. Ha ha.\u201d Except it\u2019s not really a joke. What they often mean is, \u201cI hate myself for not having the kind of hair you do.\u201d Comparisons can nurture self-loathing. Many of us hate ourselves for not being able to do or be or have what we see in others.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat I was only as good as how I compared to others. Vanity was out of my reach since I had a low self-image. So I felt bitter about my perception of not looking as good as others. Smaller women made me feel HUGE. How I felt about me was dependent on who I was with, which is a ridiculous waste of energy. Now I can laugh at how silly it was. But when I consistently sold me short in comparison to almost everyone, I was in pain most of the time.<\/p>\n

Self-appreciation is the antidote to unhealthy comparisons. <\/span><\/p>\n

Working on my inner self-appreciation helped me recognize how special I am\u2014without my evaluation being dependent on others. It’s about me, and how I feel about me, not how looking at someone else makes me feel about me. That’s not real, just self-loathing! We\u2019re all unique. Everyone has pluses and minuses.<\/p>\n

There will always someone who seems more attractive or physically fit or smarter or more successful if you look. <\/span><\/p>\n

But they have nothing to do with you, unless you choose to judge yourself by them. Having worked with people for years, I can assure that that few people couldn\u2019t find qualities in themselves that they feel insecure about. I\u2019ve heard Nicole Kidman rattle off reasons about how she\u2019s not as good as many other women. Hello!!<\/p>\n

Who you are in your own right has nothing to do with what others do or don\u2019t have. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s YOUR choice to let comparisons make you feel less than or better than someone. We\u2019re often our own worst critics. People who you perceive as having more or better than you don\u2019t make you feel less attractive or successful. YOU make yourself feel that way. Comparisons are dangerous self-esteem busters. Don\u2019t make someone\u2019s accomplishments or attributes a reflection of your failure or limit you.<\/p>\n

I’ve been there an know that pain. There will always be someone with something you see as better, just as other people will envy you for something. Dub thyself incomparable\u2014because you are!<\/span><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

\"AddThis<\/a> var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you judge yourself by how you compare to others? Many of us do. That’s a set-up for low self-esteem. There will always be someone thinner, or richer, or more musculare or taller, or who attracts more dates, or who seems to have it better than you. I consider myself beyond compare! After all, how…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-91","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-esteem"],"yoast_head":"\nCompare Thee Not! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Compare Thee Not! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you judge yourself by how you compare to others? Many of us do. That’s a set-up for low self-esteem. There will always be someone thinner, or richer, or more musculare or taller, or who attracts more dates, or who seems to have it better than you. I consider myself beyond compare! After all, how…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-07-17T15:53:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SmDXLz1Tr-I\/AAAAAAAAA7k\/5UEEr-4xrD4\/s200\/illusion+in+mirrors.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Compare Thee Not! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Compare Thee Not! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Do you judge yourself by how you compare to others? Many of us do. That’s a set-up for low self-esteem. There will always be someone thinner, or richer, or more musculare or taller, or who attracts more dates, or who seems to have it better than you. I consider myself beyond compare! After all, how…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2009-07-17T15:53:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SmDXLz1Tr-I\/AAAAAAAAA7k\/5UEEr-4xrD4\/s200\/illusion+in+mirrors.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html","name":"Compare Thee Not! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SmDXLz1Tr-I\/AAAAAAAAA7k\/5UEEr-4xrD4\/s200\/illusion+in+mirrors.jpg","datePublished":"2009-07-17T15:53:00+00:00","dateModified":"2009-07-17T15:53:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SmDXLz1Tr-I\/AAAAAAAAA7k\/5UEEr-4xrD4\/s200\/illusion+in+mirrors.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SmDXLz1Tr-I\/AAAAAAAAA7k\/5UEEr-4xrD4\/s200\/illusion+in+mirrors.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/07\/compare-thee-not.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Compare Thee Not!"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=91"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=91"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=91"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=91"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}