{"id":5589,"date":"2014-06-21T17:14:25","date_gmt":"2014-06-21T21:14:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5589"},"modified":"2014-06-21T17:14:25","modified_gmt":"2014-06-21T21:14:25","slug":"you-cant-buy-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html","title":{"rendered":"You Can\u2019t Buy Love"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-2561\" src=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg\" alt=\"Heart 2 GOOD\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><a href=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/06\/dollars1.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-5591\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/91\/2014\/06\/dollars1-300x198.jpg\" alt=\"dollars\" width=\"300\" height=\"198\" \/><\/a>Love isn\u2019t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I catered to the needs of a guy I was dating, he\u2019d want to stay. Women tell me they cook and clean for their guy, hoping it will get them the love they crave. Men say they shower women with gifts and expensive outungs to keep the woman.But it usually doesn\u2019t work because you can\u2019t buy love. It\u2019s not a sale item.<\/p>\n<p>Love comes from the heart. It builds from personal connections. Some people will love what you do for them. But that\u2019s not the kind of love that\u2019s satisfying. Then you feel pressure to keep on giving and giving to please the person and keep the love coming.\u00a0 And knowing that someone loves you for what you give them isn\u2019t the same as someone loving you for you.<\/p>\n<p>Yet people pleasers keep trying to buy love with favors, acquiescence, gifts, and more. Then they feel stressed, like I used to, about keeping it up so the person would continue to love them. This isn\u2019t just about buying love from a romantic partner. People try to buy the love of a friend, parent, etc. If you do this it\u2019s time to stop, like I did. When I put a lid on people pleasing, I got to see who really loved me for me and who my true friends were.<\/p>\n<p>To break the pattern, focus on giving yourself love.The more you love yourself, the more you can control what you give others. Put your energy into making yourself happy, and appreciating it.\u00a0 Buy your own love with acts of self-kindness<\/p>\n<p>************<\/p>\n<p>Join <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-pledge\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>&#8212;<strong>\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for <strong><strong>the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-book\" target=\"_blank\">How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/\">http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts <a href=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5224\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheSelfLoveMovement\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=aYnktf84aPA\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank&#8217;s song&#8211;The reason&#8211;that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love isn\u2019t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I catered to the needs of a guy I was dating, he\u2019d want to stay. Women&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[43,27],"class_list":["post-5589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-people-pleasing","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>You Can\u2019t Buy Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Can\u2019t Buy Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Love isn\u2019t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I catered to the needs of a guy I was dating, he\u2019d want to stay. Women&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-06-21T21:14:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"You Can\u2019t Buy Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"You Can\u2019t Buy Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Love isn\u2019t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I catered to the needs of a guy I was dating, he\u2019d want to stay. Women&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2014-06-21T21:14:25+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html","name":"You Can\u2019t Buy Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg","datePublished":"2014-06-21T21:14:25+00:00","dateModified":"2014-06-21T21:14:25+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/12\/Heart-2.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/06\/you-cant-buy-love.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"You Can\u2019t Buy Love"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start &amp; Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5589"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5592,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5589\/revisions\/5592"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}