{"id":5538,"date":"2014-05-30T12:01:52","date_gmt":"2014-05-30T16:01:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5538"},"modified":"2014-05-14T21:31:28","modified_gmt":"2014-05-15T01:31:28","slug":"do-you-refuse-to-see-your-truth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/do-you-refuse-to-see-your-truth.html","title":{"rendered":"Do You Refuse to See Your Truth?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"horse:blinders\"<\/a>Years ago I had a friend who had HUGE issues, but to him, everything was fine. His friends had given up on getting him into therapy. He insisted he could handle stuff himself. And he did, with lots of alcohol, erratic behavior, and sometimes treating people with disrespect. I eventually had to end our friendship.<\/p>\n

Afterward, a mutual friend and I talked about how this guy was in denial. He didn\u2019t want to face his issues, probably afraid it would be too painful. It\u2019s like that with many, many many people. It\u2019s hard to face your bad habits, insecurities, fears, limitations, situations that need to be changed, etc. If you do, you\u2019d feel more pressure to change, which can be scary. This can lead to living with invisible blinders on, like the kind horses wear so they can only see in front of them.<\/p>\n

People stay in bad relationships because they\u2019re in denial about how bad it is. They make excuses for the other person rather than face the truth.<\/p>\n

Many people with bad habits, like drinking too much, overeating, procrastinating on important things, et., are in denial about it being a problem. People don\u2019t take their medication because they\u2019re in denial about having a health problem. That wouldn\u2019t feel good.People with issues from childhood,, like the friend I mentioned earlier can\u2019t face pain they\u2019ve experienced so they live in denial that rape, beatings, insults, loss happened or remains a problem today.<\/p>\n

I was in denial when I was a DoorMat. Many people pleasers are. They please and please and please at their own expense, telling themselves it\u2019s just because they\u2019re nice. I think most DoorMats are. We don\u2019t acknowledge the fear or insecurity or the other reasons that motivate us to give too much. That can be too painful!<\/p>\n

When my friend and I talked about our mutual friend\u2019s denial, we realized how common it is. Everyone I talked to knew someone who was in denial about something. And I\u2019m sure they all were in denial about something. While being in denial is very common,, it can hurt you since it keeps you from facing things that are wrong or unhealthy for you to move beyond them.<\/p>\n

If you face that your romantic partner doesn\u2019t treat you well, you must take a stand. DoorMats have trouble facing that they\u2019re DoorMats and need to put themselves first more. That can seem scary if you think you\u2019ll lose people by doing so. So take off your blinders if you want to be happy. See what really motivates your behavior. Then you can change if you don’t like it.
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Years ago I had a friend who had HUGE issues, but to him, everything was fine. His friends had given up on getting him into therapy. He insisted he could handle stuff himself. And he did, with lots of alcohol, erratic behavior, and sometimes treating people with disrespect. I eventually had to end our friendship.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2],"tags":[510,953,954,511],"class_list":["post-5538","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-denial","tag-facing-reality","tag-not-facing-reality","tag-wearing-blinders"],"yoast_head":"\nDo You Refuse to See Your Truth? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do You Refuse to See Your Truth? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Years ago I had a friend who had HUGE issues, but to him, everything was fine. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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