{"id":5524,"date":"2014-05-23T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2014-05-23T16:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5524"},"modified":"2014-05-12T15:24:09","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T19:24:09","slug":"facades","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/facades.html","title":{"rendered":"Fa\u00e7ades"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"By<\/a>
By dantada via Morguguefile<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019ve learned that many people put on facades, when he\/she is overcompensating for insecurity. Since I work with a lot of people, I get to see what\u2019s behind the facades and how what they project isn\u2019t who they are. People who you\u2019d see as being on top of their worlds come to me expressing how much they see is wrong with them and wanting to feel more empowered. Yet the fa\u00e7ade they put out it one of strong confidence.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s better to give someone a chance by getting to know him or her than to judge by your immediate impression.<\/p>\n

Some fa\u00e7ades are helpful. I advise people to fake confidence until it\u2019s real. But, we can go overboard and create an image that puts people off or gives such a wrong impression that people don\u2019t react the way you\u2019d like. It\u2019s better to avoid any extremes when possible, since they can negatively affect your interactions. An overblown appearance of confidence seems like conceit to many people, especially if they get jealous.<\/p>\n

Snap judgments can keep you from having a good relationship with someone. There might be a good person behind the fa\u00e7ade. I believe there usually is.<\/p>\n

I worked with a guy who carried himself like he was all that. Always dressed in good clothing, he had an imperious attitude. Since he came to me to talk about a problem, I was honest in my assessment of him. He came across as obnoxious in how full of himself he was. Slowly, his insecurity revealed itself. He told me how he was teased as a kid and grew up trying to carry himself as perfectly as possible to avoid any criticism. Glen morphed into another person right before me. Yet most people thought he was on top of his life.<\/p>\n

EVERYONE has baggage and issues, even if their fa\u00e7ade indicates they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Slowly I helped Glen modify his attitude. He still seemed confident but it was no longer annoying. It\u2019s always good to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of judging them by the first appearance you see. And, when you meet someone you\u2019d like to know better, be careful of how they view you. Pay attention to the impression you give to those who don\u2019t know you well. It\u2019s fine to carry yourself in ways that reflect who you\u2019re growing into. That\u2019s how I got to where I am now. But, you don\u2019t want to go to any extremes.<\/p>\n

Look for the good in people. Be confident but also be humble. You might think someone is snooty, but it\u2019s often to protect him\/herself, when she\u2019s just shy, or he\u2019s acting arrogant. Be tolerant! And try not to give off a fa\u00e7ade that might create a negative vibe with people you interact with.\u00a0 Get comfortable in your own skin and be yourself!
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve learned that many people put on facades, when he\/she is overcompensating for insecurity. Since I work with a lot of people, I get to see what\u2019s behind the facades and how what they project isn\u2019t who they are. People who you\u2019d see as being on top of their worlds come to me expressing how…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2],"tags":[48,946],"class_list":["post-5524","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-confidence","tag-judging-people"],"yoast_head":"\nFa\u00e7ades - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fa\u00e7ades - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019ve learned that many people put on facades, when he\/she is overcompensating for insecurity. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5524"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5526,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524\/revisions\/5526"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}