{"id":5514,"date":"2014-05-16T12:01:02","date_gmt":"2014-05-16T16:01:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5514"},"modified":"2014-05-11T22:17:23","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T02:17:23","slug":"get-rid-of-your-not-good-enoughs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/get-rid-of-your-not-good-enoughs.html","title":{"rendered":"Get Rid of Your \u201cNot Good Enoughs\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When I was a DoorMat, I let people walk all over me. I jumped to do favors for everyone. I agreed to do what other people wanted to do. Other people ran my life for me. All because I believed I wasn\u2019t “good enough” to get my own needs met. My belief came from feeling too fat to be good enough to stand up to people, ask for what I wanted, choose the activities I did with friends, to say \u201dno” to what I didn\u2019t want to do.\u00a0 All because I thought I was not good enough because I was too fat.<\/p>\n

Yet looking back at photos of me in those days I finally accept that I wasn\u2019t fst. I just wasn\u2019t thin. I sacrificed a lot to compensate for my perception of being fat. Everyone has their own reasons for not feeling \u201cgood enough.\u201d Some common ones I hear about are:<\/p>\n

* Body image.<\/strong> Like me, many people think their body isn\u2019t the way it \u201dshould be,\u201d whether too fat, too thin, not endowed enough in some parts of the body, too short, too tall, etc. It’s usually a perception that’s tainted by the media and what you think you should look like.<\/p>\n

* Career status and income<\/strong>. This is common in men who feel they don\u2019t have a good enough career or earn a good enough income. By whosestandards? It might have come from your parents someone you dated or comparing yourself to others. It’s usually not right!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 *Personality<\/strong>. Some folks think they can\u2019t compete with those who have fun personalities. People who are shy or not outgoing often put others in front of their desires to compensate for feeling boring or poor company. It’s usually you comparing you to other people.You are a unique person with your own personality, and that’s good!<\/p>\n

Past criticism<\/strong>. You may have been told that you\u2019ll never be \u201cgood enough\u201dby a family member who was trying to manipulate you or just being mean. Or you may have been put down by a romantic partner for not looking or acting \u201cgood enough.\u201d Leave the past in the past! Just because someone criticizes you doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s true, unless you choose to believe it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned that none of these things detract from you being \u201cgood enough.\u201d Being \u201cgood enough\u201d comes from inside. I\u2019ve fiound that most people who don\u2019t think they\u2019re \u201cgood enough\u201d for one of those types of reasons is a good person and is \u201cgood enough\u201d to have their needs matter. If you\u2019re a DoorMat or sacrifice your desires because you think you\u2019re not \u201cgood enough\u201d, ask yourself:<\/p>\n

* Am I a kind person?
\n*Do I treat people with respect and consideration?
\n*Do I feel grateful for what I have?
\n*Do I try to do my best?<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a good person, you are \u201cgood enough!\u201d If you\u2019re a good person, then you deserve the best, no matter what you look like, or how much money you make or what people told you in the past. The more you love yourself, the more you\u2019ll accept that. If you want to have a happy life, let go of any thoughts of not being \u201cgood enough\u201d.\u00a0 Trust me, you are good enough now in your own imperfect skin. You are a diamond in a world that judges everyone! Believe it with love!
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was a DoorMat, I let people walk all over me. I jumped to do favors for everyone. I agreed to do what other people wanted to do. Other people ran my life for me. All because I believed I wasn\u2019t “good enough” to get my own needs met. My belief came from feeling…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2,15],"tags":[945,43],"class_list":["post-5514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-nobein-good-enough","tag-people-pleasing"],"yoast_head":"\nGet Rid of Your \u201cNot Good Enoughs\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Get Rid of Your \u201cNot Good Enoughs\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When I was a DoorMat, I let people walk all over me. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5514"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5514\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5520,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5514\/revisions\/5520"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}