{"id":5497,"date":"2014-05-09T12:01:50","date_gmt":"2014-05-09T16:01:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5497"},"modified":"2014-05-05T20:48:51","modified_gmt":"2014-05-06T00:48:51","slug":"9-reasons-why-its-nice-to-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/9-reasons-why-its-nice-to-say-no.html","title":{"rendered":"9 Reasons Why Its\u2019 Nice to Say \u201cNO!\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"No\"<\/a>Many people are scared to say \u201cno because they were taught to be nice sand think it\u2019s not nice to turn people down. Both women and men say they feel obligated to agree to requests. Yet they don\u2019t like feeling that way! When I ask why they don\u2019t say \u201cno\u201d when they want to i9 hear versions of:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI want people to see me as a nice person.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI was brought up to be nice to everyone.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cGod wants me to be kind to everyone.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t want to lose my friends.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m scared the person I say \u2018no\u2019 to will get angry at me\u201d<\/p>\n

But there are many reasons that it\u2019s nice to say \u201cno\u201d\u2014nice to you!<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. You get more respect from others<\/strong>. When I was on Oprah, she asked the audience what they preferred\u2014being liked or being respected? Almost everyone chose liked. People like you more when you\u2019re agreeable! And colleagues will respect you more when you\u2019re not a pushover. You\u2019ll get approval for positive reasons by saying \u201cno\u201d when you feel it\u2019s best for you. And you\u2019ll earn respect.<\/p>\n

2. You get more respect from yourself<\/strong>. Being a people pleaser can make you feel badly about yourself and your inability to say \u201cno\u201d. People tell me they feel shame about always being acquiescent and giving. Saying \u201cno\u201d makes you feel good about you, and empowered!<\/p>\n

3. You have less negative emotions.<\/strong> Saying \u201cyes\u201d to everyone creates anger, frustration and disappointment about feeling used, taken for granted, or ignored when you need help. Those feelings are not nice! Saying \u201cno\u201d gives you less reason for having these emotions so you\u2019ll feel happier.<\/p>\n

4. You get to do less things that you don\u2019t want to do<\/strong>. If you hate volunteering, you don\u2019t have to. If you don\u2019t want to play chauffeur to everyone, you don\u2019t have to. Saying \u201cno\u201d gets you out of doing what you don\u2019t want to do.<\/p>\n

5. You\u2019ll feel powerful<\/strong>. When I began to say \u201cno\u201d, I felt uncomfortable and it wasn\u2019t well received. What I call poison word darts\u2014selfish, b*tch, etc\u2014were hurled at me when I turned down requests. I ran back to the \u201csecurity\u201d of being agreeable until I recognized the manipulation in their words and how unfair it was to call me names just for saying I couldn\u2019t help them. That was a powerful moment.<\/p>\n

6. You have more time for you<\/strong>. Saying \u201cno\u201d to someone says \u201dyes\u201d to your needs. The first time I told someone I couldn\u2019t help them, I was excited to have an evening for me. I enjoyed planning how to spend my time. It made me realize how important it was to say \u201cno\u201d and leave more time for me. We all deserve me-time!<\/p>\n

7. You\u2019ll have less stress<\/strong>. It can be stressful to try to fit in everyone\u2019s needs. And if you\u2019re tired you don\u2019t have to run to do what someone needs. So you\u2019ll have more time to relax.<\/p>\n

8.You learn who you\u2019re true friends are<\/strong>. You\u2019ll see who\u2019s friends with you for what you do for them and who likes you for you. A real friend still likes you if you don\u2019t jump to do what they ask for.\u00a0 People who you say \u201cno\u201d to may pull away from you but your real friends will accept your right to say \u201cno\u201d.<\/p>\n

9.You\u2019ll stop feeling like a DoorMat<\/strong>. DoorMats are scared to say \u201cno.\u201d it\u2019s a lousy feeling to feel like you get used and don\u2019t get support when you need it. Controlling how often you say \u201cyes\u201d can help you leave DoorMatville. It\u2019s s a grat feeling to take control of your need to please!<\/p>\n

If you want to start saying \u201cno\u201d more often, read my 10 Tips for Getting Comfortable Saying \u201cNO!\u201d<\/strong><\/a>
\nYou CAN do it! I was a scared wimp when I did and if I could get “no” out of my mouth, you can too! Each “no” will motivate the next one when you see how great it feels.
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Many people are scared to say \u201cno because they were taught to be nice sand think it\u2019s not nice to turn people down. Both women and men say they feel obligated to agree to requests. Yet they don\u2019t like feeling that way! 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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