{"id":5487,"date":"2014-05-05T01:50:21","date_gmt":"2014-05-05T05:50:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5487"},"modified":"2014-05-05T13:49:39","modified_gmt":"2014-05-05T17:49:39","slug":"do-you-lie-to-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/do-you-lie-to-yourself.html","title":{"rendered":"Do You Lie to Yourself?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"tongue\"<\/a>You know it\u2019s not good to lie yet often we lie to ourselves. That might sound ridiculous but we do. Some people may see it as deluding yourself but when you tell yourself something that you know isn\u2019t true, it\u2019s a lie, especially when a piece of you doesn\u2019t believe it, and you look for rationales to make it true. We often tell ourselves lies because we can\u2019t face the truth.<\/p>\n

Sometimes these lies are ingrained beliefs that we want to believe. DoorMats who try to please everyone often lie to themselves. For example:<\/p>\n

* \u201cEveryone likes me because I\u2019m so nice to them<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d I told myself that lie, even though I knew deep down that they probably just liked what I did for them. But telling myself that being a people pleaser meant that everyone liked me made me feel better.<\/p>\n

* \u201cI\u2019m a very nice person because I do so much for everyone.<\/strong><\/em>\u201d Ignoring your own needs to do for others isn\u2019t nice\u2014to you! It often makes you unhappy when your desires get put aside. Telling yourself that you\u2019re a nice person doesn\u2019t compensate.<\/p>\n

Accepting lame excuses from people about why they can\u2019t help you with what you need or why they hurt you or seemed to take advantage of you when you know they\u2019re lying is lying to yourself because you\u2019re afraid to challenge them and possibly lose someone.Lies can keep you in relationships with friends or romantic partners who you think you can\u2019t live without.<\/p>\n

*\u00a0 \u201cHe\/she doesn\u2019t mean to hurt me with criticism. He\/she wants to help me be a better person.\u201d We rarely believe that one but convince ourselves that it\u2019s true to avoid breaking up with someone we\u2019re in love with. So we lie to ourselves to tolerate verbal abuse, or worse.<\/p>\n

*\u00a0\u201cShe can\u2019t help always being late or he doesn\u2019t mean to always be short of cash when we go out.\u201d If he\/she is your only single friend you may be scared that if you make a fuss about it you may lose him\/her as a friend, and have no one to do activities with.<\/p>\n

Be careful about any lies you may tell yourself. They can keep you stuck in situations that aren\u2019t good for you. They can keep you from leaving a dead end job or convince you that you\u2019re not good enough for something you want but are scared to go after.<\/p>\n

Lying to yourself just holds you back. Your life can improve when you become honest with you. That allows you to see what needs to be changed and know you must fix it. Facing the truth motivated me to leave DoorMatville forever.\u00a0 I accepted that everyone didn\u2019t like me aside from what I did for them, and that was OK. It was more important to like myself and do what was best for me. Being honest with myself allowed my self-love to flourish. Love yourself enough to stop self-lies!
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You know it\u2019s not good to lie yet often we lie to ourselves. That might sound ridiculous but we do. Some people may see it as deluding yourself but when you tell yourself something that you know isn\u2019t true, it\u2019s a lie, especially when a piece of you doesn\u2019t believe it, and you look for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[934,380],"class_list":["post-5487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-lies","tag-people-pleasers"],"yoast_head":"\nDo You Lie to Yourself? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/do-you-lie-to-yourself.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do You Lie to Yourself? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You know it\u2019s not good to lie yet often we lie to ourselves. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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