{"id":5481,"date":"2014-05-02T12:01:27","date_gmt":"2014-05-02T16:01:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5481"},"modified":"2014-04-25T16:02:02","modified_gmt":"2014-04-25T20:02:02","slug":"courage-to-be-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/05\/courage-to-be-you.html","title":{"rendered":"Courage to Be You"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"fist\"<\/a>I grew up hearing about what females are \u201csupposed to do.\u201d My friends and I pretended we were brides when I was young. It was a goal we all aspired to achieve. We played with our dolls to practice being mothers\u2014another goal that we were taught to strive for. Boys were told they had to be good providers and keep their emotions in check, which can create a lot of pressure. Neither sex asked foe their \u201csupposed to dos\u201d but we got them anyway.<\/p>\n

I got married at twenty because I dated my husband all through college and our parents decided it was time. I hadn\u2019t lived yet or been on my own but I thought I was supposed to get married so I did. He was a teacher and I was pushed to be one too so we\u2019d have the same hours and vacations. So my twenties were spent teaching school, which I never wanted to do, and being a good wife. I felt like I\u2019d lost myself. DoorMats often feel this way.<\/p>\n

Both sexes are raised with beliefs about what they\u2019re \u201csupposed to\u201d go after. But just because something is the norm, doesn\u2019t mean you have to do it! You don\u2019t have to be a DoorMat and become part of a system that stereotypes men and women into adopting roles that are considered acceptable.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal to wasn\u2019t to live up to someone else\u2019s expectations\u2014your parents, your spouse, your teacher, etc. may think they know best for you, but what you do should be YOUR choice. Making your life based on what someone else wants for you is giving your life away. You only have one so own it!<\/p>\n

I know how hard it can be to get the courage to be true to you as I talked about in my post Why Do Friends Judge What Makes Me Happy?<\/strong><\/a> When you try to step out of the role you\u2019re expected to have people may judge or criticize you. Getting a negative response can make you run back to your old ways.<\/p>\n

Building self-love saved me. The more I loved me, the more I wanted to do what I thought would make me happy. I knew I deserved it! Eventually I burned the renewal form for my teaching license so I\u2019d have no choice but to reinvent myself. And I did. Loving me gave me the courage to be what I wanted to be. Following your passions is the best way to live, even if it means less money. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

* Am I happy doing what I\u2019m doing?
\n* What would make me happier?
\n* Would my life be better if I followed my heart?
\n* What\u2019s the worst that could happen if I try something new?
\n* Could I handle it?
\n* Is being true to me worth a possible backlash from friends and family?
\n* Do I deserve to be happy?<\/p>\n

I can answer the last one for you\u2014you do deserve to be happy! Try some smaller things to build your courage. As you make a change let your pleasure motivate courage to keep going. Love yourself enough to let the true you come out to play. It\u2019s your choice to live the way others want you or to own your life.\u00a0 After living in the shadow of other people\u2019s expectations for years, I can say from experience that living for you is the happiest kind of life.
\n***********<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I grew up hearing about what females are \u201csupposed to do.\u201d My friends and I pretended we were brides when I was young. It was a goal we all aspired to achieve. We played with our dolls to practice being mothers\u2014another goal that we were taught to strive for. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5481","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5481"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5481\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5484,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5481\/revisions\/5484"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5481"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5481"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}