{"id":5465,"date":"2014-04-25T12:01:35","date_gmt":"2014-04-25T16:01:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5465"},"modified":"2014-04-13T18:55:59","modified_gmt":"2014-04-13T22:55:59","slug":"question-why-do-friends-judge-what-makes-me-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/04\/question-why-do-friends-judge-what-makes-me-happy.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: Why Do Friends Judge What Makes Me Happy?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Question<\/a>A reader, who I\u2019ll call Sandy, wrote to say she was making progress with doing what she wanted but her friends and family continued too judge her choices. Sandy pared down her lifestyle so she could quit her good job (meaning money), which she hated, to work part time in a flower shop, which she enjoyed, and have more time to pursue her interests and she loved her life.. People questioned her decisions like she had done something wrong. She asked for advice about how to handle it.<\/p>\n

I went through that when I left DoorMatVille. People were so used to me the way I\u2019d been and felt like they were seeing a new person, which in a way I was. I\u2019d been a good girl who did what was expected of her. I became a teacher because I married one and I was pushed to do it. After years of living for everyone else, I wanted to own my life. I had been bored for years. So I got divorced.<\/p>\n

Around that time I\u00a0 took a dare from my students who said that a white woman couldn\u2019t rap. It stimulated my creative juices and motivated me to prove to the kids not to let their color or sex stop them from pursuing their dreams. It led to me becoming the first white female rapper and one of the first the first women to start a record label.<\/p>\n

I was happy but many people thought I\u2019d lost my mind. It can be hard for people to relate to what they\u2019ve never desired or experienced. Most people would be scared to cut back on income like Sandy and I did. When you live on a traditional path going in a different direction can seem scary, or wrong.<\/p>\n

When I was rapping, my family was confused. My mom didn\u2019t know how to explain my career to her friends and kept suggesting that I return to teaching. No way! I was happy doing music. But even when I said that to critics, they couldn\u2019t understand how I could be happy living without a steady income. I was doing something that seemed crazy to them. Sandy\u2019s people felt the same way. Since living sparsely seemed too hard for them, they questioned why she\u2019d do it.
\nIn a situation like this, you have to accept that it\u2019 OK for people not to understand,, since they may never, no matter how happy you say you are. Have some pat answers ready, such as:<\/p>\n

* \u201cI\u2019m very happy with my life, are you?<\/em>\u201d I get a lot of confused looks when I ask this. Often the ones questioning your lifestyle aren\u2019t happy.<\/p>\n

* \u201cI made choices that work for me. I\u2019d appreciate your accepting that.\u201d<\/em> If they continue to argue their point, just say you refuse to keep defending your\u00a0 choices, and shouldn\u2019t have to.<\/p>\n

* \u201cWhy do you keep questioning me? I don\u2019t question why you stay in a job you don\u2019t like, just for the money<\/em>.\u201d if they ignore this question, add,<\/p>\n

* \u201cI\u2019d appreciate your letting me live my life in ways that I love without being challenged<\/em>.\u201d Or<\/p>\n

* \u201cI\u2019m happy . do you not relate or understand what that means?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s your life so you shouldn\u2019t have to defend it. Many people who question what you do are jealous because they\u2019re not doing what makes them happy. Just keep enjoying the life you\u2019ve chosen and don\u2019t get into discussions about how and why you can live the way you do. Just keep reiterating that you\u2019re happy and refuse to defend it.
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader, who I\u2019ll call Sandy, wrote to say she was making progress with doing what she wanted but her friends and family continued too judge her choices. 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