{"id":5452,"date":"2014-04-18T12:01:09","date_gmt":"2014-04-18T16:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5452"},"modified":"2014-04-07T13:54:07","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T17:54:07","slug":"shutting-yakkers-up-nicely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/04\/shutting-yakkers-up-nicely.html","title":{"rendered":"Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever j\"mouth\"<\/a>ust wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I\u2019d just smile and let them go on and on. I\u2019d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling\u2014SHUT UP!<\/p>\n

I\u2019d go to get my haircut, looking forward to reading my book while under the dryer but the woman next to me would grab my ear and not let go. Or I\u2019d go for a relaxing massage and the person giving it to me would chat about her problems as I tried to chill out, which ruined a lot of the pleasure. Yet in my DoorMat days, I never thought to let the person know I didn\u2019t want to have a conversation. It seemed polite to listen. I never considered that I had the right to silence and it wasn\u2019t just about the other person. Back then everyone else was more important than me.<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s not in the constitution we all have the right to silence.<\/p>\n

There are a lot of yakkety yakkers out there, looking for someone to yak to. The worst can be when someone begins to talk your ears off when you\u2019re stuck and can\u2019t just walk away, like during a haircut or on an airplane. Depending on who it is, sometimes I\u2019m fine with chatting when I\u2019m in the chair. But there are times when I don\u2019t want to listen to the person\u2019s problems or opinions. Have you experienced this? You can nicely explain you need quiet by being straightforward:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI was looking forward to sitting in peace after a hectic week.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201c I know you\u2019ll understand I just want to chill and rest my brain.\u201d<\/p>\n

My biggest issue is when I go to a caf\u00e9 or to my little park in the summer with my laptop, and strangers come over to ask questions about my computer or are interested in what I\u2019m writing. That used to drive me crazy as I\u2019d be sucked into a conversation with someone who was bored and wanting someone to talk to when I\u2019d come to write. After a few of those incidents, I now tell the person that I hope they understand that I came to have a quiet place to write and can\u2019t talk. Usually they take it well.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not obligated to listen to anyone who you didn\u2019t purposely meet up with to socialize. On a plane, if someone babbles, I smile, open a magazine or my laptop or put on headphones. It\u2019s not rude to not talk to a stranger. They\u2019re rude to insist. Uncomfortable situations call for polite boundaries. Sometimes you can give someone a message by not paying attention to them putting your attention into what you\u2019re reading or your electronic device. Sometimes it needs to be spelled out that you don\u2019t want to talk.<\/p>\n

I once went for lunch with my laptop to work on a project and wanted to be alone. My waiter was chatty. It was an off-hour so he might have been bored. I politely said I wasn\u2019t in the mood to talk. He continued, asking why a pretty woman like me was sitting by myself. When I said I needed to get work done and that required silence, he just laughed and kept chatting. So I gently asked him to please do his job\u2014take my order and nothing else. He got an attitude but shut up. Sometimes there\u2019s no nice way to shut people up. It\u2019s your choice to put up with it or let them know you\u2019re not going to chat.<\/p>\n

The latter feels great once you get over the discomfort of feeling you might not seem polite by not engaging in a conversation. I call it self-empowerment!
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I\u2019d just smile and let them go on and on. I\u2019d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[925,926],"class_list":["post-5452","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-self-impowerment","tag-sutting-people-up"],"yoast_head":"\nShutting Yakkers Up Nicely - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5452","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5452"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5452\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5453,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5452\/revisions\/5453"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5452"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5452"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5452"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}