{"id":5442,"date":"2014-04-14T12:01:08","date_gmt":"2014-04-14T16:01:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5442"},"modified":"2014-04-04T11:31:20","modified_gmt":"2014-04-04T15:31:20","slug":"cant-vs-dont-want-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/04\/cant-vs-dont-want-to.html","title":{"rendered":"Can\u2019t vs. Don\u2019t Want To"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Photo<\/a>
Photo by singhajay via morguefile<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it\u2019s done unconsciously. But it\u2019s important to be aware of excuses you make for not doing something. Your words can keep you from taking responsibility for your choices. For example, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d usually means a version of \u201cI don\u2019t want to,\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easier to say \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d but harder to say \u201cI don\u2019t want to.\u201d \u201dI can\u2019t\u201c kind of gets you off the hook. \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d implies that there\u2019s a reason. \u201cI don\u2019t want to.\u201d makes you the reason. For example, you may be asked to do something that sounds hard or tedious. Your automatic response may be \u201dI can\u2019t do it.\u201c\u00a0 but deep down you just may not want to try. So \u201dI can\u2019t\u201c becomes a cop-out.<\/p>\n

Pay attention when you say, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d when asked to do something. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Do I just don\u2019t want to do it?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Am I afraid to try?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Does it seem too hard to consider?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Does it sound unpleasant?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get into a habit of saying, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d as a substitute for the truth. At least be honest with yourself about why you can\u2019t. Just because you don\u2019t want to try, doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t. Just because it seems hard, doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t. Just because it sounds unpleasant doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t. Sometimes when you stop the \u201cI can\u2019ts” you might discover you can get past the obstacle that makes you say, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d. If you don\u2019t want to try take responsibility instead of copping out.<\/p>\n

Empower yourself by owning your feelings. Figure out what scares you or makes you not wan\u2019t to try and try to find a way through it. You CAN do anything you choose to so put some thought into your choices!
\n************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it\u2019s done unconsciously. But it\u2019s important to be aware of excuses you make for not doing something. Your words can keep you from taking responsibility for your choices. For example, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d usually means a version of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5442","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence"],"yoast_head":"\nCan\u2019t vs. Don\u2019t Want To - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/04\/cant-vs-dont-want-to.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can\u2019t vs. Don\u2019t Want To - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We often use words incorrectly. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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