{"id":5399,"date":"2014-03-28T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2014-03-28T16:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5399"},"modified":"2014-03-19T14:42:51","modified_gmt":"2014-03-19T18:42:51","slug":"imperfectly-pleasing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/imperfectly-pleasing.html","title":{"rendered":"Imperfectly Pleasing"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Photo
Photo by Daylle<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

DoorMats go out of their way to please everyone, trying to be a perfect people pleaser. That\u2019s what I did when I lived in DoorMatville. I was always trying to be the perfect little pleaser to insure that everyone would like me. But I finallyrealized that I didn\u2019t get the pleasure from pleasing everyone that Ithought I would.<\/p>\n

People took advantage of me, which made me feel bad. And it was stressful to always be worried about other people. If my efforts to be perfect didn\u2019t please someone, it got frustrating. So I was unhappy a lot as I strove to be perfect at pleasing people.<\/p>\n

As I began to leave DoorMatville I recognized I didn\u2019t have to be a perfect little pleaser anymore to gain acceptance from others and the most important person to get acceptance from is me. It was an interesting discovery that was triggered by beginning to love myself. The more I wanted to be kind to me, the more my focus switched off of being a perfect people pleaser.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m imperfectly pleasing. I try to help others when I can but people know I may say \u201cno\u201d to requests, which is OK. My real friends accept that. The people I don\u2019t need in my life may not. When you become imperfect, you learn who your real friends.<\/p>\n

Since achieving perfection is impossible, trying to be a perfect pleaser will eventually backfire in the sense it won\u2019t make you feel the security you hope for. One mistake can make you feel like a loser. Disappointing someone can scare you. Jumping for everyone\u2019s needs can exhaust you. And worst of all, being a perfect pleaser usually means not pleasing yourself, which isn\u2019t the perfect way to please.<\/p>\n

In order to be happy, it\u2019s important to make pleasing yourself your number one priority. I may be imperfectly pleasing if I turn someone down in order to do something for me or because it\u2019s something I just don\u2019t want to do. Accepting that it\u2019s OK to be imperfectly perfect is relaxing since you\u2019re not always having to be ready to jump when someone calls.<\/p>\n

Give yourself permission to not have to be perfect about pleasing others. Begin to love yourself enough to not burden yourself with that task. Of course you shouldn\u2019t try to be perfect about how you treat yourself too. Begin to set boundaries on what you do for others. Practice saying, \u201cno\u201d to what you don\u2019t want to do. Love yourself enough to accept yourself as imperfect Take the SLM\u2019s pledge to start 2014 with 32 days of self-love. Make one of those things dropping the need for perfection about making other happy. Make yourself happy!<\/p>\n

Write down in a place you can see it, “I must make myself #1 in my life.”<\/strong> Then you can be the best kind of imperfectly perfect.
\n*************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DoorMats go out of their way to please everyone, trying to be a perfect people pleaser. That\u2019s what I did when I lived in DoorMatville. I was always trying to be the perfect little pleaser to insure that everyone would like me. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5399"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5399\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5402,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5399\/revisions\/5402"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}