{"id":539,"date":"2011-03-07T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2011-03-07T12:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/03\/whats-there.html"},"modified":"2011-03-07T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2011-03-07T12:01:00","slug":"whats-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/03\/whats-there.html","title":{"rendered":"What’s “There”?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Thumbnail<\/a><\/span>I ask people if they’re happy with their lives and they often say they’re not “there” yet. Life will be better when they get “there.” I’ve asked what “there” means and get evasive answers. I don’t think they quite know either. What they do know is that they’re not happy or satisfied with life now. So “there” represents a place where they find contentment.<\/b><\/p>\n

That sounds fine, except that if you aren’t happy on the inside, you’ll probably never get “there.”<\/p>\n

I’ve figured out that “there” is that wishful thinking place of happiness. It’s the place you believe that you get to when you lose the amount of weight you believe will give you the perfect body, or when you have “enough” money to feel good, or when you are in a committed relationship with someone you labeled Mr.\/Ms Right, or whatever else you’ve been led to believe that <\/b>you must have before you can be happy.<\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat, I was never “there.” I didn’t know what that meant exactly but I knew it would mean I wasn’t in DoorMatville anymore. I just knew I longed to be happy. Most people do. And “there” represents the situation or place or person they believe will make it happen. “There” is an elusive goal that’s looked to as the place that will bring happiness<\/b>. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.<\/p>\n

The only “there” that will bring you to a happy place is accepting you as you are right now<\/b> and loving yourself.<\/p>\n

It’s critical to understand this in order to be happy. The elusive “there” will never come if you look outside yourself to get “there.”<\/b> You may lose the 20 pounds you wanted off BUT still not like your body or think that it’s enough. I heard from a woman who finally reached her goal weight after 10 years of trying. Yet instead of feeling grand about it, she immediately said she wasn’t “there” yet, because losing all the weight left some saggy skin. So she saved up for surgery to take care of it and afterward, found something else that wasn’t right. She’s still waiting to get “there” and is still unhappy.<\/p>\n

Once you get what you thought was “there” and discover you’re still not happy, you might create another “there” that you must get to before being happy.<\/p>\n

There’s always more to look to have on the horizon. The trouble is, it often is never enough. When you get that promotion, more seems better. You love your house or car but want to get a nicer one before you consider yourself “there.” As you make more money, you spend more, and it’s still not enough to save for a good retirement or your kids’ college or whatever other things you believe you need to be “there.” There’s always a new tech toy or cosmetic procedure or car or vacation destination that will keep you waiting to be “there.”<\/p>\n

You will never get “there”–to a place of contentment–until you love yourself enough to be happy as you are<\/b>.<\/p>\n

I’ve talked to people who were doing super well but instead of owning it, said they weren’t “there” yet. That kind of attitude about waiting to get “there” shows a lack of gratitude<\/b> for what you have<\/b>—that you’re waiting for more of something before you feel content<\/b>. Real contentment comes from inside. You can be content and still not have the money or weight or anything else you’d like. Even when money is tight, I’m very content, because I am “there”–loving me for who I am and what I have, not waiting for what I can get. <\/p>\n

Being “there” inside is so much more joyous, relaxing, and satisfying than feeling discontent about not being “there” yet.<\/p>\n

If you use “there” or some other word that refers to that elusive place of contentment you seek, think about what you want? To chase material things and perfection or to be happy? To love chasing happiness or to love you? As kids we tend to ask “Are we there yet?” when taking a long car ride. In those situations, you know the destination and that you’ll get there. Make today’s destination happiness. The fuel to get it is to build self-love and appreciate all that you have right now<\/b>. Then everything else is gravy.<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/b><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/b> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/b> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/b>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I ask people if they’re happy with their lives and they often say they’re not “there” yet. Life will be better when they get “there.” I’ve asked what “there” means and get evasive answers. I don’t think they quite know either. 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