{"id":5349,"date":"2014-03-10T12:01:09","date_gmt":"2014-03-10T16:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5349"},"modified":"2014-03-02T21:27:26","modified_gmt":"2014-03-03T02:27:26","slug":"taking-care-of-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/taking-care-of-1.html","title":{"rendered":"Taking care of #1"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"doormat\"<\/a>When I was a DoorMat I eventually got tired of feeling like I was last in line to get my needs met so I ben to put my own needs first when people asked for favors. \u00a0Needless to say, it wasn’t well received, and I got accused of having PMS, and being a b*tch, jerk, selfish, among others. \u00a0But I knew I was none of those names and kept on going! \u00a0I began setting my own standards of what was acceptable and unacceptable.<\/p>\n

We must be conscious not to go in the other direction. Sometimes when we finally decide to stop being a DoorMat, our anger at the way we’ve been treated in the past makes us actually act like real b*tches and jerks. I went that route for a while, not being nice to anyone\u00a0I got more but people didn\u2019t like me. More importantly, I didn\u2019t like me. So I learned methods for being nice while still taking care of me. Save your energy for positives.<\/p>\n

You can still be nice and get your needs met. \u00a0I’m very nice, but only to those who deserve it. I treat everyone with respect, but only people who earn my favors get them. Be selective when responding to each person individually.\u00a0When asked for something, I ask myself:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0“Is this right \/convenient for me?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Does she deserve it?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Do I want to go out of my way fort him?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Do I want togive up my time?<\/p>\n

If the answer is “no,” choose not to do it. \u00a0You owe nobody explanations. A simple “it’s not convenient for me,” or “I can’t do it” is sufficient. But be flexible when it’s not inconvenient. \u00a0If you’re going out and asked for a lift, if it’s on your way there’s no harm in saying, “yes.” \u00a0But drop them along your route instead of at their precise destination.<\/p>\n

Be positive in your approach to life. \u00a0I truly believe with all my heart that we attract what we give out. \u00a0A negative attitude will attract negative people. Avoid being with negative people. \u00a0Positive vibes fulfill our joys so much more.<\/p>\n

The way you treat yourself reflects on the way others see and treat you. \u00a0People treat you as you allow them to. \u00a0If you act like a DoorMat, people will treat you as one. \u00a0By respecting yourself and expecting to be treated well, people will see it in your attitude. \u00a0Be good to yourself and others will follow your lead! Set boundaries and folks will stop turning to you for their needs and the invisible \u201dWelcome\u201d on your forehead goes away!
\n*************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was a DoorMat I eventually got tired of feeling like I was last in line to get my needs met so I ben to put my own needs first when people asked for favors. \u00a0Needless to say, it wasn’t well received, and I got accused of having PMS, and being a b*tch, jerk,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[897,154,896,380,444],"class_list":["post-5349","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-being-1","tag-doormats","tag-making-yourself-a-prioority","tag-people-pleasers","tag-setting-boundaries"],"yoast_head":"\nTaking care of #1 - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Taking care of #1 - 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5349","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5349"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5349\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5351,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5349\/revisions\/5351"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5349"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5349"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5349"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}