{"id":5325,"date":"2014-03-03T12:01:57","date_gmt":"2014-03-03T17:01:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5325"},"modified":"2014-02-17T22:06:55","modified_gmt":"2014-02-18T03:06:55","slug":"could-vs-should","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html","title":{"rendered":"\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"roadblock\"<\/a>Recently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.\u00a0 At first she was excited but then she said she \u201cshould\u201d stay home and get her laundry done. There it was, the pleasure-buster word\u2014\u201cshould\u201d\u2014the one that cancels out the choices we want to make. I told her she \u201ccould\u201d stay home o do the laundry or she \u201ccould\u201d go to the show and do laundry tomorrow. I could hear her smiling on the other end as she said, \u201cSince you put it that way, I\u2019ll join you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thinking you \u201cshould\u201d do something is often a roadblock to doing what you\u2019d really like to do.\u00a0 Most \u201cshoulds\u201d are things you\u2019d rather not do:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019d love to stay home from work on the holiday but I should go in since I\u2019d get a lot done with no one there.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201dI need a day for myself but should spend it with my mother.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI want to go to the beach for my vacation but should go where my husband wants to go.\u201d
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI\u2019d love to go out on this gorg4ous day but should stay home and do chores.\u201d<\/p>\n

Do you recognize yourself in any of these? \u201cShould\u201d is a self-imposed rule that we use to guilt ourselves out of doing something we\u2019d like. That\u2019s not loving! My friend was so happy that she went with me to the show and her laundry eventually go one too. When you change \u201cshould to \u201ccould\u201d you give yourself a choice:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019d love to stay home from work on the holiday but I could go in since I\u2019d get a lot done with no one there.\u201d You could also enjoy the day of you\u2019re entitled to have. Ask yourself, which is more important, your work or a chance to get much needed rest or some pleasure?<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201dI need a day for myself but could spend it with my mother.\u201d Your mother may enjoy time with you but you deserve me time. Your mother will survive if you take the day for you.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI want to go to the beach for my vacation but should go where my husband wants to go.\u201d And you could let him know you’d like your preference. You count!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019d love to go out on this gorgeous day but could stay home and do chores.\u201d Do what you’d rather do. Life is meant to be enjoyed.<\/p>\n

Think in terms of could so you give yourself a reasonable shot at doing what you’d prefer–guilt-free. Don\u2019t be your own self-imposed roadblock! Love yourself enough to cut yourself slack.
\n*************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.\u00a0 At first she was excited but then she said she \u201cshould\u201d stay home and get her laundry done. There it was, the pleasure-buster word\u2014\u201cshould\u201d\u2014the one that cancels…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2,15],"tags":[322,889],"class_list":["post-5325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-choices","tag-choosing-for-you"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Recently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.\u00a0 At first she was excited but then she said she \u201cshould\u201d stay home and get her laundry done. There it was, the pleasure-buster word\u2014\u201cshould\u201d\u2014the one that cancels…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-03-03T17:01:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-02-18T03:06:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/roadblock-225x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Recently I got free tickets to a show at the last minute and called a friend who I thought would enjoy it to invite her to join me.\u00a0 At first she was excited but then she said she \u201cshould\u201d stay home and get her laundry done. There it was, the pleasure-buster word\u2014\u201cshould\u201d\u2014the one that cancels…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2014-03-03T17:01:57+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-02-18T03:06:55+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/roadblock-225x300.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html","name":"\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/roadblock-225x300.jpg","datePublished":"2014-03-03T17:01:57+00:00","dateModified":"2014-02-18T03:06:55+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/roadblock-225x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/roadblock-225x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/03\/could-vs-should.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"\u201cCould\u201d vs. \u201cShould\u201d"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5325"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5325\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5338,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5325\/revisions\/5338"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}