{"id":5308,"date":"2014-02-17T12:01:40","date_gmt":"2014-02-17T17:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5308"},"modified":"2014-02-14T12:58:56","modified_gmt":"2014-02-14T17:58:56","slug":"doing-good-vs-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/doing-good-vs-you.html","title":{"rendered":"Doing Good vs. You"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"LOVE<\/a>Sometimes you have to make a choice between what\u2019s best for someone else and what\u2019s best for you. You may want to do what you see as \u201dthe right\u201d thing for someone even if it goes against what you\u2019d like. People pleasers have an easier time putting themselves last, which hurts your self-love and happiness. When I was a DoorMat everyone came before me. I was determined to fulfill whatever someone needed, even if doing so wasn\u2019t what I needed. But when you decide to let self-love rule your choices, you can allow yourself to come first in your choices. That will bring you so much more joy.<\/p>\n

One of my clients, who I\u2019ll call Denise, worked with Lena, a very kind older woman who had a lot of struggles in her life. Denise felt sorry for her and loaned her a spiritual book. Lena was helped by it and kept thanking Denise for loaning it to her. Denise told her she could keep it. Year later Lena passed away and her daughter stopped by her office. She said Lena had asked her to return the book. Denise cried as she thumbed through it and saw Lena\u2019s notes on some of the pages. She felt so good knowing how much Lena got from the book. Having Len\u2019s notes was special to her\u2014a wonderful memory of someone she liked and missed.<\/p>\n

As Denise shared her joy in having the book, she confessed that she was going to give it to Lena\u2019s daughter. I asked why? She thought she might appreciate having it. I immediately countered that it might not mean much to the daughter but it meant a lot to Denise. Why choose the daughter over herself. Denise lit up, like I\u2019d given her permission to keep the book. She agreed to do so. She learned a lesson that day\u2014to choose herself in most cases.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to not go overboard about making others happy. I used to lend people books and other things and never get them back, even when I asked for them. Now I don\u2019t jump to loan things and if I do, I write down the date and who I\u2019m loaning it to. I ask when it will be returned and make it clear I\u2019ll expect it back. Some people borrow and forget where they got it from. I had a book I loved and could never remember what happened to it. I felt bad because I wanted to read it again. Years later a friend who lives out of town emailed to ask if I wanted the book back. She’d had it for maybe 10 years. I said yes and she mailed it back. I refrained from asking why she thought it was OK to keep it for so long.<\/p>\n

Now I make me happy. I still like making others happy. That\u2019s good! But not at your expense. Think before you take action on a decision that\u2019s not in your favor. Some people deserve it, some don\u2019t. Make sure you feel good about what you do, and that it doesn\u2019t come with a negative for you.<\/p>\n

Always remember\u2014you deserve your best!
\n************<\/strong><\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes you have to make a choice between what\u2019s best for someone else and what\u2019s best for you. You may want to do what you see as \u201dthe right\u201d thing for someone even if it goes against what you\u2019d like. People pleasers have an easier time putting themselves last, which hurts your self-love and happiness.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2,15],"tags":[43,27,885],"class_list":["post-5308","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-people-pleasing","tag-self-love","tag-self-sacrificing"],"yoast_head":"\nDoing Good vs. You - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/doing-good-vs-you.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Doing Good vs. You - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sometimes you have to make a choice between what\u2019s best for someone else and what\u2019s best for you. You may want to do what you see as \u201dthe right\u201d thing for someone even if it goes against what you\u2019d like. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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