{"id":5303,"date":"2014-02-13T12:01:49","date_gmt":"2014-02-13T17:01:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5303"},"modified":"2014-02-11T21:55:12","modified_gmt":"2014-02-12T02:55:12","slug":"building-more-meaningful-friendships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/building-more-meaningful-friendships.html","title":{"rendered":"Building More Meaningful Friendships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Dawna<\/a>Studies show that having good friends can be healthy for you. Yet these days, with people spending more time adding \u201cfriends\u201d to their Facebook page, personal connections don\u2019t get the attention they should have. Today my guest is Dawna Hetzler<\/strong><\/a>, who owns a real estate firm and is an author and speaker. She\u2019s the author of the new book, W<\/a><\/strong>alls of a Warrior: Conquering the Fears of Our Hearts<\/strong><\/a>. She\u2019s also a Bible study teacher and speaker for Stonecroft Ministries. She wrote \u201cW<\/a><\/strong>alls of a Warrior<\/strong><\/a> based on her experiences with Jericho Girls \u2013 a group of women who meets to discuss the walls they build around their hearts that inhibit relationships with others.<\/p>\n

3 Ways to Develop More Meaningful Friendships<\/strong>
\nNew Study Finds We\u2019re Suffering a National Friendship Crisis<\/em>
\nBy Dawna Hetzler<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Most Americans (75 percent!) are not satisfied with their friendships; 63 percent lack confidence in even their closest friends; and almost half of us would choose to have deeper friendships rather than more friends. Those are the findings from The State of Friendship in America 2013, an expansive survey by Lifeboat Friends at Their Best and Sea Change Strategies and Edge Research.<\/p>\n

Strong, trusting friendships are crucial to our sense of peace, happiness and well-being. But many of us, women in particular, build so many walls around our hearts to protect ourselves, we can never open ourselves to all the possible relationships we could have. Or, we do allow some people in, but we keep them at arm\u2019s length.\"Walls-cover_c\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Strong friendships do make us happier, according to the survey. Forty-nine percent of people with seven or more close friends strongly agreed that they feel happy most of the time, while only 24 percent of people with just one good friend, and 19 percent with no friends, could say the same. But opening yourself to friendships can be difficult; you have to know and trust a person before you allow them into your heart, because once you open yourself up, you become vulnerable.<\/p>\n

We all build walls to protect ourselves from hurt, fear, rejection, disapproval and other painful emotions, and that\u2019s natural. Some walls are healthy. But the invisible walls we\u2019re often not even aware of prevent us from experiencing the honest, real relationships that can benefit us in so many ways.<\/p>\n

Here are a few things I learned from working with Jericho Girls, the women\u2019s group I created so we could help each other dismantle unhealthy walls:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0First, identify the walls you have<\/strong>.\u00a0 We build walls in response to many things \u2013 real and perceived threats, fears, conditioning, rejection. Many of us put up walls to hide our weaknesses; if you have trouble asking for help, this may be you! Jericho Girls members learned that acknowledging and being honest about their weaknesses allowed them to grow stronger. And that asking for help from friends offers those friends the gratification of giving. Making a list of your walls and understanding why they\u2019re there is a good place to start the process.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0If the wall is unhealthy, identify the steps necessary to dismantle it<\/strong>. Sometimes we erect walls to protect ourselves from ourselves. One of my walls revolved around being needed too much. I tend to take on a lot, then exhaust myself getting it all done. I realized I had built a wall to prevent people from seeing that I really cannot do it all, and I pushed away those I feared might demand too much of my time and energy. I dealt with that wall by setting limits with myself and others: I say no when I need to, which allows me to build friendships instead of pushing people away.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Arm yourself with words of inspiration<\/strong>. \u00a0Powerful words help when we need positive reinforcement or reassurance when the way ahead looks scary. I found that calling upon a quotation I believe in provides both. Write down the quotes, Bible verses or other inspiration that have great meaning for you. Each day, read one, reflect upon the meaning, pray or meditate, and contemplate the message it holds for you. These words will stick with you, and you\u2019ll have them to call upon when you need them.<\/p>\n

Creating deeper, honest friendships begins with opening our hearts to others. When you begin taking down the walls, you\u2019ll find you\u2019re more at peace with yourself. And that allows you to develop the wonderful relationships that come from trust and sharing.
\n*************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Studies show that having good friends can be healthy for you. Yet these days, with people spending more time adding \u201cfriends\u201d to their Facebook page, personal connections don\u2019t get the attention they should have. Today my guest is Dawna Hetzler, who owns a real estate firm and is an author and speaker. She\u2019s the author…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[881,45,882],"class_list":["post-5303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-happiness","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-dawna-hetzler","tag-friendship","tag-meaningful-friendships"],"yoast_head":"\nBuilding More Meaningful Friendships - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/building-more-meaningful-friendships.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Building More Meaningful Friendships - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Studies show that having good friends can be healthy for you. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5303","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5303"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5307,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5303\/revisions\/5307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}