{"id":5300,"date":"2014-02-20T12:01:31","date_gmt":"2014-02-20T17:01:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5300"},"modified":"2014-02-13T18:49:41","modified_gmt":"2014-02-13T23:49:41","slug":"soothing-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html","title":{"rendered":"Soothing Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Tina<\/a>What do you do when you get anxious? Do you work yourself up and make yourself feel worse? Or are you loving to you? My guest today has a technique you can try. Tina Gilbertson<\/strong><\/a> is a psychotherapist in Portland, Oregon Here is her suggestions for soothing yourself:<\/p>\n

How to Soothe\u00a0Yourself<\/strong>
\nby\u00a0Tina Gilbertson<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a way to soothe anxiety that doesn\u2019t stunt your emotional growth. Whenever I\u2019ve had a difficult conversation with someone important to me, or even an unpleasant interaction with a stranger,\u00a0 I tend to feel a little queasy emotionally. If I pay attention, I usually find I\u2019m feeling anxious in some way about what happened. Did I say or do the wrong thing? Did I do damage? Should I have done x, y or z instead?<\/p>\n

The technique I\u2019m about to describe is what I use to calm myself without stuffing my feelings and creating bigger problems over time. Try it and tell me if it works for you, too.<\/p>\n

Simple Soothing Technique<\/strong>
\nThis works equally well whether you\u2019re\u00a0anxious about something that already happened, or worried\/scared about something that\u2019s coming up in the future.<\/p>\n

1. Pay attention to the place in your body where the anxiety seems to be. <\/strong>For me, it often shows up high in my torso, around my heart. For you, it might be in your belly, your legs or your pinky toes. It could be anywhere. Once you locate the feeling,<\/p>\n

2. Picture your child-self there<\/strong>. See yourself when you were a child, and imagine that child living inside you where the fear is. Now imagine enfolding the child within you with an inner hug, and<\/p>\n

3. Speak soothing words to the child<\/strong>. Tell him or her what happened or is going to happen. Explain things as you would to a child, using feeling words. For example: \u201cYou and Margaret had harsh words. Now you feel weird about talking to her at all. You\u2019re scared she won\u2019t want to be your friend anymore.\u201d If you listen to your heart you\u2019ll know exactly how the child is feeling \u2013 score! \u2013 so you can\u2019t get it wrong.<\/p>\n

With great compassion, you might also say things like this to your child:
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0It\u2019s okay to be scared\/lonely\/angry\/regretful\/etc.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0The danger has passed now.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0We can\u2019t know what will happen.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0When you\u2019re ready, we\u2019ll see what we can do about it together.<\/p>\n

He or she needs to be held and soothed while you\u2019re explaining things. Let there be no ridicule or disapproval in your speech or thoughts toward your child self. Here are the kinds of things you might say, in a loving voice:
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019m here for you.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I love you.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019ll protect you.<\/p>\n

If it\u2019s\u00a0 hard to find compassion toward your child self, try to remember that the child isn\u2019t foolish or bad. The child is merely young, innocent and afraid.<\/p>\n

What It Can Do For You: <\/strong>This technique of soothing the child self by allowing, validating and soothing internally does several good things:
\n1.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0It helps you pause and take stock of how you feel \u2013 a step that\u2019s easy to miss while you\u2019re figuring out what to do about a situation.
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0It enhances your relationship with yourself, and therefore your ability to trust yourself as well as others.
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0It makes you feel stronger, because you\u2019re not so alone
\n4.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0It encourages you make sense of troubling feelings (instead of pushing them away), which in itself is healing.<\/p>\n

Do you have something you use to soothe yourself when you feel anxious?
\n*************<\/p>\n

Join The Self-Love Movement\u2122!<\/strong><\/a> Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days<\/strong>.<\/strong>\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>. Watch the video<\/strong><\/a> made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What do you do when you get anxious? Do you work yourself up and make yourself feel worse? Or are you loving to you? My guest today has a technique you can try. Tina Gilbertson is a psychotherapist in Portland, Oregon Here is her suggestions for soothing yourself: How to Soothe\u00a0Yourself by\u00a0Tina Gilbertson\u00a0 Here\u2019s a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[27,883],"class_list":["post-5300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","tag-self-love","tag-tina-gilbertson"],"yoast_head":"\nSoothing Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Soothing Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What do you do when you get anxious? Do you work yourself up and make yourself feel worse? Or are you loving to you? My guest today has a technique you can try. Tina Gilbertson is a psychotherapist in Portland, Oregon Here is her suggestions for soothing yourself: How to Soothe\u00a0Yourself by\u00a0Tina Gilbertson\u00a0 Here\u2019s a…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-02-20T17:01:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-02-13T23:49:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/Tina-Gilbertson.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Soothing Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Soothing Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"What do you do when you get anxious? Do you work yourself up and make yourself feel worse? Or are you loving to you? My guest today has a technique you can try. Tina Gilbertson is a psychotherapist in Portland, Oregon Here is her suggestions for soothing yourself: How to Soothe\u00a0Yourself by\u00a0Tina Gilbertson\u00a0 Here\u2019s a…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2014-02-20T17:01:31+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-02-13T23:49:41+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/Tina-Gilbertson.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html","name":"Soothing Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/Tina-Gilbertson.jpg","datePublished":"2014-02-20T17:01:31+00:00","dateModified":"2014-02-13T23:49:41+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/Tina-Gilbertson.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2014\/02\/Tina-Gilbertson.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2014\/02\/soothing-yourself.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Soothing Yourself"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? 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