{"id":508,"date":"2011-01-22T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2011-01-22T12:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/01\/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself.html"},"modified":"2011-01-22T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2011-01-22T12:01:00","slug":"stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/01\/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself.html","title":{"rendered":"Stop Being So Hard On Yourself!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"amy-christine.png\"<\/a><\/span>Today is Day 22 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month<\/a><\/b> with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love.<\/p>\n

I’m delighted to have Christine Arylo<\/b> & Amy Ahlers<\/b>, co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School<\/a>, as my guests today. While the article is slanted toward women, I guarantee most of you guys have an inner mean guy inside your head that criticizes you in ways that block self-love and happiness so you can learn from this too! <\/p>\n

It’s time to temper those thoughts and be your own worst enemy. Being your worst critic kills self love! Beware of those thoughts. Christine and Amy have a program to help stop the negative ones. Here’s what they have to say:<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

Stop Being So Hard On Yourself!
by Christine Arylo & Amy Ahlers<\/b><\/div>\n

“You should be able to get more done in a day.”?<\/p>\n

“Why aren’t you as good as her?”?<\/p>\n

“Shouldn’t you be farther along by now?”<\/i>?<\/p>\n

Recognize that voice? Some call it the Inner Critic. But the truth, those words are way more personal. This is the voice of your Inner Mean Girl. She’s negative. She’s catty. She’s judgmental. She compares your worst to everyone else’s best.<\/b> In her eyes, you lose every time. She spews cruel words at you and makes you feel like you’re in 7th grade again–and NOT in the popular group. Your Inner Mean Girl’s favorite thing to do is to make you feel small, inadequate, and unworthy. She’s always finding evidence to prove her theory: you are not enough. <\/p>\n

We’ve got news for you: Your Inner Mean Girl is a liar!
She’s slowing you down, running you ragged, and keeping you from your dreams<\/b>.<\/p>\n

Her current job is clear. Tell you big fat lies so that you’ll stay stuck in the status quo and your comfort zones (even if your comfort zones aren’t all that comfy.) Her impact is devastating. She sucks the joy out of every success and good thing that happens in your life. And when your down, she will be there to remind you that “You can’t change,” “You’re a loser,” and “You’ll never get it right.”<\/p>\n

What if you could turn down the volume on the critical voice in your head?<\/b> And turn the channel to a voice that was smarter, kinder and on your side?
 
You can, using these 4 tips.<\/b> The first three tips will bring you face to face with your Inner Mean Girl, so you can stand up to her bullying, perfect, hard-driving self, and squash her power over you. The last tip will introduce you to someone that is so much more powerful when you choose to listen – your Inner Wisdom. Or as we like to think of her as, your B.F.F.
 <\/p>\n

1.    Identify your Inner Mean Girl’s Top 3 Destinations<\/b>. Where does your Inner Mean Girl like to show up, criticize, get you down or cut off your connection and support? When do you feel the most anxious, overwhelmed, or ashamed of your relationship status, career, finances, or body? When does self-doubt creep in — when you are about to take a big risk, try something you’ve never done, or when you see someone else shine? When your Inner Mean Girl is lurking about, your body tells by producing feelings and emotions that don’t feel so good. Notice these recurring patterns, and next time, be aware that it’s her lies, not your truth speaking.<\/p>\n

2.    Identify your Inner Mean Girl’s Top 3 Weapons<\/b>. List the word-for-word statements your IMG uses to get and keep you down and distracted. What does she say to you makes you feel bad, hopeless or alone? How does she compare you to others? What does she say to make you feel like a failure, like you haven’t done enough, or that you aren’t smart enough? Make a list and then next to every one of her toxic statements, write a self-loving, self-empowering statement. Say these positive affirmations daily for 30 days and you’ll make your Inner Wisdom’s muscles stronger than your Inner Mean Girls. <\/p>\n

3.    Identify Who Your Inner Mean Girl Really Is!<\/b> Make no mistake, what’s she’s doing to you is very personal, so one of the best actions you can take is to personify her. Then can you begin to transform her. To do this, draw a picture of her or find a photo that resembles her and give her a name. Is she fat with big glasses? Perfectly pressed and all in pink? A slob with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other?  Don’t worry if you think you can’t draw – no one will ever see this but you, so go for it!  And if you really don’t want to draw, find an image in a magazine or on the Internet that captures your Inner Mean Girl.  It’s important that you have a clear mental image of that voice that sabotages you.<\/p>\n

4.    Start Listening to Your Inner Wisdom Instead! <\/b>Now that you realize that she is a liar, see if you can’t catch her lying to you. (Hint: whenever you’re feeling bad about yourself, she’s probably right there with a megaphone.) Then do this simple three-step process to see through your Inner Mean Girl’s lies:<\/p>\n

    Step #1: What is my Inner Mean Girl saying?<\/b> Write it down. Can you identify the lies?
 
    Step #2: What does my Inner Wisdom know?<\/b> Write it down. Can you see the truth? (Hint: it helps to sometimes close your eyes and take a deep breath before asking this question. The truth is always there, waiting to set you free.)<\/p>\n

    Step #3: Take Action<\/b>. Now write down an action you want to take in light of this new information. Is there something or someone you need to commit to? Something you must stop doing? A new perspective you will hold? Do you need to forgive yourself or someone else?<\/p>\n

\"mean<\/a><\/span>Here is the truth: your Inner Mean Girl is really a voice of insecurity and anxiety.  Uncertain of her own power, she becomes a bully.  Once you start really listening and writing down her rants and accusations, it’s easy to put her in her place.  ??<\/p>\n

The truth is, you are fabulous.  ??And we know, because our Inner Wisdom told us so!<\/b>
**************<\/p>\n

Christine Arylo<\/b>, popular author of Choosing ME before WE<\/a><\/b>, and Amy Ahlers<\/b>, The Wake Up Call Coach, have taken a stand for women everywhere to say NO! to being so hard on themselves. They are co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, a series of programs that give women tools to transform their self-sabotaging patterns into new self-empowering habits. Visit www.innermeangirl.com<\/a> to join the Inner Mean Girl Revolution and get your free Inner Mean Girl Transformation Starter Kit.
********************** <\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/b><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/b> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/b> to reinforce your intention to love yourself.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 22 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love. I’m delighted to have Christine Arylo & Amy Ahlers, co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, as my guests today. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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